Brides of the Kindred(115)

“Well you won’t have to worry about it any more.” Baird stood abruptly. “You won’t have to worry about anything outside of Earth anymore.”

“Baird, I—” she began but he shook his head.

“Please, Olivia—just get dressed and packed. Sylvan and I will be waiting outside.” And then he left.





Chapter Twenty-one



Baird felt as though someone wearing metal anti-grav boots had kicked him in the gut. Gone, she’s really gone. Gods, can’t believe I actually lost her and over something so stupid… He had taken the precaution of hiding his own Think-me but it had never occurred to him that Olivia would go use someone else’s. Hell, he hadn’t even known she had any friends on board the ship. Maybe you would have known if you’d asked. If you’d let her talk about her home and her friends more. But no, you were so eager to keep her focused on her future with you that you refused to hear about her past and now it’s too late. He knew it was true but all the self recrimination in the universe wouldn’t help now. Wouldn’t bring her back.

He and Sylvan were standing on the observation deck of the docking bay after seeing Olivia onto a shuttle bound for Earth. Baird had wanted to go with her for one last goodbye but Sylvan had convinced him it would be a bad idea. It would, too. If he’d gone down with her, Baird wasn’t sure he could have brought himself to leave her, even though she’d been fighting for her freedom from him from the moment he first called her.

At least she got what she wanted. She never wanted to be bonded to me, never wanted me as her mate. All she cared about was getting her old life back, seeing her sister every day. But if she wanted that so much, why was she crying when she said good-bye? Baird didn’t have an answer for that. He could still feel her soft, curvy body against him, could still hear her soft sobbing in his ears. When the time had come to go, she had thrown herself into his arms, trembling and saying, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” over and over again. Baird hadn’t had any words to give back to her—he was past words now. He’d only been able to hold her tight and press his face to her neck to breathe her sweet scent one more time. One last time. And then she was gone.

Gods, Lilenta… He was still numb and he knew it. It was like the feeling you got when you’d just been wounded in battle. Looking down, seeing the blood pour out and feeling nothing. But sooner or later the pain would come and when it did…When it does it’s going to fucking kill me, he thought in a detached kind of way. It’s going to make the worst torture the AllFather inflicted look like kindness and mercy.

“Baird…Brother, I am so sorry.” Sylvan was looking at him with concern in his eyes. Concern and understanding.

Was this how he felt after what happened on Tranq Prime? Baird stared at his brother blankly without answering.

“If you wish to talk about it…about how you feel…” Sylvan began hesitantly.

“How I feel?” Baird laughed harshly. “I’ll tell you how I fuckin’ feel. I feel like my hand just got cut off and I’m looking down at the bloody stump waiting for the pain to start. She was part of me, Sylvan—the best part. And she’s gone.”

“I know.” There was real agony in his brother’s voice now. “Forgive me, Baird. I blame myself.”

“Don’t.” Baird shook his head wearily. “It would have come out sooner or later, I’m sure. And if it had happened after we’d already bonded, well…”

“There’s nothing worse than a broken bond,” Sylvan murmured.

“I wouldn’t know.” Baird ran a hand over his face, hearing the sandpaper scratch of his rough cheeks against his fingertips. “But if it’s worse than this, I don’t wanna know about it.”

“Baird—”

“Forget it.” He shook his head and turned from the railing that overlooked the docking bay. “Look we should go. I can’t just stand here looking…looking at where she was. Thinking about…” He trailed off, shaking his head. Drunk. I need to get drunk. Maybe that would make this more bearable. To never see her again, to never hear her sweet voice, smell her warm scent…it was simply unbearable.

The loss felt like death and in a way it was—the death of everything that meant anything to him. Gods, how was he going to go on? He would have to file for a new place to live and maybe Sylvan would let him bunk with him until the orders went through. He couldn’t go back to the suite—it was filled with echoes of her. Memories of touching her, tasting her. Even now, he could still taste her salty-sweet honey on his lips, could still hear her cries and moans of passion as she pulled at his hair and bucked up to meet his tongue…Stop thinking about it. You’ll never see her again. Never touch or taste or smell or love her again.