Walking back over, he handed me one, “You wanna talk about it?”
Hell no, this was Lee. I couldn’t talk about her as if she was just another notch on my bedpost. I’d fucking ruined enough of her. I was not going to soil her reputation, as well.
“I messed up Derek, like the biggest fucking mess up of mess ups,” I said quietly. I couldn’t take back sleeping with her, or change the way I behaved after. Shit, I was rough with her. I was way too rough…
“I’ll say man, if those bed sheets in the laundry are anything to go by.” I glared at him. Derek had the decency to blush. “No, I'm not a creepy bastard,” he said, taking a sip of his coffee. “I had a few things to wash. I, uh, saw the sheets in the machine when I was putting my stuff in. It was a rough guess, but judging by the look on your guilty ass face, and considering that fact you don’t hang out with many virgins, I’d say guessed right.”
Oh, this was fucking fantastic.
I collapsed into a chair. “I didn’t know, she didn’t disclose that piece of information.” I felt horrible for talking about Lee to Derek, but I needed to talk to someone. I couldn’t talk to Linda; she’d hate me, or Cam; she already hated me. That left Derek.
He sat down beside me, patting my shoulder. “Still,” he mused. “On the bright side, you know you’re the only one.”
I knew that and the thought thrilled me. I wanted to kick myself. I should not be thrilled that I took Lee’s virginity. I shouldn’t feel proud about it. Jesus, I hated myself.
“Fuck knows how many Cam had before me,” Derek muttered. I cringed for him. Poor guy.
Derek and I both knew how openly Cam had given out her ‘favors’ before she and Derek hooked up, which explained a lot of why Derek was so fucking paranoid. However, they were together, something Lee and I weren’t, something we could never be. She had no future with me. I groaned in frustration, pulling my hair.
“Dude what are you gonna do about Rachel? That bitch will go nuclear on Lee if she gets wind of the two of you.”
I knew that. God why did he keep stating my fucking thoughts aloud, it was bad enough they were in my head. Fuck my life. “There is no me and Lee, you know why I can’t Derek,” I muttered.
“Kyle man, you know I love you like you were my own little retarded brother right?” I glared at Derek, smart-assed little shit. “So dude, please listen to me.” I tensed, I knew what he was going to say and I knew it would not make a blind shit of difference. “You gotta stop punishing yourself for what happened nearly two years ago. It wasn’t your fault Kyle. It was a fucking accident that shouldn’t determine the rest of your life. Rachel is a big girl. You don’t have to go through with it dude.”
I couldn’t look at him, he did not understand. “Yeah, I do man.”
Chapter Twenty-three
Lee
It was three weeks and six days before Kyle spoke to me again. Twenty-seven miserable days, where I spent the time pretending not to be hurt and Kyle pretended I didn’t exist. He ignored me at home, avoided me at work and I walked home every night from work alone. It was a Friday evening when the silence finally broke.
I finished my shift and stepped outside when Kyle grabbed my wrist and spun me back to face him, backing me up against the outside wall of the hotel.
“We need to talk princess.” He leaned into me, his face inches from mine. The smell of whiskey off his breath blowing into my face was a wrecking ball to my self-control. If he thought he could click his fingers and I would come running, he had another thing coming.
“Get away from me, you’re drunk,” I growled, pushing at his chest with both of my hands. He didn’t budge.
“Stop fucking running from me,” he shot back.
“I’m not running, I’m leaving, there’s a difference. I’m ‘walking’ home,” I said brushing past him.
“Fine, I’ll walk with you.” He fell into step with me as I marched down the sidewalk.
“Don’t put yourself out on my account; I’m sure you have plans already. I’m sure Rachel, or one of your ‘friends’ would be more than thrilled to have your company, in fact, that would make me ecstatic.”
He looked hurt. “You’re my friend,” he said quietly.
“No,” I spat, anger building inside of me. “We are not friends anymore. I don’t need a friend like you.” I broke into a sprint, but he grabbed my elbow and dragged me back into his chest.
“Jesus, Lee I just want to speak to you. Why are you being so damn awkward?”