How to cajole her without pressuring? I considered her body language and choice of words, and emailed back, “So, not enough time has passed? Shall I try again in three months? Six months?”
No time at all before she answered, “What will it take to make you go away?”
I smiled as I typed, “A couple of dates, complete with goodnight kisses? Enough to see if we’re compatible. I think we are, and I’m pretty sure you do, too. I’m sorry about the way we met, but I can’t change the past.”
More pacing before she responded this time. She typed it and then paced some more, debating whether to send it. She backspaced, typed some more, paced some more. While I waited, I thought my heart would beat its way out of my chest.
Finally, she sent it.
“I need you out of my life. If having lunch will make you go away, I’ll be there. No kissing, and if you try to capture me you’ll regret it.”
I read fast and then breathed in relief, and emailed back, “No funny stuff. I know I’ll have to earn your trust and I don’t intend to blow it right off the bat.”
Chapter Twenty
Ice
Why the hell had I agreed to this?
I’d taken my nail polish off this morning, and I was wearing fatigues and a tight, black t-shirt, with black hiking boots. Unwilling to cut my hair, I French braided it and tucked it under itself, so he wouldn’t realize how long it’d grown. Always conscious of the NSA’s facial identification methods, I left a hunk of hair free and allowed it to completely cover one eye. I could pull it away from my face once we were in the restaurant, but it would need to stay over my eye while walking down the street.
I wore no makeup, and I had my hotel keycard, credit cards, ID, and some cash in my pocket. No purse or backpack to hassle with.
I also had pepper spray, a fully charged taser, and my knife. I had no idea what I was walking into, but we’d be in a public place and I intended to be careful.
My gut told me I’d be safe with him, but common sense told me I was an idiot for meeting him. I rationalized it by telling myself if I were to make a truly clean break, I’d need to get him to stop looking for me. Odds were, he’d figured out I’d go to the identity auctions sooner or later, and had found me through them. This meant he likely knew my new name, which meant if I intended to use the name for the rest of my life, I had to get him to back off and go away, because he’d always be able to find me once I began using Harmony’s identity.
I’d hacked into the cameras around the park, and watched the area most of the morning. I directed the feed to my phone, and I kept an eye on it as I approached. Brain was there, waiting, and I didn’t see anyone else who appeared to be with him. If I’d thought other members of RTMC were there, I would’ve aborted.
I walked to within fifteen feet of him and stopped, unsure of what happened next, or even whether I wanted to be any closer.
Brain is tall, but his presence is so much bigger than his physical body. I always feel as if there’s more than one of him, inside his body, though it makes no sense. Until I met him, I didn’t truly understand the term larger than life.
With the kids running around and playing between us, it was doubtful he’d hear me, but I still said, “Hi,” because just standing and staring was awkward.
He took four steps towards me and stopped, as if I were a wild animal he didn’t want to spook. His smile was gentle, and suddenly it took every ounce of willpower I owned to stand in place instead of turning and running.
I crossed my arms, and realized how it looked as I did it, but didn’t care. I needed a barrier between us, something to protect my heart, and my arms were the best I could do at the moment.
“I’ve missed you,” he said, his voice soft, but loud enough I could easily hear. “I’m sorry you’re so uncomfortable. What can I do to help?”
“Go away and never contact me again?”
He shook his head. “I want to get to know you better, want to hold you when you need comforting, and…” he took a breath and spoke with so much conviction, I could only stand and stare. “I need to be sure you’re safe. I know you can take care of yourself, and I know I failed you once and there’s no reason to trust me again, but I’ll never again put the club, or anything else, anyone else, ahead of you.”
I shook my head and took the final steps to close the distance between us. “If I fuck you a few times, will that be enough? I need to get on with my life, Thurston, and I can’t do it if you keep popping up. I need to sever all ties to my old names, surely you understand?”
“If you’re offering sex after lunch I won’t turn you down, but only because I want to get to know you better, want to get closer to you. I don’t intend to walk out of your life, Harmony. I can find a way to make money no matter where I live, and I’m sure you’ve verified I broke all ties with the Chattanooga RTMC. For now, I’m officially part of the Atlanta chapter, but Bud will give me nomad status, should I want to move so far away he can’t keep claiming me as one of his.”