“I shouldn’t have done it,” she said.
“You think?” I didn’t look at her as I was slicing another pepper.
“I’m sorry. I’m just a little on edge right now.”
I slammed the knife down onto the old butcher block countertop. “That’s no excuse!” I was trying to whisper, but it wasn’t working out that way. “How many times have you yelled at him for losing control? But there you are, socking my man in the face! Which is not the first time, I might add! You are being a fucking hypocrite!” I could see tears forming in her eyes.
“I can’t lose Nick, too. Especially because…of the baby.” She said it under her breath, and I wondered if she wished it weren’t true.
“Do you think I’m overly thrilled about this? Do you think I could handle losing Henry, or my brother? No, I can’t, and I don’t want them to go, either. But I have to accept it because that is Henry. This is what he does. This is how he is. There’s no changing him.”
“He’s putting the others in jeopardy.” The tears were rolling down her pink cheeks.
“Everything is dangerous, Claire. Picking veggies is dangerous. What can we do? This is it. This is what it is right now, and we have to learn to deal with it.”
“I don’t want to.”
I threw my arms up in the air. “Me, either, but I don’t have a choice. He has enough guilt stacked on him. If he doesn’t try, it would add more weight until it crushed him completely.”
“It’s his choosing!”
“Some of it is. Claire, he’s a mess. Haven’t you figured that out? He is a goddamn mess. If it makes him feel good about himself, then he needs to do it. I don’t want him to, but I can’t stop him. Do you have any idea what he said to me back at that townhouse in Jersey, when he melted down about Sophie?” My voice cracked.
“No…”
“He told me that if he didn’t have me, he would have put a bullet in his head right next to her. I have a feeling he almost did, and that’s why he screamed at us to get to the trucks.” Because of what he carried on the inside, I felt guilty for being so hard on him. I picked up the knife and continued cutting up the vegetables in silence, tears running down my face. Claire had nothing else to say after that.
***
Addie dragged Henry into the bathroom. She opened the medicine cabinet and found some gauze pads. “Have a seat and put this in your mouth. I’m going to go get some salt water for you to rinse with.” Henry pushed the shower curtain to the side, and settled down on the edge of the tub.
When Addie walked out of the room, he thought, Was this what having a mother felt like? He sat there for a moment, trying to remember a moment like this with his own mother. All that he could see, in his mind’s eye, was his mother getting beaten and raped. It sent a chill up his spine.
Addie came back in with a cup of salt water before his downward spiral of self-loathing began again. “The girls are practically at each other’s throats. They didn’t even see me go into the kitchen.”
Henry chuckled when he took the cup from her. “What’s new? We all fight way too much. Probably because we all spend way too much time cooped up together.”
“Y’all should remember that each day alive is a blessing. Tomorrow may never happen.”
“Yes, you are correct, Addie.” He flashed back to seeing Sophie true dead on the side of the highway. He shivered again.
“Let me have a look.” Henry bent over at the sink with his mouth open. Addie looked at him with a curiosity that made him nervous. “Your eyes are really green. They almost sparkle. I wonder why I didn’t notice that yesterday.” She was able to pull herself away from his glance. “Well, anyway, I’m sure that’s how you won over Elaina. A handsome man with those eyes, and your accent...” Henry smiled, feeling relief that she didn’t question him over his eyes. “It looks okay. Just be careful with it for a day or two. Keep rinsing with salt water after you eat anything.”
“I surely didn’t win her over with my stunning personality.”
“Aw, come on. Don’t sell yourself short. You’re a nice guy deep down. I can see that.”
“I try. It’s hard for me. I have been through a lot.”
“Yes, as have we all.”
Henry looked at her. “We were supposed to be married the day this madness started. The pastor… We’ve lost…” Henry shook his head. “Never mind. I don’t want to talk about it.” His face flushed, and he feared he might become emotional. Addie put her hand on his cool shoulder.