“It is to me. It’s proof to me that somehow despite everything you’ve found a way to love my fucked up ass.”
“I love everything about you.”
“I’ve got scars, inside and out Mama does it make you care about me less?”
“No way!”
“You heard the kind of filth I was born into, the kind of person I am. How I even got my damn name. Does that change the way you feel about me?”
“No. I love your name. I’ve been to Detroit you know. Do you know what I’ve always found amazing?”
“What’s that Mama?” I ask my hands finding her hair again and swirling it around my fingers.
“People only see the broken sad parts of Detroit, but if you look closer? If you take the time to investigate and see everything that it has to offer, the truth is that it is an amazing and beautiful city. So I think the name fits you perfectly.”
Fuck. She’s done it again. I have so many emotions welling up inside of me that I’m not sure I’ll be able to choke them back down.
“Do you love me Dragon?” She asks and she sounds so insecure, but hell I don’t know how to answer that.
“I don’t know what love is Nicole.”
“Oh,” she says so quietly into the empty room. I can hear the disappointment in her voice and it makes me feel like shit. I don’t want to lie, but I honestly don’t know what that shit is.
“Fuck baby. Don’t you get it? Have you seen how a stone breaks and shatters with the ring of a sledge hammer? Pieces just bust in so many different size chunks you’ll never get them back together? I’m like a goddamned tombstone that has been broken into so many fucking pieces that some turn to dust. I’ve never been scared in my life, but you scare me. You break me woman, you fucking break me apart. I failed to keep you safe and I can’t let that shit happen again. So I ask myself how the fuck do I keep you safe when you leave me so damned defenseless.”
“That sounds a little bit like love to me.” She said so damned hopeful that another layer of ice that I used to keep wrapped around me falls away.
“Mama, how am I supposed to say I love you? I don’t know what that is. Hell mama, I crave you. I fucking need you so bad I can’t breathe unless you’re close by. If that’s love then fucking sign me up, I’m there as long as you’re with me. God baby girl… I need you with me,” I say closing my eyes trying to still the pain I feel that I might have hurt her.
I feel moisture drip down onto my chest and look down to see my woman wiping her eyes. Shit I made it worse.
“Mama, I’m sorry…”
“I love you so much Dragon, everything about you is perfect for me.”
I swallow down more words. I’m longing to open up to her, but I can’t. That’s not fair to my woman, but I need to regroup.
“Go to sleep Mama. It’s been a busy day for you. Me and the boys need to go take care of some things tomorrow.”
“I’m sorry Dragon. I know how much it hurts you and even if you don’t want to talk about it, I know what you’re doing.”
“Nicole, don’t ask me to change. The club has a code, my life has a code, I love you but if I let one fucker get away with shit like this, then a mountain of…”
“I’m not asking for anything Dragon, I’m not stupid. I’m just asking that you don’t lie to me about things or keep them from me. This is who you are, and I’ve seen it up close even if you never meant for me too, and I’m still here.”
“I can’t always share what’s going on with you Nicole and that’s as much for your safety as anything else.”
“When I ask, you will tell me what you can.”
I swallow, wondering if this will bite me in the fucking ass.
“I’ll try.”
“Good enough.”
“Are you done busting my balls now? Can we go to sleep?”
“Since you won’t give me cock, I guess we might as well.”
“God I had no idea what I was in for when I claimed you,” I said with a smile, kissing the top of her head.
“Night Sweetheart,” she whispers.
I lay there listening as her breathing evens out and she drifts to sleep.
Chapter 28
Nicole
He’s killing me. It’s been four weeks since I’ve been out of the hospital and he still won’t have sex with me. I know he wants it, he’s denying himself as much as he is me. It’s driving me crazy. He won’t listen to reason, even when I had the doctor talk to him personally.
Still, tonight was the night. How did I know this? Because I had a surprise for him, I had Dani and Bull taking me out during the day while Dragon’s been away dealing with Irish. I hadn’t asked but I knew whatever was going on was extra hard on him.