“Yep.”
“So, are you gonna finish it?” Scott was watching carefully for my reaction.
“I dunno,” I said. “There are other factors in play.”
“Like what?” he asked.
“Like that since I can’t get my hands on my medication anymore, I’m not the only one steering my course.” I said it glumly, and felt it all the way through me.
Scott didn’t answer for a minute. “You mean … if you didn’t have other voices in your head, you wouldn’t want to get them back for what they did to Zack?”
“Zack was a paid plant,” I said quietly. “Winter told him from the beginning to get close to me.” I leaned in closer to the bar, and considered the fresh drink the barman had placed in front of me. It didn’t smell so bad, now.
“Holy shit,” Scott said in awe and took down this shot faster than any of the others. He remained quiet and pensive for a moment, then turned back to me. “I don’t buy it.”
“Don’t buy what?” I asked. “I saw Zack’s memory. I saw the meeting where it happened.”
“Could be Wolfe,” Scott said, “he could be feeding you something to make you—”
“Make me what?” I said with an odd smile. “Make me not want to kill? Wolfe wants me to kill. It’s his purpose in afterlife.”
Scott rested fingers on his chin, which I noticed had the hints of sandy stubble upon them. “I just don’t believe it, I’m sorry. I knew Zack. I saw him look at you. He—”
“Stop,” I said quietly, and smiled a fake smile. “I appreciate it, but stop. I’m gonna do what I’m gonna do. If I go after Winter … and I’m leaning toward it … it’ll be for me, not for Zack.” I felt my jaw harden again. “It’ll be for what he did to me, not what he did to … anyone else.”
“Gotta love a girl who can settle her own account,” Scott said. He looked back to the bartender, who was a few feet away now. “In this case, though, her drink’s on me.” He looked at the still-full shot resting in front of me. “Both of them and more, if she wants them.”
“I think I’m done,” I said, and pushed back from the bar, getting up off the stool. “What about you? You just gonna hang out here for the rest of your life?”
He smiled, a faint one. “What life? I wanted to be a member of M-Squad since the day I learned what I was, which was … a long time ago. Probably since my parents first sent me to the Directorate at thirteen. It’s all I ever wanted.” He took a drink, just a sip this time. “Now I don’t want to be anything like them. Or at least what’s left of them.” He put the shot glass down. “I hope you kill them for what they did to you. I hope you kill ‘em all.”
“What are you gonna be doing?” I asked. “Hanging out here?”
He gave a loose shrug, but I saw the sadness in his eyes. “At night, yep. During the day, I sleep. Keep repeating the cycle until something else comes up.”
“And the war?” I pointed toward the door. “What about what’s going on out there?”
He let only a faint amusement show. “I don’t know. What are you gonna do about it?”
I deflated slightly. “I don’t know. It all feels … so much bigger than me or you, doesn’t it?”
He nodded and picked up his glass again. “Yep. Just a couple of little pieces in a very, very big game. One that’s way too big for me to navigate my way into alone.”
I shrugged. “You know someone in Omega, now. You could always ask to go with them.”
He got a sour look. “I haven’t forgotten Wolfe and what he did to my aunt and uncle. Nor Henderschott, or Fries, those vampires … “ He frowned. “Was Gavrikov with Omega?”
“Before he came looking for Kat, yeah, I think so. He was with them from way back.”
“I hate ‘em,” he pronounced. “I hate everything about them—what they’ve done, the people they’ve used. I couldn’t trust them. I wouldn’t trust them. If Reed came back and asked me to fight for Alpha, I’d go with him. You know, after I’ve gotten all this out of my system.” He tipped his glass back. “I trust him, and I trust you.” His eyes grew glazed. “And that’s about it, I’m sad to say.”