I shrug and watch an owl fly over the lake. “After you left, all I did was study. I worked my ass off to get through college as quickly as possible. I was consumed with formulas and algorithms and if I was exhausted from school and work, I couldn’t concentrate on missing you.”
I cringe and look over to see her eyes fill with tears again. “It’s okay, M,” she whispers. “It’s the truth. I did the same with dance.”
“So, I got my undergrad and master’s in five years and then decided I didn’t want to live in a lab. I went to Alaska with a buddy of mine from college one summer. He worked the boats to put himself through college. I liked the solitude of it. I made good money.”
“Isn’t that dangerous?” Her eyes are wide as she watches me.
“It can be.” I’m not about to tell her about the times that I was so scared my bowels wanted to give out on me. No need to burden her with that.
“What brought you back to Seattle?” She lies on her side, her head supported on her elbow and watches me silently.
“My brother got married to Natalie and it just seemed like there was a lot going on with my family that I’d be missing.”
“Luke has a beautiful family,” she replies, that wistful tone back in her voice.
“They’re amazing,” I reply softly and let my eyes travel over her beautiful face. “The Montgomerys have become part of our family too. So, I decided I’d been away from home long enough and came back a couple years ago, around the time Jules and Nate married. Jules’ oldest brother owns a construction company and I run one of his crews.”
“I’m surprised.”
My eyes find hers as I cock an eyebrow. “Why?”
“You loved science.”
“I loved you more,” I reply without thinking and then wish I could pull the words back and throw them in the water.
Real smooth, Williams.
She clenches her eyes closed and then sits up and gazes over at me. “Do you know, whenever I got nervous, whether it was in an audition, or right before a show… whatever, it was your voice I heard? Breathe with me, M. I clung to that more times than I can tell you. You were with me, every day. Even when I tried to forget you.”
“Were there other men?” I ask with a steel in my voice I can’t hide.
“It’s been ten years. Are you going to tell me you never slept with anyone in ten years?”
I blink at her and then look out at the water myself. “No, I can’t tell you that.”
“I’m not going to give you a play by play, M, because I don’t want that from you either. It would fucking kill me.” Her voice is strong and sure when I turn my gaze back to hers. “But I’ll say this: you will never know how much I wished for you. Even though I knew it was selfish and wrong, I just wanted you.”
I open my blanket and pull her against me, rest my lips on her forehead and relish how it feels to have her in my arms. She buries her face in my neck, the way she always did, and takes in a long, deep breath.
“Do you still want me?” I ask, not sure if I really want to hear the answer.
“Every. Day. It’s hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.” She burrows deeper, clinging to me. “What about you?”
“There were days,” I begin softly and rub my nose against her soft hair, “that I would have exchanged a year of my life just to touch you one more time. You are my biggest what if, M.”
We sit in silence, clinging to each other for a long time, breathing each other in and enjoying the night around us.
“How is it possible that you still smell the same?” she finally asks brokenly. I smile against her temple and then kiss her there.
“I thought the same exact thing when you hugged me at Addie’s funeral.”
“Mark, where do we go from here?”
I tip her chin back to look in her eyes. They’re full of unshed tears and confusion. Fuck, I’m confused too.
“Do you want to start over? Get to know each other again?” I swallow hard and watch her bite that gorgeous lower lip. “We’re not the same people we were then, M.”
“The chemistry is still here,” she replies dryly.
I nod, but I can’t help but wonder, is it chemistry? Or is this just simply meant to be?
“I would like that,” she replies. “I’d like that very much.”
Her eyes fall to my lips, and I can’t stand it any more. Those lips would tempt a saint. I lower my head and brush my lips over hers softly. Once, twice, then nibble the corner of her mouth. She sighs and moans softly, cups my face in her small hands and kisses me back. God, she feels so fucking good pressed up against me, her nipples puckered and rubbing against my chest as she pushes against me, trying to get closer.