A flash of memory flies through my head and I close my eyes, trying to grab onto it.
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, am I hurting you?” I asked, looking down into Phina’s face, still not able to fully grasp that this was happening.
Her red hair was spread out on the pillow behind her head and she stared up at me with a smile, running her fingers down my cheek.
“I’m fine, it’s okay. You can keep going,” she told me softly.
I moved my hips the tiniest bit, my heart practically breaking in half when I saw her wince in pain. I was so fucking drunk that I didn’t even know how I was able to keep my dick hard, aside from the fact that being inside of the girl of my dreams was the best damn feeling in the fucking world. I wanted to make this good for her. It was killing me that I couldn’t make it good.
“Just go slow, okay?” she whispered, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.
I buried my face into the side of her neck and tried counting backwards from a hundred to keep myself from moving too fast. I really hoped she didn’t fucking hate me after this. Her first time shouldn’t be with a drunk idiot like me, but how in the hell was I supposed to say no to her?
As I moved slowly in and out of her, I swear I heard her whisper that she loved me, but I knew my drunk brain must have been playing tricks on me. There’s no way this beautiful, amazing girl loved an asshole like me.
“What. In. The. Fuck?” I shout, my eyes flying open as I glare back and forth between Finnley’s shocked face and the back of Phina’s head.
That memory can’t be real. There’s no fucking way it’s real.
I think about fucking her in the locker room and how familiar she felt and how I just knew I’d been inside of her before, but I thought I was just out of my mind wanting her so much.
Jesus Christ, what the fuck have I done?
Phina whirls around on her stool and jams her finger into my chest and tells me I suck. I have to agree with her at this point, but all I can do is yank her towards me and ask the same question again because none of this makes any fucking sense.
“I repeat, what in the fuck?”
I really, really want her or Finnley to just start laughing, telling me they had too much to drink and they’re talking out of their asses, but that never happens. Finnley continues to stare at me in shock and Phina proceeds to bitch at me. I hate what she’s saying, and it makes my fucking chest hurt hearing that she thought I wouldn’t even look twice at her back in high school. Doesn’t she have any fucking idea that I ALWAYS looked at her? I saw her everywhere I went, in everything I did and in everything I fucking dreamed. The memory from that night back in high school comes rushing back with perfect clarity and I want to scream and put my fist through a wall. I’d been celebrating with my friends the whole damn night, drinking way too much beer and vodka, and then Phina walked into the party looking so fucking gorgeous that I couldn’t think straight. All that booze finally gave me enough liquid courage to approach her and tell her that I was in love with her. Instead of speaking, I just grabbed her and kissed her right in front of everyone. After the kiss ended, she slid her hand into mine and pulled me down the hall to the nearest bedroom. It wasn’t my first time, but when she told me it was hers, I almost walked away. Then she started removing her clothes and my feet felt like cement blocks. I couldn’t move even if someone came in and tried to drag me out of there. She was so gorgeous and I felt like the luckiest fucker in the whole world. I can’t remember anything after we fell asleep in that bedroom. I don’t remember waking up the next morning, I don’t remember talking to her or even leaving the damn house. All this time, I thought it was a dream. I thought there was no way Phina would have ever given something like that to me, and that my feelings were just one-sided. I went off to college and I didn’t see her again until a few months ago. Now all of her anger and hatred towards me makes perfect sense and I wish Dax had finished me off in that ring. The pain of his punches would have felt like cuddling a pillow compared to how I feel right now.
Phina asks Collin for a ride home before stumbling out of the bar and into the parking lot. Collin starts to go after her, but I put my hand on his shoulder.
“Nope, I’ll make sure she gets home safely,” I tell him.
“You sure that’s a good idea?” Finnley asks.
“Fuck no, but I’m still going to do it. I’m not fucking letting her down ever again,” I tell her before heading towards the door.
Pulling into Phina’s driveway fifteen minutes later, I glance over at her asleep in the front seat. When I got out to the parking lot, I found her slumped over the hood of someone’s car. As soon as I lifted her into my arms, her head curled into my neck and she passed out. Good thing for me since I’m sure she would have punched me in the face if she knew I was the one who was taking her home instead of Collin.