He made me feel like a woman.
I looked in the mirror and made sure the sides of my face and neck were covered by my hair.
“Too bad…” I mumbled to my reflection. At the end of the day, it didn’t matter how Adam made me feel or what I wanted—which, presently, was just him. My skin was actually throbbing for his touch. But if he got close, he’d see the scars, and if he saw the scars, it would only be a matter of time before he found out about my past and either ditched me or looked at me the same way Brian and Megan did.
I put a cool, damp towelette down on the back of my neck, and tried to calm the total body inferno. Adam Kinkade was intoxicating. Just when I felt good about my decision to walk out there, thank him for dinner, and call a cab, I was already backpedaling.
Megan had told me once that the only things keeping my insecurities at bay were some low lighting and great makeup. The concealer I wore on my jaw and neck did cover the scars pretty well, and the restaurant wasn’t overly bright…
No!
Whatever Adam was offering was not something I could take on. For some people, sex—hell, life in general—was simple. For me it wasn’t. I went through my mental checklist of why this was a bad idea. Between a job, school, and a mentally ill mother, my limit of crap I could handle was maxed out. I didn’t have time, much less the energy to screw a random stranger. Of course, he was the sexiest stranger I’d ever seen, but that was still no excuse.
Relationships, sex, any of it, involved some kind of feeling. It made you give control to another person, whether long term or for one night. And I wasn’t interested in either. Which is why I never dated. One slip was all it took.
A shaky breath hit my lungs and I put my hands on my stomach. Growing up and enduring the ramifications of a bipolar mother was hard enough. It was scary and more often than not, it hurt.
That would never be me.
Once you crossed that line, got too high or low, you could lose yourself completely. Become violent. I had been too young to know when it had taken over my mother. But for twenty-three years now, I had never let myself even get close to that point. I was too afraid of what might trigger it. I wasn’t about to start hunting for that trigger now.
Adam Kinkade was a bad idea.
I exited the bathroom and was immediately maneuvered against the far wall. Adam’s hard body pressed against me. He placed his palms on the wall on either side of my head, the cold sheetrock pressing into my back.
“Perhaps we got off on the wrong foot,” he murmured. Those lips that I had been thinking about were now inches from mine. That little pep talk I’d just given myself? Out the window.
“I can guarantee we did. Seeing as how you almost hit me with your car.”
“I’m glad you’re safe, but I can’t say that I’m not happy about the meeting.”
My breath hitched. He smelled so good. Those intense blue eyes softened just a touch. Enough to allow me to see a man underneath that hard exterior. There was a difference, a switch almost from the Adam I was currently staring down and the Adam who had sat across from the dinner table from me a few minutes ago. But one fact remained.
He was close.
And for the first time, I enjoyed the feeling. Fear didn’t take over. Instead, anticipation and strength coursed through every cell. All the more reason I didn’t want to lose that. Didn’t want him to see all of me. I needed to maintain control and make a smart decision.
“Adam, I don’t know exactly what you’re after, but I can tell you that I’m not the girl you need.”
He frowned. “I disagree.”
“I don’t do one-night stands. Nor do I sleep with random men on a whim.”
“What about Brian?”
“No! I’m not sleeping with Brian. He is dating my best friend. And that’s not what this is about.”
“Are you with someone else?”
“No.”
“Then I don’t see a problem.”
I lifted my chin to meet him eye to eye. “You think you can just snap your fingers and get whatever you want? I’m not that easy.”
He smirked and trailed his mouth along my ear. A shiver raced over my spine. This was a first. I either flinched or warned them off before anyone had a chance to get this close. This was a bad idea, but I wanted more.
“I was going to use my fingers in various ways on you, Katelyn. All of which I’m confident you’d approve of.” When his teeth nipped my ear lobe, I clutched the front of his shirt in both hands.
“I don’t do casual sex, Adam.”
“Ah. You want a commitment.”
“No.”
He pulled back slightly. “So, you don’t do casual or commitments?”