She held my gaze through a dozen breaths, and I smelled anxiety, but no fear. I’d known she was hard, known she’d do whatever it took to survive. She didn’t carry a gun, but I’d paid attention to the taser, and I’d found the hidden button and had a feeling it would push enough juice into a body to kill, not just stun.
“Okay, Buttercup. You ever decide to go after them, I hope you’ll let me help, or at least have your back.”
She shook her head, not agreeing, though she didn’t deny me out loud. “I have a few hours to chill out. You’re probably going to want to go to sleep, soon.”
“What time are you meeting Harmony?”
“She’ll let me know when the movers are gone, and I’ll go to the house tonight.”
“So we have the day together?”
“Yeah, but you were up all night.”
“Won’t be the first time I’ve gone without sleep. I’ll be fine.” I sighed, sat down, put some distance between us to try to put her at ease. “You’re smart, I’m smart — surely we can figure this out.”
“Figure what out?”
“I get why you need to be in control, and I’d never want to do anything to trigger bad memories, but I’m not wired to be the fuckee.”
“Well then, we’re at an impasse.”
I sighed and walked to her, gently pulled her to me, and embraced her without holding her. “I don’t accept that.” I’d had an idea, and wasn’t sure if it would work, but I had to ask. “How about an experiment?”
“What kind of experiment?” Her eyes were hooded, guarded. Afraid. My wolf wanted to tear the people apart who’d put that look in her eyes.
I couldn’t show anger or frustration, though, because she might think it was towards her, so I kept my body relaxed and voice soft as I said, “Doesn’t have to happen today, but when you’re ready, you ride me while I’m sitting up — on a sofa or something, maybe. When I get close, I’ll stand up, fuck you, but you’ll be upright, legs wrapped around my waist.”
She shook her head once, but didn’t pull out of my arms. A few seconds later, she said, “How about we both masturbate, without touching the other, first?”
My wolf wasn’t terribly happy with the idea, but I could see some possibilities. For one thing, I’d get to see what worked to get her off. “How do you envision it?”
“Me on the sofa with my trusty vibrator, you sitting on the chair across the room, giving yourself a handjob. We talk to each other, watch each other.” She shrugged. “I dunno, maybe it’s stupid, but once we get over that hurdle... maybe the next step will be easier? Whatever that step is?”
I put my hand near her collarbone and swept her hair away from her face without grasping it. She didn’t freak, and I made a note to do it as often as I could, to help her get used to my handling her hair and not hurting her. I touched her cheek, the lightest of a caress, and brought my lips to hers. She opened for me, and I kept it light, happy, playing with her tongue as it came into my mouth. When the kiss intensified, I backed off and ended it.
“As long as it takes, Buttercup. We’ll figure it out. You’re worth it.” I stepped back and pulled my shirt off. “I’ll masturbate for you now, if it’ll help.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Ice
“Whether it’ll help or not, I won’t turn down the chance to get to watch you play with yourself,” I told him with a sly grin. Perhaps one day I’d figure out what made him tick, get him under my thumb enough some intimacy might be possible.
He touched my chin, gently lifted my face. He wasn’t forcing it, and I breathed through the anxiety in my gut.
“I’m never going to do as you order me, but there’s a good chance I won’t be able to say no when you ask nicely.”
I lifted an eyebrow and asked, “Don’t you have to take your pants off to properly masturbate?”
He chuckled and let my chin go, reached for his belt. “Or when you point out the obvious, I suppose. What’re you gonna do while I jack myself off?”
I backed up, sat on the sofa sideways, and pulled my legs up on the other cushions. “I haven’t decided yet. Depends on how hot I get while I watch you.”
I’d seen him in his boxer briefs, and thought I had an idea of how big he was, but he was larger than I’d expected, and I looked to his eyes a brief second before letting my gaze fall back to his cock again. Damn, he was hung.
He sat in the chair, planted his feet, and squeezed the base of his cock before slowly bringing his fist up to the head. He kept his hand in place as his hips pulled down, pushed back up. He wasn’t jacking himself with his hand, he was fucking his hand. The obvious power behind his hips had the blood flowing to my clit, and I reached down to fondle outside of my labia over my pajama bottoms.