Gabe leaned forward and softly kissed my neck. His thumbs snaked their way into the edge of my shorts and panties, and he slowly dragged them down my legs as his mouth trailed the same path down my skin.
He didn't pull his mouth from my body until he was on his knees in front of me. It was a sight that almost killed me. He looked so powerful yet so vulnerable in front of me. His eyes were hard but his pain couldn't be hidden. He leaned his forehead against my stomach and took in a shuddering breath.
I tugged on my arms. I wanted to comfort him. I needed to hold him and tell him that we would get through anything together. I needed him to know that I was here for him. It was the first time he had ever let himself be vulnerable in front of me, and I needed him as much as he needed me.
My arms were locked into place and no matter how hard I pulled I couldn't get them loose.
"Gabe," I whispered.
He looked back up at me then, and just like that, the moment was gone. No longer was he looking hurt and vulnerable. That Gabe was long gone, and the cocky, smooth Gabe was in his place.
"Don't worry, baby. I got you." His cocky smirk took over his face seconds before he ran his tongue through my center.
The argument that was on the tip of my tongue disappeared instantly, and I struggled to hold myself up. Gabe must have felt my legs shaking as he was bringing me to the brink of ecstasy because his hands grabbed my ass roughly, and he pushed me harder against his mouth.
"Oh God, Gabe." My body felt like it was about to explode and somehow every feeling was intensified by the fact that I couldn't move my arms. I had never let anyone restrain me in any way before. There had never been that level of trust.
Gabe held me up as he brought my body to a point it had never reached before. My orgasm ripped through my body, the pleasure shooting through every inch of me. I screamed out his name and would have fallen if it wasn't for his rough hands.
Gabe stood from his knees and led me to my couch. My body was lax as he leaned me down over the back of the couch and my arms pulled tightly behind me.
"You are so fucking beautiful." His gruff voice was almost drowned out by the sound of his zipper.
I turned my head back to look at him, but his dark silhouette was all I could see over my shoulder. His arms tugged his shirt over his head before he moved his body directly behind mine. When his length pressed into me for the first time, I whimpered. I had never wanted someone so much in my entire life.
He slid his cock back and forth through my wetness before I heard the tear of a condom. He lined himself up with me, wrapped his hand in my hair, and slowly slid inside.
His control lasted for only a moment before he let loose and began fucking me like he was dying for my body.
My back arched almost painfully as he fisted my hair. His free hand ran slowly down the arch of my back and left a trail of chill bumps in their wake. I relaxed my body and pressed further into his thrusts.
"Good girl." The compliment seemed to clash with his next move as he slapped my ass hard enough that I felt the sting. It startled me momentarily before a pull started low in my belly again. I squirmed underneath him as a moan slipped from my lips.
"You like that?"
I nodded my head right as his hand came down hard again. I could feel myself falling over the edge. Falling further and further into him.
"My dirty girl." He bit down on my neck as his dirty words ran over me. I lost control then. I fell further into Gabe than I ever had and was lost in the sensation of feeling him surround me. Gabe pounded into me as I clamped down around him and drew out his orgasm.
My body felt like rubber against the back of the couch as Gabe pulled away from my body and slowly untied my arms. He moved around the couch and pulled me into his arms as he sat.
He ran his rough hands over my arms and rubbed out my sore muscles. I stared into his face, but he didn't look up at me. He kept his eyes trained on the work his hands were doing.
I moved my hand out from under his and touched his strong, clean-shaven jaw. His eyes jumped up to mine then and it shocked me how haunted he seemed. He was a ghost of the man he pretended to be in front of everyone else. It was the most beautiful he had ever looked.
"Talk to me, Gabe," I whispered, afraid to startle him back into the man he pretended to be.
"I'm okay. Shit just got too real tonight. I just needed you."
My heart raced as he searched my face. It was the best thing I had ever heard him say. I didn't need a declaration of love from him. I just needed to know that we were in this together. I needed to know that I wasn't the only one who felt like they wouldn't survive if we didn't have each other.
"I'm here. I'm always here."
He closed his eyes against my words as if he was blocking them out. I tried to not let it hurt me, but it was hard.
He pulled my body against his without another word and laid us down on the couch. He pulled a blanket over us as I tried to memorize the sound of his heart beat below my ear. He kissed my forehead and placed his arm around my back.
I held on to him like he was my life line. He had never let me in this far. I had never been that close to the true Gabe before. It scared the hell out of me. Every time he let me in just a small amount, he pulled back just as hard. I didn't know what I would do if he pulled back that hard now. I wouldn't survive it.
But that was how it seemed to work with Gabe, me holding on for dear life while not even realizing he was already slipping away.
It had been four months since I laid eyes on him. Four fucking horrible months. Just thinking about him had the hole inside my chest feeling like it was getting bigger.
After our incredible night together, he slipped out of my bed as easily as he had slipped into my life. Losing him had wrecked me, but the havoc had begun the moment he walked into it. Nothing was the same from the moment I first laid my eyes on him that first night at the bar. Everything felt right and turned on its head all at the same time.
The night that we had shared together felt like we had finally crossed a line that I had been pushing to cross for so long. I woke up wrapped in his scent, and it was the happiest I could ever remember being.
When I opened my eyes, all thoughts of happiness left me as I took in the room around me. I felt like I was in a different world than the one I fell asleep in. It was like he had never been there. All signs of Gabe were gone from my apartment. If I didn't feel the ache between my thighs, I would have wondered if I had dreamed him being there at all.
I could still smell him against my skin but every other trace of him had disappeared. I sat up on the couch and looked around. Surely he had left a note or something. He couldn't have done that to me. He wouldn't. I pulled the throw blanket around my body and walked around the room. I felt like I was in a trance. I couldn't believe that he had snuck out of my house without a backwards glance. I didn't want to believe it.
I spun around the room and tried to make sense of what was happening. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized that he just left me. He left me without any explanation and no worry about how I would feel. He left me just as easily as I should have expected but dared to dream he wouldn't.
I sat back down on the couch as confusion and sadness took over my body. I hadn't allowed myself to cry over Gabe until that moment, and I promised myself that I wouldn't do it again.
After that morning, everything was different. It was as if Gabe and I never even had a friendship, never been anything more. He became a stranger, although, I guess he never had really been anything more than a stranger before if I really thought about it.
Every time we saw each other, it was awkward. We never talked about what happened, and he avoided me like the plague. It hurt. It killed me every time I saw him. Was he okay? Was he seeing someone else?
I hated to think about him being with someone else and not just sexually. I hated to think about him sitting on someone else's couch watching movies. It gutted me to think about him laughing until his dimples showed through with someone else. That was what I missed the most. No one could make me laugh like Gabe. I didn't even realize how much happiness he brought me until he was gone.
The last time I saw him was at Kat's surprise birthday party. We didn't speak a word to each other at that party. Every step I took; he took the opposite. I tried to avoid ever looking at him, but when our eyes did meet I tried to hide the pain that I knew everyone else could see. They all looked at me with pity in their eyes, and I hated it.