Boyfriend Bargain(52)

I huff out a laugh. I haven’t said a peep about the money, and it’s driving them crazy.

Julia smirks at my dented-up Toyota. “Wouldn’t it be nice to drive something else?”

“Mercedes.” Taylor snaps his finger at me. “I know what you bloody like.”

I give them a final hug since I won’t see them until after spring break. I head back to the dorm, and I guess I should be preparing to meet my “family”, but all I can see in my head is Z. I hope…I hope he’s happy.





* * *



It’s much later, when I’m asleep, that a loud bang reverberates on my door. I open my eyes, sit up, and grab my phone—it’s one in the morning. Shit. Julia? Did she forget her keys? She would have texted, though. I get up and walk over to her side of the room, and sure enough, she isn’t home. I recall Taylor and Poppy wanting to try out a new dance club…

“Who is it?” I call out. All I have on is a pair of blue boy-cut panties and a bright pink tank top with BB’s logo.

“Me.”

I feel lightheaded at the sound of Z’s voice and before I know it, I’m standing at the door. I lean against it. “Why are you here?”

“Let me in, Sugar. Please.”

I swallow. “I’m not sure I should.”

“Please.” His voice is scratchy and barely there and I guess he’s hoarse from the game. Wait…

I yank the door open, shocked at his haggard appearance as he leans his arm on my doorjamb.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in Wisconsin with the team? I—I thought y’all didn’t fly home until tomorrow…” My voice stops, eagerly taking him in. He might be a shell of himself, but he looks eased, and there’s a softness around his mouth that wasn’t there at the Kappa party. His hair is everywhere, a tousled mess, but he’s shaved recently. There are still shadows on his skin and that empty look in his eyes, the one I see when I look in the mirror.

His gaze roves over me and he blinks, as if he’s taken aback. “Coach gave me permission to rent a car and drive back. It took four hours, but I had to see you.”

I just…stand there.

Frustration flits through his eyes and he rubs his hands over his face. “I drove straight to the rental place after the game. I haven’t slept, and I think I’m dreaming now that I see you…” His shoulders bunch up, his face weary. “I’ve made some mistakes, and fuck, I couldn’t talk to you, but I’m here. I’m ready.”





44





Zack





Fuck. She’s achingly beautiful with all her hair spilling around her bare shoulders, trailing down to her chest.

She gives me a hesitant nod and opens the door further. I ease inside, still dressed in the running clothes I put on after my shower in the locker room.

“What’s up with the luggage?” I ask, eyeing the brown leather bag sitting on her desk as we walk inside.

“I’m flying to Davenport tomorrow—today, actually.”

“Shit.” I stare down at her. “The will.”

“Yeah.” She crosses her arms over her chest and looks away from me.

“I didn’t think you were going.” I’ve missed so much.

“I changed my mind.” She motions to her side of the room and I head to her bed, falling back on it and sinking into her pillows. Fuck, I missed this. Her scent drifts around me, and I close my eyes and inhale.

I’m not looking but I hear her moving around as she opens up her closet.

“Shot of tequila?” she asks, and I shake my head no, shifting my gaze and watching her. “Well, I think I will have one.” Her hand trembles as she pours a splash into a paper cup and tosses it back. She looks back at me. “Why are you here?”

I ease up until I’m sitting. I’m fucking beat, my body spent from the series of games we’ve had these past couple weeks. “Why am I here?” I huff out a laugh. “For you. Always you.”

“Took you a while.” She studies me and her eyes are bright, as if she’s holding emotion back.

A long sigh comes from me. “I had to finish my season.”

“Hockey is first. I get it.” Her voice is shaky, and I sigh, knowing she’s hurting just as much as I am.

“No, it’s not like that.” I pause. “You gave up on us first, and I knew if I begged you to come back and you rejected me again, that…fuck, I might never go back and play.”

She looks down at her drink. Her lip trembles.

“You crushed me when you walked out, Sugar.” My voice cracks.

She blinks. “You know why I left.”

I let that go for a second, gathering myself as I stare at my hands. “I’ve been thinking about this conversation for weeks, and I need you to listen. God, please…just give me a chance.”

I glance up, and she’s watching me. “You’re here. Say whatever you want to say.”

“You weren’t prepared for how good it was between us.”

She stares at me.

“And when you discovered the truth about Willow, it was the proof you needed that I was just like everyone else.” I sigh. “But the thing is, you love me. You can’t breathe without me. You want me just as much as I want you.” I swallow, feeling panicked and thinking maybe I’m pushing her too far, but I have to. If you want the gold, you have to give it your all.

“It’s killing us both,” I say, pushing myself up to standing. “Seeing you dancing with some guy—I wanted to fucking kill him—” I take a deep breath. Let that shit go. You don’t own her. “I need to tell you about Willow.”

She takes a seat near the window and I pace around the room, wanting to go to her to hold her, but I need to get this all out. “Growing up, our mothers were best friends and Willow’s family was always around, hanging out, having dinners. We even took vacations together. When I turned sixteen, we went from friendship to sex to what I thought was love. But we were just kids.

“My mom passed away right before Christmas and then Willow told me she was pregnant a few weeks later. Two huge things slammed into me and I handled it like I do all things—I pushed it away and withdrew to figure it out. Should I marry her and come to HU and wait for her to graduate high school? Should I give up college hockey and stay with her? Should we get an abortion? What was I going to say to her parents? I wanted to do the right thing so bad, but I also wanted to play hockey. All of it freaked me out, and I didn’t show up to meet her at a party one night. I told Reece to take care of her, said I’d be there later. I was on my way when I came up on the cops and her car.”

Sadness washes over me, but I power through, clearing my throat.

“Listen to me, Sugar. I never felt for her the way I do you, not even a sliver of the same emotion. She isn’t you. Yes, you favor with the hair and similar features, but put you two side by side and it’s not even close anymore. Her eyes were brown. Yours are blue. You’re vastly different. It’s like me and Reece—we look alike, but once you know us, we are so different. I mean, can you tell the difference between the two of us?”

She nods and looks out the window. “You said you loved her forever. You said how different your life would be if she were here.”

I nod. “And it would be. I’d probably have a kid and be married…I think obligation would have made me do what I thought was right. I wrote those letters—hell, I lied to her to let go of the grief.” My voice shakes. “Grief is a strange, terrible thing, Sugar. It rips you up inside.”

Varying emotions flit across her face. For once, she’s impossible to read, and my hands ache to touch her, to hold her and sooth those worry lines off her face.

“How am I different?”

I huff out a laugh. “You’re tall, feisty, a bit of a sexual deviant, quirky to the point of awkwardness, and a sugar fiend. You’re fucking perfect.”

She chews on her lip. “But when you saw me at the Kappa party…”

“You looked like her, it’s true, and it stunned me, but you were the girl in that bathroom. You were the girl I kissed out on that porch. Willow and I…we were just teenagers, and we never had the emotional connection you and I do.” I sigh. “The day you showed up at my house with the pie, it took me a minute to process the resemblance, but as soon as you smiled, it was all you. Your hair, your lips, your face. I never meant to fall for someone who resembles her, but you…you were irresistible. I didn’t feign interest in you for therapy or to work out my guilt. I did it because I couldn’t resist you. I love you.” I’m breathing hard, my chest heaving. What if this isn’t enough…what if…

She gets up and comes to me, and I exhale as she leans her head against my shoulder. Her arms curl around my waist, and the feel of her against me, the scent of her hair in my nose…I’m home.

“Sugar?”

She shakes her head, her face buried in my chest, and she sniffs.

“Don’t cry, please, babe—shit—fuck, I called you babe.” I suck in a breath, my arms tight around her. “Sugar, I’m sorry, so damn sorry I couldn’t come to you sooner and didn’t tell you the moment I knew I should have. I was just so scared. I tremble at the idea of you rejecting me because I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my whole fucking life, and I know I’m fucked up and I need help and I know you get me. You get me, and I can’t live without you. I can’t.” My words are running together and my face is wet and hers is too and…and I can’t wait. I tilt her face up and kiss her.