I didn’t know what to say to that, so I just stared at him. “I’m sorry it came to this.”
“So am I,” Scott said. “I really am sorry about Zack. If I was betting man—and, hey I kinda am—I would bet you any amount of money that you’re wrong about him.”
“It’s kind of you to say.” I walked backward, careful not to trip over a table on my way out the door. “But I know what I’ve seen.” I felt my voice harden. “And I know what I have to do.”
“You don’t have to do anything, Sienna,” Scott called to me as I reached the door. “Whatever you’re doing, it’s you who’s choosing it. Remember that.”
“I will,” I said, and gave him a last look as I clutched the handle to the door of the bar. The whiskey smell hung thick in the air, and the crowd in the corner was watching me leave, looking at Scott furtively, expectantly, wondering if he was going to return to them now. I smiled. “I kinda doubt, based on your current condition, that you’ll remember this conversation tomorrow, though.”
He smiled back, and it was the warmest look I could remember seeing anyone give me since the morning I actually woke up with my boyfriend still alive at my side. It hadn’t even been a week, but it felt like forever ago already. “I find it hard to forget you, Sienna Nealon.” He raised his glass. “You’ve saved my life a few too many times for me to do you that particular disservice.” His smile faded. “But you wouldn’t be the first if you didn’t remember me.”
“I can’t forget you, Scott,” I said as I opened the door and felt the cold air hit me hard as I walked out, feeling the first crunch of my boot in the snow. “After all, you’re the only actual friend I think I have left.”
16.
I hit my stride walking to my car and I slammed the door once I got inside. It was sad to consider but probably true; other than Reed, Scott was probably the last person I actually liked on the face of the planet. Everyone else was persona non grata to me or on my list of people I was actively trying to kill. I cursed loudly to the empty car, furious at myself again for letting Eve get away. I’d had a chance, and I taunted her just a little too long. I should have finished her and trusted that Kurt would find Bastian and Winter for me later. It wasn’t the first mistake I’d made; I hoped it wouldn’t lead to my last, but frankly, I didn’t care all that much if it was, so long as I knocked the last three things off my bucket list first.
I pondered going somewhere but felt the soft buzz of the whiskey I’d had and knew it was a bad idea. I leaned my head back against the seat and took a sniff. Zack’s faint smell was beginning to fade, the car’s cloth seats gradually giving up their former master’s scent as time went by and I used it more and more. I tried to find reassurance in that, but there was none; whatever else Zack had done to me, he’d made me love him. “Mission accomplished, Winter,” I said out loud. “You dick.”
I didn’t even realize I had slipped off to sleep until I saw myself somewhere else, again as formless as every other memory I’d lived through. Kurt was there, sitting beside Zack in a car. He looked over at his younger partner, almost guilty. “You know what he had me do, right?” I heard the little bit of acid in his tone, like he despised someone.
“I just got back,” Zack said. “Thrilling vacation in South America, you know, where I almost got fried by a man who catches his own skin on fire. I have no idea what’s going on.”
Kurt reached for his own head, massaging the scalp. “Yeah, well, not three hours ago I got the holy hell clubbed out of me by a guy wearing an oversized soup can. Count your blessings.”
Zack gave him a subtle nod. “You were talking about Winter?”
“Yeah,” Kurt said. “And that girl.” He swore. “That friggin’ girl, I swear—”
Zack laughed. “Don’t let her get to you, man. She’s seventeen. She’s probably writing in her diary right now, ‘I hate that Kurt guy, he’s a big meanie.’“
Hannegan stared at him grudgingly. “You got a point. Count yourself lucky you didn’t try and sleep with her before you took off for South America.”
“Yeah,” Zack said, indifferent. “No kidding. I felt it, you know. I took her hand before I left, when I was saying goodbye. I got all lightheaded when I tried to stand up but I had no idea it was from that. I figured the pain in my hand was just delayed from when I tangled with Wolfe.”