It was strange. As the knife tip got closer and close to me, cutting nearer and nearer as my back pressed up against the wall, I kept thinking about Louisa. I kept thinking about all the things that could have been with her, all the things that I wished had happened differently.
And then there was a soft thud and the man’s skull exploded. I was covered in blood as he fell to the ground.
Ethan smiled at me, his gun smoking. “That was close,” he said.
“Fuck. I thought I was going to die.”
“Not with me around.”
“What took you so fucking long?”
“Couldn’t find my gun. And you seemed okay.”
“Jesus fuck, Ethan. I am both angry and very happy right now.”
“You’re not dead. Stick with happy.”
I looked down at the dead assassin’s body, his skull exploded from the bullet tearing through the back of his head. I wiped the blood from my face and chest with the sheets.
“We should go,” Ethan said.
“We should.” I agreed.
He began to pack.
I stared at my stuff, at the man’s body. I knew I should just get back on the road, keep moving. This was proof that Arturo was after me, and my life was in danger now more than ever. I had no clue how they found us, but they had, and that meant more guys were going to find us soon. I needed more protection and to hide deeper.
But I didn’t want to fucking hide. I could see two choices in front of me, clear as day.
I could go on the run and go into deep hiding. I’d lose everything I worked for. I couldn’t be the attorney general, hell, I probably couldn’t even practice law. I’d be a shell of a man, a shadow of my former self, but at least I’d be alive. I could cobble together some semblance of an existence, though I’d always be dissatisfied, broken, undone.
Or I could return to Chicago and take back what was mine. Maybe I couldn’t do it with Louisa, but I had other contacts. I knew men in the Russian mob that could help, and the police force was on my side. Louisa was still going after Arturo, and eventually one of them would win. I could still help her with that, even if she had turned her back on me.
The choice was obvious to me.
I wasn’t the running type. I couldn’t live a life of weakness. I wasn’t going into hiding, because I needed to do what I needed to do. And I needed Louisa, even if she didn’t see it.
“We’re going back to the city,” I said to Ethan.
He smiled. “Good.”
I nodded and started packing. I still had blood splattered on my body, but that could wait. Blood washed off.
I was going back to Chicago, and I was going to take what was mine. No more fucking around. No more weakness.
The last thing I thought about when I was convinced that I was going to die was Louisa. I knew what was important to me.
I had to live and get back what I lost.
30
Louisa
The new safe house was nothing like the old one.
For days I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about Wyatt and seeing his face in my mind during those last moments.
I knew it was a mistake to turn my back on him. I knew it the moment it was happening. Maybe Kasia thought it was best for me to move on from him, but she was wrong.
I thought that feeling would go away. I thought if we moved and I kept going forward, I’d forget about Wyatt.
Instead, I found myself on my computer trying to track him down. Each night, late into the night, I searched for any sign of him. I didn’t know why, but I wanted to talk to him. I had no clue what I’d say. I figured I’d think of something whenever I found him.
But each night, I found nothing, and that aching hole in my chest got deeper and wider, deeper and wider.
I knew what it was, but I couldn’t put it into words. Or maybe I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. I didn’t want to admit that I needed someone, that I needed someone more than I’d ever needed someone before. It wasn’t the same way I needed Kasia or the other girls. It was deeper than that.
I hadn’t realized that need was there. I didn’t know it was inside of me, slowly developing, slowly growing. When I sent him away, that only made it so much more obvious that he was incredibly important to me.
Each night, I searched, and each night I found nothing. I didn’t know what I could say to him to make him understand what I did and what I wanted. I wouldn’t believe me or want anything to do with me if I were him.
But it became obvious that I had to try.
And finally, after days of sleepless nights, he appeared. One second it was as it always was, just silence and nothingness, and then suddenly there he was.
His computer was back online. I did a quick search, tracking it down, and was shocked to find out that he was connected on the public WiFi at his normal hotel.