My husband squeezed me tightly. “Stop. It’s fine. You’re fine, the baby is fine. Everything is fine.”
Everything wasn’t fine, and he knew it.
“F-forgive me,” I pleaded. “Please, forgive—”
“Stop it,” he demanded. “There is nothing to forgive. You had an accident, and you fell. You didn’t want this to happen, Branna. Come on, baby. I know that.”
I continued to sob.
“I won’t be able to live wi-with myself if I’ve hurt ‘im—”
“Baby,” Ryder stressed. “Don’t do this to yourself. You’ll make yourself sick if you keep stressing out like this, and that won’t be good for the baby, right?”
I took a few deep breaths.
“No,” I sniffled. “It won’t be g-good for the baby.”
“Exactly,” he stated. “We have a plan. We’re going to get you warm then into clean, dry clothes. I’ll pack our stuff, and we’ll be on our way home in the next twenty minutes, okay?”
I nodded. “Okay.”
Ryder made good on his word. After I dried and put on multiple layers of clothes, Ryder packed our belongings in record time. Things that weren’t needed were abandoned in the cabin, and without giving our beautiful getaway a proper goodbye, we left, got into our Jeep, and began the journey home.
The drive down the mountain on the back roads was stomach churning. The rain was falling heavily, the thunder and lightning hadn’t stopped, and the wind was so strong it caused whistling sounds to fill the car.
My cries became silent, my tears dried up, but my worries still lingered.
“I shouldn’t have left the cabin,” I said.
“Don’t, Branna,” Ryder said firmly. “Playing the what-if game will only upset you more than you already are.”
He was right. I knew he was right, but my mind apparently liked torture.
“Talk about something’ else,” I implored. “Anythin’ else.”
He did just that.
We talked about anything and everything for the first two hours of our journey. I even fell asleep for a while, and when I awoke, we were back in Dublin about only twenty or so minutes away from the hospital. The weather was just as bad as it was on the mountains, but luck was on our side when it came to traffic. Smarter people than us stayed in their homes and off the roads.
“About our fight,” I said to Ryder. “I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry,” he said. “I should have never been such a dick about why I want five kids, and I should have never pushed the idea on you. It wasn’t fair.”
I remained silent.
“The reason I want five is just because me and my brothers make up five, and I want my kids to have what we have. I want them to have safety, security, love, and loyalty. Before you, my siblings were the only people to offer me any of that.” Ryder’s shoulders slumped as he spoke. “My brothers saved me growing up. Without them, I honestly don’t know what kind of person I would have become back on the compound. It’s just... if anything ever happens to us, I want our children to have brothers or sisters who will help and love them through anything. Apart from you and our baby, Branna, my brothers are my greatest love. They mean everything to me. I’d die for them without hesitation. I guess… I guess I just wanted the baby to have a bond like that too, and I just assumed a bond like that would be in numbers. I’m sorry for forcing my wish onto you, though. I didn’t understand why you didn’t want more kids, but I do now. You aren’t an incubator to just house our kids. It’s your decision on how many—”
“Ours,” I corrected.
Ryder’s eyebrow rose as he glanced for the road to me and back to the road.
“What?”
“Ours,” I repeated. “I was wrong before. It’s our decision. It is me body, but if I’m bein’ honest, it’s your body, too. You love and cherish it—you love and cherish me. Hearin’ your reasons for why you are so adamant about wantin’ five kids isn’t crazy. It’s heartwarmin’, honey. You’re such a good man, and I can’t believe that you’re mine. I will have as many kids as you and God give me. I want our children to have what you and I had growin’ up. Love, happiness, and everything else you listed. Whether it’s with one siblin’ or ten. I want all of that... with you.”
Ryder grabbed my hand for a second then let it go so he could shift gears.
“I want to kiss you so damn bad right now.”
I smiled. “You’ll just have to give me an extra-long one later.”