He was absolutely killing me here. I could scent tears, sorrow, and so much more from him. Finally, I couldn't stop myself from reaching forward, but before I could touch him he surprised me by dropping to his knees. His black eyes met mine for a second, and I could see he was asking for permission.
Clenching my hands into hard fists, I used the pain of nails cutting into my palms to halt my own tears, before inclining my head in a single nod.
Slowly, almost reverently, he lifted his hands and placed them on either side of my belly. His large palms were hot, and instantly spread warmth through me. You'd think with the massive increase in padding around me I'd be a lot warmer, but I'd been feeling the cold really badly during my pregnancy.
Maximus still had to bend his neck to rest his head close to the baby. I wondered if he was listening for the heartbeat. His vampire hearing would pick it up easily.
We remained like this for many moments. My chest was aching as his tender and silent moment with our baby started cracking the protective shields I'd erected around my heart. I could not go there again, be that vulnerable.
I started babbling: "I never found out the sex. I want it to be a surprise. Jessa is having one of each and she's already anticipating the drama her two little ones will get into."
His eyes met mine, and I thought for a second something like amusement flickered across those dark depths.
"Thank you," he said to me. The vibration of his body had eased; his vamped-out features were fading. "You've given me the greatest gift, something I never thought would be mine, and I owe you a thousand apologies."
I blinked a few times, trying to wrap my mind around those words. I had never expected … he was saying everything I'd been hoping, praying, and waiting to hear.
But still … there was something flat in his voice. Don't get me wrong, I could tell he was overjoyed-it was obvious-but I was guessing it was hard to be really happy when it was me and not Cardia carrying his young.
As if sensing my distress, the baby started to move then. Strong limbs kicked out and nausea trickled across my lower belly when the baby rolled over. Maximus' hands flexed against me; his eyebrows rose high as his eyes followed the movement of skin rippling across my abdomen.
"So strong," he murmured, and I caught the trickle of a single tear as it tracked down his cheek. I couldn't stop myself from reaching out and brushing the wetness from his skin. It was the first time I'd voluntarily touched him, and it hurt as badly as I expected. It was so unfair. Why did my body crave him? Why did my hands seem to know him so well when I'd only held him for such a brief time?
If you asked me, it was bullshit.
Maximus Compass
The last few months had brought a whirlwind of change. Life-changing events shouldn't happen every month, they should be spread out over years so that one's goddamn heart doesn't actually stop beating.
When Mischa dropped the baby news on me, the predator inside ripped free in a way I'd never experienced before. This wasn't the first time I'd lost control of my vampire side. It had happened a few times before, especially in those early years of teenage hormones and newly discovered powers. But this was something so much larger. There was nothing I could compare the emotion to, not even meeting my true mate, or losing her.
Which was fucking sad when you really thought about it.
When Braxton had taken off with Mischa – to guard her from my loss of control – it did nothing but piss me off. He was protecting her, but she was not his to protect. Mischa was carrying my child, and I would be the one to place my body before any danger which sought to touch her. I would protect her and our baby with my last dying breath, and the fact that my own brother had thought I was a threat to her … well, I was going to kick his ass again … when I managed to pry myself away.
My child was not even born yet and already held a clenched fist around my heart. I was owned by a little supe, and my life would never be the same.
As my hands covered Mischa's tiny bump, I could hear and feel the strong and rapid thrumming of the heartbeat, like a million miniature galloping horses. The tiny fighter continued to kick and roll under my hands, as if sensing I was close by and wanting my attention.
You have it, little one, now and forever.
A muffled sob wrenched my attention up, and I found myself entranced by those ocean-green eyes again. They were misty now, emotions washing tendrils of blue and yellow through them. Need and something so much more clenched deep in my chest, and I knew then that I was lost.
Mischa had truly given me a gift. My shattered heart was again beating in a strangely rhythmic manner. Her news had breathed life back into my world, but I needed to know how. How had this miracle happened?
I had so many questions, but one thing I definitely didn't need to know was why she hadn't told me earlier. I'd made sure that it was never easy for her to be alone with me. There was never a moment to confess something this huge. The fact that I hadn't known the moment she did was solely on me.
Reluctantly removing my hands, which was so much harder than I'd expected, I got back to my feet. Not wanting to tower over her while she told her story, and worrying that she might need to rest her feet, I took her hand and led her across to some small boulders lining the creek. They were large and flat. Perfect to sit on.
The moment we sat, I pulled my hands back from her and rested them against my thighs. Then, like a stabbing lance, my emotions rose up again, the vampire fighting for dominance. Too much had happened lately and my control seemed to be getting even worse.
Except when I was touching her. For some reason, physical contact with Mischa calmed the beast. It hadn't always been like that, though. Was this new bond I could feel between us because of the child growing inside of her?
Sucking in deeply, the cool, fresh air hitting my lungs hard, I started with the most important thing I had to say: "I owe you a massive apology. I haven't been here for you at a time when you needed me the most. All of this must have been difficult and confusing, especially while trying to deal with Larkspur's mind control. I just … shit, there's nothing I can really offer but my sincere sorrow. I will do better, Mischa. I will be a better supe for you and our child."
She made a noise like a strangled gasp. "I … I have waited so long to talk to you about this, but … I can't quite believe you're taking it so well. I thought you would be angry with me. Maybe even think I was lying about it being yours."
Aw, my poor human-raised supe. "If you were lying, everyone would already know. We can scent the truth." I had found it a little odd that the baby was scenting as pure shifter blood, but it didn't bother me. If Jo Compass had taught me anything, it's that you never knew what mixed-race matings would give you in the genetic lottery.
Mischa was all big eyes and flushed cheeks. She seemed completely staggered by my attitude. She couldn't possibly understand the joy singing through my veins. Supes love children, and while it's not difficult for us to produce them, it is generally harder than it seems to be for humans.
"It wasn't your fertile time, Mischa, so how did this happen?" This was the reason I hadn't initially thought the baby could be mine, the fertile periods for shifters were very clear.
She dropped her eyes, reaching out and running her hand over the smooth stone she sat upon. I could see the way she centered herself, gathered thoughts before speaking. She was so unlike Jessa, whose confidence was unparalleled. My oldest friend would not think before speaking, she just let her emotions fall free. Somehow it made Mischa's words more appealing, like she had carefully selected them just for me.
"When my wolf side was suppressed … " she finally said, "it screwed up my body, hormones, and fertility. When I thought I was human, I never had a … fertile … period or anything. Mom told me not to worry, I was just a late bloomer. Of course, by my early twenties I knew there was something wrong, but since I figured I was probably never going to have children anyway, I never bothered to ask her about it again."
Why the hell wouldn't she have children? The question burned across my mind, but I would not interrupt her during her story.
"Then when I arrived at Stratford and found out all the big family secrets, everything made sense. I wasn't human. When my wolf side was unlocked, Mom explained to me about fertile times and how to recognize them. Then when we were together, you mentioned that you couldn't sense any fertility, so I never gave it a second thought."
It was the truth. There had been no scent or sign that she was even close to her time to conceive a child.
"Basically, the unlocking of my wolf side threw my entire body into some sort of weird stage of created-fertility, trying to realign itself with the phases I should have been following all along. I literally created my own, virtually undetectable fertility … different to the normal shifter phase … but clearly still enough for us to conceive."
I silently thanked the gods. Maybe the fates didn't hate me after all. "I need to know everything, Mischa. How did you find out? Was anyone there with you?"
My guilt was again crushing me that she might have been alone to receive and deal with this life-changing news. If only I hadn't met Cardia at the sanctuary, then Mischa would have come to me.