Breaking Hollywood(63)

“Then, one night, I was out with this woman. She was in her forties. But really good-looking, you know. She oozed class, and the jewelry she wore could have fed Tate and me for the rest of our lives. She started telling me how her husband didn’t pay her any attention. She was sure he was screwing his secretary. She mentioned how lonely she was. Then, she reached over and slid her hand up my leg. She stared me square in the eye and said she’d pay me a lot of money to make her feel good about herself.

“I knew it was against the agency’s rules, but I was young, and I thought, Hey, here’s a beautiful woman offering to pay me to fuck her when I would have fucked her for free.

“So, I said yes. And, the next thing I knew, we were going to a hotel. Then, we were in the room, and we were fucking. And, when it was over, she kissed me on the mouth, thanked me for a great time, and told me she’d be telling all her friends about me. Then, she left a thousand bucks on the nightstand.

“A thousand bucks.” He laughs, but it’s a sad sound. “I was eighteen years old with a thirteen-year-old brother depending on me for everything. So, I took the money with a smile on my face. The next morning, I took Tate out for a huge breakfast and took him shopping for new clothes.”

“Does Tate know—”

“No.” His eyes snap to mine. “And he never will. Understand?”

“Of course.” I swallow. “You can trust me, Gabe.”

He holds my stare. “I wouldn’t be telling you all of this if I didn’t think I could.”

Knowing that warms the ache I feel for him in my chest, but it doesn’t soothe it completely.

“Anyway, a few days later, she called me, asking to see me again. So, I said yes. Why wouldn’t I? It was easy money. After I fucked her in her hotel room, she told me she had some friends who wanted to spend time with me, too.”

It’s hard not to wince when he talks about having sex with those women. His voice sounds empty of emotion. Honestly, it makes me want to bawl my fucking eyes out.

“I kept escorting with the agency for a while,” he tells me. “But, soon enough, I was too busy to take jobs they had to offer, as my own clientele had grown fast. I quit with the agency and became a full-time hooker. Screwing rich women for money.

“And, for a long time, it was easy. Fun even. Fucking hot women for money—what’s not to like about that, right?”

He laughs, but it’s hollow, and my heart hurts at the sound.

“I moved Tate and me out of the tiny studio we had been renting and into a two-bedroom apartment. I got a car. I put money aside for Tate’s college tuition fund. Life was good. Or so I thought. After a while, it started to not feel good anymore. It just felt empty. Soulless. There was nothing fun about it anymore. I just started to feel dirty. Even spending the money felt dirty. And I guess, somewhere along the way, I’d fooled myself into thinking that these women actually cared for me.” He makes a self-deprecating noise. “That was stupid as fuck because, of course, they didn’t care about me. I was just a monetary means to a great fucking orgasm.

“I was ready to get out of the business. But I didn’t have any qualifications. I was good at fucking and nothing else. Then, as fate had it, I got a new client. She was a first-timer. Her husband had been having an affair with a younger woman, and he’d left her. Her friends had told her she needed to get back on the horse. One of her friends was a client of mine and had said she should get in touch.

“So, we arranged to meet in a hotel room. When I got there, I could tell off the bat that she wasn’t ready. So, we talked instead. And I found myself opening up to her. Told her I was tired of doing what I was doing. I told her about Tate. How I needed the money for him. She had a kid the same age. Then, she told me that she was a producer for a network. They had a part on a show they were auditioning for, and she said I had the exact right look for the character. Asked if I had any acting experience, which I didn’t. She gave me the name and number of an acting coach. Told me to get some lessons and that she’d set me up with an audition for the show.

“And she was good on her word. Called me up the following week with a date and time for an audition. So, I went to the audition. I’d never been so fucking nervous in my life. I threw up in the restroom beforehand. And then I went in and auditioned.

“The next day, I got a call. I’d gotten the part. I couldn’t fucking believe it. It wasn’t big money, less than I earned hooking, but it was a regular part on a fucking television show. So, I called up my clients and told them I was out of the game. The hit on the money was hard for a while, but then I auditioned for some film roles, did some small parts, and then landed a lead role in my first movie. And that was it.” He gestures his hands around his apartment.