“I had no choice. The money went toward my new internet business. I was going to pay it back. It was just a thousand dollars to go with the other money I had scraped up.”
“Then why the hell do they want six-thousand in return?”
He curses as he drops to the worn sofa that sits off to the side. I look around, wondering where his shiny fiancée is.
“Because their interest rates are fucking ridiculous, and all the late fees—”
“I can’t get an apartment on my own because of the damn credit cards you got in my name—you’ve ruined my credit. All I can pay on them is the minimum. Twenty-thousand dollars you owe, and all I can pay is the minimum. That barely covers their interest rates. Now you’ve pawned the title on my car? You stupid, selfish son of a bitch!”
He jumps up from the sofa and glares at me. “I thought I had the right formula. The business was an internet launch, and I just needed a little funding. It crashed, though. I can’t help it.”
“It always crashes, John! Always! When will you just get it through your head that you’re not going to be rich? Just settle for the life you have and find a way to be happy. And quit ruining my life!”
I turn to leave. I don’t even know why I came here. I knew it was pointless. He’s broke, so he can’t pay to keep my car from getting swiped out from under me.
“Settle? Like you do? No thank you. I want to be happy.”
“Money won’t make you happy. Believe me, I know. I was born richer than most people, and I was pretty fucking miserable. Thanks to you, I still am.”
He laughs bitterly, and I turn to glare at him as I reach the door.
“I’m not trying to be rich. I just want to succeed, Brin. And you don’t know how to be happy. You settle. That’s all you do. You accept life and never fight back or even try to find real happiness. So don’t you dare try telling me how to be happy. Because God knows I’m not taking your advice.”
I pick up the closest thing, which happens to be a lamp, and I launch it at his head. It barely misses, unfortunately, and he ducks before I can throw the next thing—a shoe.
I wish I had better aim right now.
“You’d better hope I figure out a way to save my car. I swear, I’ll make your life as miserable as you’ve made mine if I can’t.”
I turn and walk away, battling back the depressing new reality I’m in. It’s sad to know I have a rich family that wouldn’t loan me six-thousand dollars even if I had the audacity to ask.
It wouldn’t matter if they would give it to me, because I won’t ask.
I’m going to lose my car.
***
BRIN
“What did he say?” Maggie asks.
If I tell her the truth, she’ll beg to loan me the money, but she’ll never let me pay her back. I can do this on my own.
“He said he’s going to give me the money tomorrow. So don’t worry about it.”
She gives me a look that swears she doesn’t believe me as she puts her purse on. “I’m going to meet Carmen. But we’re going to a restaurant outside of town—since she’s supposed to be out of town.”
I just nod, hating that I included her in on my lie. I just didn’t want Rye to know how pathetic I was, and I refused to let him think I’d be sitting at home and pining for him.
As she leaves, a tear tries from to escape from my eyes when they water. Not because of the fact that my life sucks, but because my bastard ex-husband said something I wish didn’t ring so true.
I settle. I don’t know real happiness.
I settled for him. I settled for our loveless marriage. I settled for living here with Maggie instead of fighting the credit card bills that he put in my name and destroyed my credit with, making it impossible to get my own place. And now I’m settling for what Rye allows me to have.
I settle for what he’ll give me. I allow him to call the shots and make the rules, because that’s the only way to keep him.
I want a real relationship. One where I can call him my boyfriend and spend the night with him without trying to keep my heart guarded. A relationship where I don’t stay in knots, worried about it ending at any second because he doesn’t want a commitment. A relationship where I can just breathe—the way I felt when we first started dating.
But he’ll never give that to me. Even though all of his actions say he’s falling for me, he keeps his walls very high. He only trusts me enough to tell me the things he wants me to know.
I’m tired of being everyone’s safe-zone. If he wants to be with me, he has to say it. He has to prove it. And this has to go deeper than it is right now. Or he has to tell me goodbye, because I can’t walk away from him.