"We're fine. Thank you." Tommy's tone is cold.
The waitress shoots me another look before turning away.
"Don't look at her again," he whispers in a warning tone as she walks back to the counter. "Remember what I have in my pocket." I turn my attention to my plate, half-heartedly picking at the food. Shifting it around on the plate so he won't bug me about it again.
"Why do you make me do things like that?" he whispers urgently. "Why?"
"I don't know, Tommy," I say. I'm so tired now.
He takes a big mouthful of pancakes. "Bet you didn't think I knew all about your little boyfriend." He smirks.
I'm too overwhelmed to care. I shrug.
"Well, I do. I know all about him."
I know he wants me to ask how he knows. "How did you manage that?"
"The internet. It's not hard."
"How long have you been watching me?" Let's cut to the chase. I'm sick of playing games.
"Two days. I sent the clipping, then drove to your town. My car was sitting right outside your house, and you didn't even notice." He sounds gleeful.
"You got a new car. I didn't recognize it."
"I thought you'd feel me. You know what I mean? I felt you. The moment you drove up, it was like your energy called to me. Tried to pull me toward you. It's a force of nature." He stares at me, hard. I feel his steel-gray eyes boring holes into the top of my head as I stare down at my plate. "You can't fight a force of nature. Don't you know that by now?"
I shake my head, tears falling onto my plate. I swipe my hand over my face, wiping the tears and my running nose. He hands me a napkin without a word. I blow my nose.
"Aren't you hungry?"
"Not very. Like I said, I don't eat at this time of night often. I'll try some." I make a half-hearted attempt at eating a few bites, swallowing down some coffee. I take deep breaths to keep from having it come back up.
He's finishing up. Shit. I have to find a way to send a message. I look around, not moving my head. What can I do? The waitress has been watching us on and off, I've seen her from the corner of my eye. Can I get through to her? Somehow?
"I have to use the bathroom." It comes to me out of nowhere. The funny thing is, I actually do have to pee. I've been in a car for hours, after drinking a bunch of coffee at the shop. I'll leave a note on the bathroom mirror in soap. Something. Anything.
"Okay. I'll take you in a minute. As soon as I pay."
My heart sinks. "What?"
"I said I'll take you to the bathroom."
"I don't need you to do that. I'm a big girl. I know how to pee."
He looks at me, a hard glint in his eyes. The benevolent parent has left the building, along with the joyful child. "If you think I'm going to leave you alone, you underestimate me."
"I would rather not go if you're going to go in with me."
"Tough. You're going to. Don't tell me you suddenly don't have to go."
I fight back the tears. I won't cry in front of him again. Not ever. He puts money down on the table, then stands. He takes my elbow, making me stand beside him. "Walk in front of me. Don't you dare attract attention." We go to the restrooms, which consist of a male and female facility. He pushes me into the ladies' room, following me inside and locking the door.
I've never felt so humiliated in my life. I sit there trembling while he watches. There's a soap dispenser and a big mirror. I could have left a note. I could have.
We walk back out to the car after Tommy orders me to make no eye contact with anyone. In the parking lot, he berates me in a menacing whisper the entire way back to the car.
"I wasn't going to make you get back into the trunk, but you leave me with no choice. If you didn't have to try to be smart, to trick me, I would have let you ride in the front seat. But no. I can't trust you. I have to put you in the trunk. You did this to yourself."
"Please don't make me ride in there. It's so cramped and uncomfortable. There's no fresh air. Besides, don't you want to talk some more? We can't talk when I'm in the trunk." The car is getting closer all the time. I could make a break for it now. My legs don't feel cramped up anymore.
His hand tightens on my elbow. "I don't think so. You need to learn your lesson. Good girls get to ride in the front seat." He pushes the button on his car key, popping the trunk. I look around. Surely, somebody has to see this. But we've parked far from the diner. We're out of sight.
He shoves me inside with a word, then slams it shut. I wait until he starts the engine before bursting into tears, one fist in my mouth to muffle the sound.
Chapter 35
Jax
I ride for hours, nothing much to do but think.
Opening up to Adam was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I buried that shit so far down inside myself, it was almost like reliving the moment when I talked about it. There was still something about that day I didn't tell him … but he didn't need to know. It might have been too much.
I didn't tell him how Marissa tried to shoot me. I told him I was too slow to stop her from shooting herself. That was true. But it was because I'd just ducked to avoid getting hit by the shot she aimed at me. It hit a tree behind me. Then she pointed the gun at herself. I lunged. Too slow from an awkward position.
Why did she do it? Because she wanted to stop me from stopping her. She didn't care if she hit me or not-maybe she wanted to kill me, maybe she wanted to scare me. Since I took the gun, there was no way for the police to know she'd fired an extra shot. I don't even know where it hit, exactly.
She was that desperate in the end. That determined to die. She couldn't live with herself. I can only imagine how her mind was twisted up. Feeling like she'd killed our friends. She hadn't. I tried to tell her it wasn't her fault. Frankie used her. I loved him once, I said, but not for a long time before that final ambush. He'd become a monster. Not just by skimming. By ruling with an iron fist. All he cared about was money. He had rules once. Never hurt women, never hurt children, don't bring the innocent into our business. Then a series of row homes had burned to the ground, all owned by a rival of the club and rented out to low-income families. A mother and her three kids died in that fire. Frankie always denied involvement, but I'd known better. That was the beginning of the end for me.
Once he was gone, and Marissa, I'd had enough. Right after Frankie's murder it was rumored I'd be the one to step into his shoes. I didn't want them. I saw what power did to him, and I wanted nothing to do with it. I wanted to get my wife far away from the noise. It was too late for her, though. The addiction had taken her too far away from the person she really was. Then she killed herself, which brought heat onto the club. The police were looking for any excuse to bring everybody in. By the time the dust settled, none of them had wanted anything to do with me anymore. Especially with Adam going around, poisoning the other members against me. Saying I'd killed my wife, his sister. The woman the rest of the guys also saw as a sister, knowing her most of her life.
I was asked to leave. No punishment but that. I could no longer wear the kutte, couldn't associate myself with the club. I was more than happy to get out. It seemed like a lifetime had passed since I stood outside that party, wishing I could find a way to get inside and be a part of things.
The only other rule I was given was staying out of town as much as possible. They didn't want me going around bad-mouthing the club. I had no problem with that, either, seeing as how there was no love lost there. They could go fuck themselves, all of them.
It was just my dog and me. Marissa's dog, that is. I didn't need anyone else.
Then came Christina.
My chest tightens when I think of her. Where is she? Am I close? Did they maybe stop off somewhere? They've only been on a road a few hours-no way he's made it to the campus yet. There's a chance she's still alive.
And probably terrified. My chest tightens further. I scream into the wind. There's no one to hear me, not at this time of night. I'm virtually alone on the road except for a trucker here or there. Every car I approach, I wonder if I'll see him. What would I do if I did? I can't run him off the road, not when she's in the car. And if he's been watching her at all, he probably knows about me.
I see her in front of me, replacing the road. That thick, dark hair. The freckles on her nose and cheeks. The way she looked when she yelled at me, when I made fun of her soufflé. How it felt when we first kissed. I thought I'd burn up. It was never like that with any other woman. Intense. Passionate. Wild. Her body. I can almost feel it under my hands.
She's a good person. A caring person. She told me she had my back, she supported me no matter what. I can't think back to a time in my life when I had that. I thought I had it with the club. I was wrong about that. I believe her, though. Just when I wanted to open up to another woman, this happened.