Breathe With Me(84)
No more beeps.
Just me and Mama, crying.
***
The house is quiet. It’s not quite dark yet. After Daddy was gone, we were escorted down to the morgue, which is nothing like Law and Order, to see Tiff. They would only let me see her face. They wouldn’t tell me, but I think her arms were really hurt because I wanted to hold her hand, but they wouldn’t let me.
My baby sister was really pale. Her eyes were closed like she was sleeping. But her hair was bloody like Daddy’s.
I wanted to wash her off. They should have cleaned her up. They should have put a pillow under her head. I tried to make them put the barrette I stole this morning in her hair, but they said they wouldn’t.
Mama said we would make sure someone puts it in her hair so she’s pretty when we bury her.
Mom and I stand in the living room, looking around with blind eyes. Why does it look the same?
Dad’s sneakers are by his rocking chair. Tiff’s backpack is on the kitchen table. It smells like them.
“I’m going to bed,” I whisper and trudge up the stairs to our bedroom and stop at the doorway. This is our room. Tiff’s and mine. We share a room, even though we could each have our own. Tiff’s bed is made. Her side of the room is always cleaner than mine.
“Meredith,” Mom says softly. I turn to look at her. She looks… tired. Her eyes are swollen. Her shoulders are saggy.
“I can’t sleep in there,” I say quietly. “She isn’t here to sleep with me.”
“Do you want to sleep in the spare room with me?” she asks and offers me a watery smile.
“You’re not going to sleep in your room?”
“Not tonight. Maybe tomorrow.” I nod and follow her down the hall, past her room to the guest room.
“It’s not even dark out yet,” I murmur. “And we didn’t have dinner.”
“Are you hungry?”
“No.”
“What do you want, baby?”
I shrug and bite my lip. I can’t look her in the eye. I’ll just cry again. “I guess we could just sleep.”
I don’t know where Mom got them from, but she pulls Daddy’s T-shirts over our heads and we slide under the covers together.
“Daddy will hug us tonight, baby girl,” she whispers brokenly. His shirts do smell like him, and it’s like having him right here with us.
“Wait!” I jump from the bed and hold my breath as I run into my room to grab something off Tiff’s bed, then run back in with Mom. Mom hugs me close, Tiff’s ratty old bear between us, and we both cry together, missing Daddy and Tiff already. We cry for a really long time, until we fall asleep.
“Meredith?” The passenger side door opens and Luke is there, holding my face in his hands. “Jesus Christ you’re pale, Mer. Come on, we have to go inside.”
“Luke?” Sam is suddenly next to him. “What’s wrong with her?”
“I don’t know. She looks… hollow.”
“Should I get some help?”
“No,” I reply hoarsely.
Chapter Twenty One
“I’m okay,” I murmur and move to get out of the car, but Luke holds me still for a moment, examining me.
“You’re not okay.”
“I need to get to Mark.”
“Where were you, Mer? You were gone during that entire thirty minute drive.”
“I was in the past.” I firm my chin and do my best to not show him that I’m falling apart here. I don’t matter. I need to get to Mark.
Luke swears under his breath and steps back to let me out.
“Her dad and sister,” Sam murmurs.
“I know,” he replies.
“I’m right here. I can hear you.” I try to shake them off, but they flank me. Luke wraps his arm around my low back and Sam takes my hand, and we walk into the emergency room together.
“I’m glad you can hear me now because you couldn’t five minutes ago,” Luke says almost angrily. Why is he mad? Maybe he’s just scared. God knows I’m fucking terrified.
“What happened?” I ask. Jesus, I wasn’t even thinking clearly enough to ask what happened. “Is he dead?”
“I fucking hope not,” Luke replies. Now he is mad, and Luke never gets mad. He takes one look at my face and then takes a deep breath and swears softly. “I’m sorry. No, he’s not dead. I don’t know how bad his injuries are. Isaac is on the way here too. He was on the job site.”
“It happened on the job?” I ask incredulously. “How in the hell is there a car accident on the job?”
“Let’s see if we can see him and I’ll tell you what I know.”
Luke leads us to the reception desk and flashes the woman behind the counter his million-dollar smile. “Hello. My brother, Mark Williams, was just brought in. Can you buzz us back?”