She tucked a strand of hair behind her head. “What makes you think I didn’t mean it?”
“You came back, didn’t you?”
“I wasn’t given much of a choice. It was either come back here or freeze to death.”
He shrugged. “You still could have asked Hale to take you.”
“It’s like you said. If Hale left, there would only be you here to defend the den.”
Alder gave a slight nod, though she wasn’t sure he believed her. She couldn’t blame him. She wasn’t sure she believed her.
Cool-In-A-Crisis Sarah was always very practical, and at the time it had seemed like a solid plan. Get Hale to take her to the nearest town, terminate the pregnancy, and then put Cain and everything else behind her.
Now that she had slept on it, she recognized there were two things she hadn’t accounted for. The first was that she’d never be able to get over Cain without some sort of resolution. Much like her mom leaving her, she’d probably always wonder what they could have had together.
The other thing she was only starting to realize was that she really didn’t want to get rid of the baby. It wasn’t that she’d had a major change of heart about her situation. She’d never wanted to be a parent, but despite her best efforts to remain detached, she was already beginning to feel responsible for the life growing inside of her.
It had begun the night before, when she’d eaten breakfast. Grace had insisted that she eat the liver as it was ‘good for the pup’, and Sarah had spent at least a moment wracking her mind, trying to remember if Grace was right, before having to remind herself that it didn’t matter. Then, earlier that morning, the straw that had broken the camel’s back had been when Meadow had elbowed Sarah in the gut. Sarah had shot up, feeling an inexplicable rush of anger and protectiveness. It had taken several deep breaths before she had been able to get her emotions under control. It was only then that she decided to blockade herself with Sable, whom Sarah reasoned was much hardier than her baby.
Her baby… She was so screwed.
Wisps of smoke began to curl up from the fire pit as Alder kindled the flame. Finding the smell of wood smoke to be strangely soothing, Sarah leaned back on one arm, her free hand idly rubbing her stomach.
Alder pulled back as flames swept through the fire pit. He brushed his hands off on the fur and then glanced over at the pail, his nose wrinkling.
She said, “Sorry, I’ll take that outside.”
He held up a hand. “I’ll take care of it.” He scratched his chin, and then added, “It’s good that you’re sick.”
“You think?”
Alder gave an affirmative grunt. “Dawn was always sick with Caim, but never with the next two.” Sarah shot him a questioning look, and he said, “Snow was her third. She lost the second.”
“It was Cain’s?” Sarah’s throat tightened at his solemn nod. “Was she very far along?”
He nodded again. “It was very difficult for her and Cain both.”
Sarah considered this new information as they sat in a comfortable silence. She wanted to know more about Cain and Dawn’s relationship, but she had the feeling that the more she pried, the more she would sympathize with Cain.
When they had met the month before, it had almost felt as if Cain had burst into existence just to save her. To her, he had been nothing but a handsome and brave werewolf, who was perhaps a bit guarded about his past. She had thought that it was because she was human that he hadn’t wanted to give away personal details. After all, humans were one of the largest threats to his kind’s existence.
Now, she understood that it hadn’t necessarily been because he didn’t trust her. Given how much he had been through and all of the burdens he endured, it must have nice for him to be around someone who knew nothing about his past.
Alder’s heavy sigh brought her back to the present. Giving her a meaningful look, he said, “If you leave him…”
Sarah bit her lip and looked away. “I’m not responsible for his feelings.”
The words were cold, and she immediately regretted them, but couldn’t take them back. She blinked a few times, and when she glanced back at Alder, he was moving to stand. On impulse, she reached out to grab his wrist.
His eyes locked on to hers, and for a few seconds she felt naked. It wasn’t like he was undressing her with his eyes. It was like he could see past all of her bullshit.
Without a word, he reached down and hauled her into his arms before retaking his place in front of the fire. His big arms banded around her body, and her muscles tensed with her confusion.
“Just relax,” he said, resting his chin on her head.