“I thought I lost you. How is this happening?” I ask her as I rest my forehead against hers and her thumbs gently rub back and forth over the top of my hands that are still pressed against her cheeks.
“I’m so sorry, DJ. You have no idea how sorry I am that I put you through this,” she cries softly.
“Shhhh, it’s okay, baby. Please don’t cry. Just let me keep touching you to make sure you’re real,” I tell her softly, trying not to cry like a fucking baby right along with her.
I run one hand through her hair over and over, letting the soft strands tangle with my fingers. I run my palm against her cheek again, careful of the bruise, down her neck, over her collarbone and rest it against her heart. I feel it beating strongly and I finally let my own start beating again right along with it.
DJ easily lifts me up into his arms and carries me into the house and up to his bedroom. I’ve apologized to him so many times, but it will never be enough. The anguish and torture I witnessed on his face out on his front porch almost killed me. I did that to him. This strong, amazing man…I brought him to his knees and it hurts everything inside of me.
He gently puts me on my feet at the edge of the bed and we undress each other without any words. There’s so much I need to say to him, but right now it needs to wait. He needs this reassurance that I’m here and I need his comfort and his love to take away all the pain.
With the bright afternoon sun streaming through his bedroom window, he peels off all of my clothes, kissing his way up and down my body as he goes. For the first time, I don’t try to hide my hips from him. I let him stare at me as he pulls my underwear down my legs and I’m not ashamed when he runs his palms over the scars. I’m standing naked in the bright light, in front of a man and I’m letting him see all of me. It doesn’t matter that he saw everything the other night because it was wrong then. I pushed him to look so that I could push him away because I didn’t feel like I was worthy of him.
I finally believe that I deserve this. I deserve to be happy and nothing makes me happier than having his hands on my body and his lips on my skin.
He lifts me up into his arms again and then lays me down on top of the bed, quickly covering me with his body. He kisses every place on my face that he can reach while I wrap my legs around his waist and pull him closer. He enters me slowly and I sob against the side of his neck when he’s finally right where he belongs. We fit so perfectly together that I don’t know how I lived my life before he came back into it.
He moves against me and I lift my hips to meet him. We rock together slowly until I have no idea where he begins and I end, like a perfect circle. Everything about this moment is perfection and I never want it to end. When he’s inside me, I let go of everything that causes me pain and let him fill me with everything that brings me joy. He is my heart, my soul and my reason for breathing and I tell him that over and over each time he pushes into me.
“You are everything to me…everything,” he whispers against my lips.
“I love you,” I reply, wrapping my arms tighter around his body.
He kisses me and never stops, continuing the unhurried movements as I pull him deeper inside of me. The build is slow and perfect, my release climbing at an unhurried pace until my scalp starts to tingle and it works its way down my body and flows out of me. It’s magic and bliss all rolled into one big wave of pleasure that makes me feel like I’m floating on a cloud.
He pulls his mouth away from mine to stare down into my eyes as he follows right behind me, breathing my name and words of love when he comes.
“Don’t ever leave me again,” he whispers against my lips.
“Don’t ever let me go,” I whisper back.
“I should have been there,” he tells me as we lie naked in bed facing one another, our arms and legs tangled around each other.
I’ve spent the last twenty minutes telling him what happened, ending with my time in the hospital, and I hate that he feels even an ounce of guilt.
“Stop, you had no way of knowing. I hate that you had to see what you did. I hate that you thought the worst.”
He sighs, pulling me closer until every inch of our bodies are touching. His chest is pressed against mine and I feel his heart beat thumping against me.
“How’s your cheek? And your wrists? Fuck! I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asks in a horrified voice, pulling back slightly to run his fingers over the white bandages covering the rope burns on my wrists.
Pulling my hands away from him, I wind them around his neck and pull him back closer. “I’m fine, I promise.”