I park illegally, near the inner circle where people walk, because I’m shoeless. I drift in through the front door of the lobby and it’s mostly quiet, thank goodness. I don’t want anyone to see what a mess I am right now. The girl behind the desk arches a brow when I pass by and then calls my name.
“Hey, you’re Sugar, right, in 412?”
I plod back over to her. “Yeah?”
She picks up a small vase of daisies and sets them on the counter. I blink down at them and look at her. It’s the third one in a month.
She shrugs. “No card, but a really hot guy with dark hair dropped them off for you. He said he was your boyfriend and wanted to come up to your room, but well, it’s past visiting hours and all, although I was tempted. He’s hot. Nice catch there.”
“He’s not my boyfriend. He’s my ex.”
“Okay.” She shrugs and goes back to her desk.
I exhale and pick up the vase. Fucking Bennett. Now I have two things to carry upstairs. “Thanks.”
I take off for the steps, my feet heavy as I climb the flights up to my floor. Periodically, I pause and look down at the white and yellow flowers.
I glare down at them. Daisies. They aren’t even my favorite, but he always got them for me because he liked them. “They’re glorified weeds,” I say to no one and keep walking. “If you would have just listened to me, Bennett, you’d know I don’t care for pale flowers with no soul.”
Maybe Julia will like them.
Once inside my room, I see that she’s gone. Typical. I set down the bag of sugary fried dough and flowers, glad I have my entire dorm room to myself.
I yank open my dresser to pull out a Boobie Bungalow pink tank and a pair of booty shorts. For once the stupid radiator in the room seems to be working, but there’s no valve so it’s hot as heck. Once the torn dress is off and hung up nice and neat, I pull out a half-full bottle of Grey Goose from the top shelf in my closet and pour a few inches into a plastic cup. From the fridge, I pull out a club soda and a lime. When you’re a girl dealing with a cheating ex and a creaky old dorm room, these are basic tools of survival.
“I’m sorry you got ripped in the crazy sex,” I say to the dress with a little sigh as I plop back down on my bed. I keep a small sewing kit in my desk, and I make a mental note to see if I can fix the tear. If I can’t, I’ll send it to the alterations place across the street from BB’s.
Annoyed and frustrated, I fluff up my pillows, flop down, and turn on HBO.
“Game of Thrones,” I snap into my remote. I need Jon Snow, stat.
I’ve gone through one drink and an entire episode of my re-watch, and I’m at the part where a zombie shows up—
Someone bangs on my door.
“Great timing! Almost pissed myself,” I mutter. Setting my drink on my desk next to me, I dash to the door.
“Who is it?”
“Z.”
My stomach clenches. He came after me? I put my hands on my hips. “Shouldn’t you be at the party?”
“I left. Went for a run.” His voice is low.
“But it’s Eric’s birthday.”
I hear a sigh. “The last I looked, Eric was with twins, one on either side of him. He won’t even miss me.”
There’s a long pause.
“Are you going to let me in?”
I chew on my lips. “Not a good idea.”
“Are you afraid we’ll have mind-blowing sex again?”
My teeth snap together. “We shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why not?”
“Because we said we wouldn’t.”
“I knew we would.”
“Well, I thought we were on the same page.”
“We might have been, but then you walked into my house—”
“I have neighbors you know. They tend to listen.”
He lets out a small laugh, but I sense the strain underneath. “Come on, Sugar, let me in.”
But here’s the thing—there is no fixing this, because he’s hot and sexy and even now my body is practically pressed against the door. I have no control. None.
“Plus, I need to give you your shoes and coat. You ran off without them.”
“You ran with my stuff?”
“I wore a backpack—just for you.”
“Fine. Put them by the door.”
A few seconds tick by and I’m wondering, dying to know what he’s doing.
“What’s all the moving around? You still there?”
“Yep. Just sitting down. Not going away until you let me in to apologize.”
“For what? Be specific.”
He sighs and I hear the clack of the heels as he sets them on the tile beside my door.
“Things.”
“Uh-huh.”
He exhales. “I’m sorry I flew off the handle when you brought up your ex. It’s just…I don’t like to think about you being with him.”
“Why?”
“You know why.” His voice is terse. He sighs. “I’m sorry I called you the girl of the month. There is no such thing, I swear. Some jersey chaser made that up to be cute my freshman year and it just stuck. Now we just make jokes about it.” He pauses. “I’m not the testosterone-addled asshole you think I am. I’m just a mostly normal dude who happens to be really into you.”
I fidget from one foot to the next, my head going back to the dragon tattoo I saw tonight. Placed on his left shoulder with the head lying over that side of his chest, it was massive and colorful, inked in shades of royal blue and yellow with orange flames coming from the mouth.
I chew on my nail. “When did you get your tattoo?”
He lets out a sigh, part weary, part amused. “Truly, it’s a fine story, how I came to have this wonderful tattoo, but it’s one that should only be told face-to-face.”
I cross my arms. “You are not getting into my room.”
“Because you’re too chicken to be alone with me?”
I huff. “I am not—”
“You’re afraid you’ll take one look at my incredibly muscled, naked chest—”
“I’ve seen some chests, and yours is not the most incredible.”
“And you’ll faint like those ladies in the Jane Austen books—”
“How do you know what ladies do in Jane Austen books?”
He sighs. “I know my books.”
I smirk. “Quote me something from one of your books.”
He clears his throat. “You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you. That’s Mr. Darcy speaking to Elizabeth Bennet.”
“You probably saw it on a coffee mug,” I say, but he has my attention. I happen to adore Mr. Darcy.
He huffs. “My mom used to read the classics aloud to me and my brother. She was a high school English teacher.”
I sniff. “Well, fine, you know Jane Austen. Do you know anything else?”
He pauses, and I picture him thinking—
“Are you Googling stuff?” I ask.
“No. I’m racking my brain to come up with some kind of quote, but Jane isn’t my favorite. I know a poem by Robert Frost.”
“The one from class?”
He huffs out a laugh and quotes.
“Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.”
His words are wistful as he recites the poem, and it strikes a chord.
“My mom used to say that last line to me a lot, especially when I was upset or working through something. She died when I was seventeen, right before I came to HU.”
I bite my lip. “My mom passed when I was eleven.”
A long, long sigh comes from him. “Mine had breast cancer. She and my dad hid how bad it was from us for a long time, but it got her.” I hear a rustling noise as if he’s really getting comfortable. “She gave me a necklace with the last line from the poem on it before she died. She said it was a reminder that life isn’t always gold, but that green does eventually come back around. It’s the way of the universe.”
“It’s beautiful that you have that.” I swallow.
“How about you? What happened?”
My heart is heavy, even though it’s been years. “I came home from school and she was dead. Seizure, they said. She was epileptic and wasn’t great about taking her meds. She…she was all I had. My father had completely broken up with her by the time that happened. Plus, he already had a wife and kids. I was the love child he never wanted.”
There’s silence for a while.
“Are you still there?” I say.
“Yeah. Just thinking about you being alone…it must have been hard coming here, your dad not being around and all.”
I sigh. “Yeah.”
“Can I come in, Sugar? I just want to hold you. I was an asshole.”
“Honestly, I like talking to you like this. It’s easier.” With a door between us, there’s no risk of me having sex with him. “Tell me about your cat. What’s her name?”
“She’s not my cat. Her name is Long John Silver.”
I smile. “Who named her?”
He snorts. “You’ve been talking to Eric. Okay, okay, the cat is mine. I dig the cat. She curls up next to me when I sleep, and honestly it makes me feel calm, and I need a little of that during hockey season.”