I got so used to having her small body next to me every night that I couldn't sleep after she was killed. Between that and the nightmares, there was absolutely no hope.
My baby sister was killed because of my dead beat parents.
My baby sister was killed because putting a needle in their veins was more important than taking care of their children.
My baby sister was killed because I wasn't able to save her.
I put everything I had into protecting her, and it wasn't enough.
I knew that I didn't have a pair of junkie parents to protect Erica from since they were no longer in my life, but I knew I could hurt her just the same.
I didn't want to be responsible for the destruction of another beautiful girl who I didn't deserve, but I couldn't stay away from her. Maybe my parents' had passed something down to me after all because I was fully addicted to her. She was like a death wish.
When we pulled up at Kat and Blake's house, I could feel her tense beside me. She probably felt confused about us. I didn't blame her. I was confused as hell myself. I didn't know where we stood or if we were even standing.
I climbed out of the truck and reached inside to help her out. Her eyes held mine as she slid her perfect body from the truck.
She turned away from me when Kat called her name. I walked around the truck and grabbed mine and Erica's bag from the back of the truck. I could feel Johnny behind me, and I had to brace myself to turn around and face him.
When I did, he was running his hand through his overgrown hair.
"Man, you know you're one of my best friends," he said gruffly.
"Yea. Tell that to my lip." I rubbed my thumb across my lower lip that he had split open.
"You deserved it, and you know it."
I nodded my head in agreement.
"She's my friend, and I care about her." He held up his hands when I practically growled. "I'm not into her like you think. We're just friends. She needed a friend the last few months."
I knew it wasn't a dig at me, but it hurt just the same. "I know, man."
"I just don't want to see her hurt. No matter what she says, she is still in love with you. If you don't plan on treating her right, don't even go there."
"I hear you." I rubbed my hand down my beard. "I don't want to hurt her."
"Then don't." His stern voice was interrupted by her soft question.
"What are y'all talking about?"
"Nothing," Johnny and I answered at the same time.
Johnny stared at me, and I met his stare. Erica stood there awkwardly looking back and forth between us.
It only took a moment for Johnny's face to split into a goofy smile. He pulled me into a hug before I realized what was happening. Johnny wasn't the type of man who hugged one armed and patted your back. He pulled you in and hugged you. It didn't matter if you wanted it or not. He forced it on you.
I heard Erica's quiet laugh and looked over to see a smile lighting up her face that I hadn't seen in a while. It was a true, unreserved smile.
I pulled myself out of Johnny's hug before grabbing Erica's hand and dragging her toward her car.
She was still giggling behind me, and I couldn't ignore how hearing her laugh made me feel.
When we reached her car, I placed our bags on the ground then pulled her small body against me. Her laughter stopped immediately.
"I can't do this shit where we don't see each other until everyone gets together again."
She looked up at me but didn't say a word.
"Can I take you to dinner one night this week?" I asked as that same unreserved smile formed on her beautiful face.
"That sounds great."
"How about tomorrow?" I knew I sounded desperate, but I felt desperate around her.
"That sounds even better."
When I got home from Kat's, I felt like I was floating on a cloud. A smile hadn't left my face since Gabe had asked me to go out with him tomorrow. I felt happy. The flip side to floating on a cloud? A lot of the time clouds were accompanied by rain and storms. Storm Gabe was not something that I wanted to experience again. He blew in like a hurricane and destroyed everything in his path, and I seemed to always put myself in the eye of the storm.
I couldn't think about that though. If I wanted to go on this date with Gabe and actually figure out what was going on between us, I had to try to let go of the past. If I didn't, it would eat me alive and I would never trust him. I wanted to trust him. I wanted him to prove to me that he was the man that he tried to hide from everyone.
He seemed to be in a constant struggle with himself, but it didn't make it hurt any less. I could see him pushing me away. He said things that he should never say about himself. He said things about not being good enough, about being toxic, but he was wrong. He wasn't toxic. Whoever had made him believe that about himself was. I would really like to kick their ass.
My assumption was that it was someone in his family. He hadn't actually told me that, of course. I wasn't sure if Gabe would ever open up to me about his childhood, but I was willing to wait. I just had to learn to protect myself while I gave him the time and space he needed.
Lying in bed, I tossed and turned as sleep evaded me. I couldn't quit thinking about Gabe. I thought about his family. I thought about his green eyes. I thought about his callused hands. There wasn't a thing about him that wasn't racing through my mind.
When I finally fell asleep, I dreamed of those callused hands running over my body. I dreamed about his beard scratching against my neck as he kissed and nibbled on the sensitive spot behind my ear that he knew drove me insane. It was a beautiful torture.
Right when my dream was getting to the good part, I shot up in bed due to the blaring of my alarm. My heart was racing, my chest was heaving, and my skin felt damp. There were two things that my dream had taught me: work today was going to suck, and I couldn't wait to get my hands on Gabe tonight.
I flew in the door at work with only a few minutes to spare. My hair was piled on the top of my head in a messy bun, and I was sure that outfit was wrinkled.
"Good morning, blondie," Brenda's voice greeted me as soon as the door shut behind me.
"What's shakin, bacon," I called back.
"You look tired." She smiled up at me.
"Thanks, Brenda. I love you too."
I walked back toward my office stuck in my grumpy sleep deprived mood to the sound of Brenda's loud laughter. Even grumpy, I couldn't stop from smiling. If Brenda's boisterous laugh didn't cause me to smile, then I had more problems than sleep deprivation and a gorgeous guy haunting my dreams.
Throwing myself into my work always seemed to take my mind off everything else. I won't lie and say that I didn't think about Gabe throughout the day, but focusing on work definitely deterred it. I worked through the stack of papers Dr. Smith had left on my otherwise spotless desk. He knew how bad clutter bothered me so he made sure to cause some in my office almost any chance he got.
I barely came up for air throughout my day, and I was startled when I heard a loud knock at my office door. I looked up to the clock and was shocked that it was already lunch time. I hadn't realized so much time had passed.
"Come in," I called out.
My door cracked open and a tall man walked into my office. His wavy hair was blond and reminded me of a surfer when paired with his deep tan. His eyes were a bright blue that had always matched mine.
"What's up, grumpy?" my brother asked as he plopped down in one of the chairs across from my own.
"I'm going to kill Brenda. I am not grumpy." My tone sounded grumpy even to my own ears.
"Rawr." My brother held up his hands like they were cat claws.
I flipped him the bird.
His booming laugh filled my office and made me feel lighter instantly. That was the thing about him. He was overprotective and typically overbearing, but he could always make me feel better.
"Let's go." He stood up from the chair his large body was taking over. "I'm taking you to lunch."
"I don't remember you asking me to go to lunch with you, Jon."
"I don't remember caring, Erica."
Over. Bearing.
"Whatever." I grabbed my purse from beside my desk and caught the dimple on his cheek that drove all the ladies crazy.
I walked out of my office and left him laughing behind me. He was laughing now, but he wouldn't be when he realized that he was buying lunch.
Jon took me to my favorite Mexican restaurant, and I reminded myself to give him a brother of the year award. The chips and salsa were that good.
In proper big brother style, the grilling started before our server even brought our drinks to wash down the fiesta that was happening in my mouth.
"What have you been up to lately?"
"Nothing much," I said around a chip. "Just working and hanging out with Kat."