Normally I would've cautioned her kids about approaching any large animal, in a more genteel way; but her whole attitude stunk. I guess women who looked like her thought they should get a free pass; she could kill that shit.
If Gunther sunk his teeth in one of them, she'd probably try to take me for hundreds of thousands of dollars. It would only take her finding out who I am for the dollar signs to start floating around in her head. I've seen it too many times to count.
"Listen douchebag, I don't know what climbed up your ass and died but..."
"You need to calm your little ass down lady, and watch your mouth."
We were toe to toe at this point, and I could only be grateful that there was no one else around to witness this catastrophe.
Her little terrors were sitting on the grass looking on, like they were at the circus or some shit, and guess what, my fucking traitorous dog was sitting on his haunches between them, tongue hanging, enjoying the show.
"Don't you tell me to calm down, you overgrown ape." She was really asking for it, and what the hell was she wearing...? More importantly, what the fuck was my malfunction?
You've got to be shitting me. I took a quick look down between us. Yep, my boy sure knew how to pick them, hard as a fucking pike.
Shit, at least she hadn't noticed, she was too busy railing at me, to notice that I'd stopped talking altogether.
I was too shocked by my body's reaction. Seems like everything was working against me today; first my dog and now, well, my other dog.
How the hell was I going to diffuse this situation? There were a lot of gradients at work here all of a sudden.
First, my quick gander at her finger showed no sign of a wedding ring, not even the outline of one.
That didn't mean anything though in this day and age so I have to do some fishing to be sure.
This information is suddenly of great importance, because from my boy's reaction, there was a good possibility that the little dynamo was going to be under me sometime in the near future.
While she railed away at me I stood back and took her all in. Short, just like I like ‘em, built up top, nice ass and gorgeous.
Her hair wasn’t my usual blonde, which is a shocker. I don’t remember dating anything else, not even when I was a kid.
I’ve always had a type; she wasn’t it. So why the fuck was my dick doing the mambo over this raven haired, green-eyed sea-witch?
It was time to get to the bottom of this shit, but she was still going full steam ahead with that lip of hers.
I couldn't very well choke her to cut off her stream of invectives, so I did the next best thing. I placed my hand over her mouth. "It's done."
"Motherfucker if you don't get..." She swore as soon as I started to remove my hand so I had to put it back.
"Ssh, not in front of the kids babe." I grinned down at her just to confuse her even more. It’s perverse, but for some reason I got a kick out of flustering her. I wonder if all that fire transferred to the bedroom?
She looked at me like I'd just dropped out of an unidentified flying object, good; at least she'd stopped threatening my ass with bodily harm.
When I was sure I had her attention I removed my hand again, turned to the boys and my ex dog and snapped my fingers.
"You two over here." I pointed to my vacated park bench and was only slightly surprised to see them toddle on their tiny legs to obey.
Meanwhile, their mother was looking on like a hooked fish, mouth and eyes wide open. My sidekick that I'd spent thousands of dollars feeding, sheltering, and not to mention vet bills, followed them, sitting down next to the bench as if on guard duty. Fucking dog.
When I turned back to her, I noticed she was looking at my hand in a weird way. At first I thought she was checking to see what kind of watch I wore; kinda like gauging my wealth or some shit, but nah, this was a different kind of look.
"What're you doing?" That stare was starting to freak me the fuck out.
She looked up at me with a serious look and said with a straight face.
"I'm looking for that little tag thing they put on people when they let them out the crazy house for a day, because it wouldn't be fair to kick your ass if you're loony toons." She was trying to get in my face again.
"I repeat, calm your little ass down." I towered over her again, my nose damn near touching hers, our eyes boring into one another’s. Damn she’s gorgeous, maybe my day was looking up after all, we’ll see.
I pointed my finger at her one last time before turning to her kids who were now sitting quietly on the bench.
I stood in front of the two miscreants, as I schooled them on dog etiquette; they looked up at me like I had the secrets to Candy land or some shit.
"Name." I pointed to little rascal number one.
"Gawick I's twee." He held up four fingers.