…
Elijah drove us to the other side of town. It was a beautiful day, sun shining but not too hot.
I was sick to death of the damn sun.
We needed rain, badly. Still, I loved this part of the country, couldn’t imagine living anywhere else but here. I looked over at Eli. He was deep in thought, that troubled expression back on his face that had been there first thing this morning.
We’d showered together, then he’d taken my hand and led me to his truck. I had no idea where we were going, and the farther we drove, the more my belly squirmed. Wherever it was made him uneasy. His shoulders were tense, his jaw tight, brows low. Why was he taking me somewhere he so obviously didn’t want to go?
My nerves increased, and I ended up just as tense as he was.
Finally he turned down a narrow road lined with cornfields, brown and dry, the drought-ridden earth cracked and lifeless. I pressed my hands between my knees and squeezed them together to stop my hands from fidgeting. At the end of the road was a small house. As we got closer, I could see the paint was chipped, windows broken or gone, the front door left hanging open. The yard was as cracked and dry as the fields around it, obviously abandoned. It gave me the creeps instantly.
Eli pulled up a couple yards away and turned off the engine. His eyes were fixed ahead, locked on that open front door.
I reached out and touched his arm. “Where are we? What is this place?”
He was quiet for several seconds, then finally said, “Home.”
He still hadn’t looked at me, and I had to work to keep my voice even. “This is where you grew up?”
“Yes.” He dropped his hands to his thighs. “I was born in that house, lived there until my mother passed away.” He turned to me then. “The day she was buried, I walked out and I never came back.”
His pain was thick, a tangible thing. I wanted to reach out, pull him into my arms, but that’s not what he needed right then; I could tell by the rigid way he held his body. “Why did you bring me here?”
“I can remember hiding in the cornfields, my mother screaming for him to quit hurting her… I used to hear them all the time, Abi, those screams. Long after both of them were gone. They’d echo through my mind when I closed my eyes.” His eyes drifted shut for a moment, then they were back on me. “You made them go away, angel, you did that… Jesus, you made me feel human again.”
“Elijah,” I choked out. I tried to scoot across the seat, to get closer to him, but he shook his head. I bit my lip and stayed where I was, but it hurt not to touch him. “Eli, please. What’s going on?” Though I thought I already knew, and it was tearing me apart inside.
He held my gaze. There was so much behind his dark eyes, so much anguish, it was hard to keep looking at him. He reached out and brushed his thumb over my cheek. “You can’t love me, Abigail.”
My breath seized in my chest. “What?”
“This…” He pointed to the rundown cottage that was once his home. “This is where I come from. It’s what I am…and it’s all they’ll ever see.” He kept touching my face. “Cassie was right. I’m no good for you. I never was, and I never will be. I’ll only fail you…just like I failed my mother.”
“No.” The word exploded from my mouth, and I shook my head. “You were just a little boy. You didn’t fail anyone…and I don’t care what they think… I—”
“Everyone in this town loves you. You’ve suffered enough pain in your life already, losing both your parents. After what you’ve given me, I can’t stand by and watch them make you an outcast as well. Do nothing while they turn their backs on you. I won’t.”
I reached up, gripped his wrist, and held on tight. “I don’t care what any of them think. I don’t care about any of them…”
“Someone as bright and beautiful as you…” He cleared his throat. “I won’t be the reason the sunshine fades in your eyes, sweetheart. I never want you to go through what you did in town again, not because of me. You love people. You love your friends. You’ll lose every one of them, all the people you care about, if you’re with me. You need to deny it…”
“No!”
“Abi…”
“No,” I said again. “You can’t tell me not to love you. You can’t.” My heart ached like it was cracking in my chest. “You mean more to me than all of them put together. I promised. I promised you I wouldn’t let them tear us apart, and I meant every word.”
He didn’t answer, stayed quiet at my side for the longest time. His silence saying more than any words could. We were at an impasse. He wasn’t backing down, and neither was I.