“I am not! I don’t think.” She barely knew anything about herself anymore.
Meg came around and put her hand on Ruby’s shoulder. “You know, I’ve known you a long time. And whenever you get close to someone, it freaks you out and you push them away.”
“That’s not true. Ash cheated on me! What was I supposed to do?”
“You’d mentally separated yourself from him long before that happened, honey.”
Ruby shrugged. “Whatever. It really doesn’t matter, does it?”
“Of course it matters. Let me ask you something. Do you think you could ever have a normal relationship again? I mean, a non-kinky one? ’Cause I gotta tell you. I know I’m new to all this, but I really can’t imagine going back now.”
“A few weeks ago, that answer would have been yes,” Ruby said. “To be honest, now I’m not so sure.”
Meg smirked. “You do seem to end up with kinky guys.”
“Twice. It’s happened twice. And I’m not ruling out the kink, I’m just saying that I don’t know if I need it.” Maybe if she said it enough, she’d begin to believe it.
“So. If James Cleaver asked you to marry him, you would? Even if he’s the most vanilla man on the planet?”
“Definitely.” Ruby picked up a large twig and headed for the door. “I mean, theoretically speaking, of course. I barely know him. But stability is more important than anything else.”
“Even love?”
The repetitive beat of Mark’s latest tune thrummed down the hall, vibrating through the door handle into her palm. “Not everyone falls in love, Meg. And if they do, it’s often with the wrong person, or it’s just wrong. Period. My parents were in love, and look at them. They abandoned their kids to go sail the world. Their love didn’t help their family. Where did their love leave everybody else?”
Meg’s gaze softened. “That was then, sweetie. You’re an adult now. A gorgeous woman who is finally coming into her own sexuality. Do you really want to give up now just because you’re scared of getting hurt?”
“What do you propose I do about it? Start hosting sex parties in my flat?”
Meg’s eyes sparkled. “Not exactly.”
Chapter
Nineteen
This is going to be so much fun!”
“I still can’t believe Emmett is okay with this,” Ruby said as the cab pulled up outside a nondescript building.
Meg paid the driver and followed her onto the sidewalk. “Don’t worry about Emmett—he encouraged me!” She teetered on her stilettos and grabbed Ruby’s arm for support. “He wants me to have a flogging lesson.”
“I created a monster,” Ruby muttered.
Meg winked. “Two of them, actually.”
So now, here they were, dressed like hookers, staring at the address listed on the flyer. Although Meg had talked her into coming, Ruby couldn’t help but feel a little bit excited about venturing into her first fetish party.
It was being held in a brick building in the SOMA District. Decrepit warehouses mingled with sparkling new high-rise condos, creating a place where yuppies could feel cool because they lived in such an edgy neighborhood.
And so they tolerated things like raves and fetish parties, which was why Meg and Ruby currently found themselves staring at a large wooden door on Harrison Street. After a second a man emerged from the warehouse. He wore a suit straight out of Brooks Brothers, but tattoos covered his hands and neck. Eyeing Ruby and Meg, he pulled a cigarette from his shirt pocket and lit it. He took a deep drag. “You gals goin’ in?” As he spoke, the man exhaled a surprising amount of smoke through his mouth and nostrils.
“Absolutely,” Meg said.
The man perched on a stool that had been placed outside the door. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you two at one of these parties before.”
“It’s our first time.” Ruby tugged at the hem of her miniskirt.
“Cool.” He moved on to smoke rings. “So what are your roles?”
They just stared at him. “Pardon?”
Another deep drag. “Bottom, top, or switch?” More smoke rings.
“Top. Definitely.” Meg nodded.
But Ruby felt her cheeks heat.
“I’m a bottom.”
Deep inhale. “You sure?”
“Why?”
Deep exhale of smoke. “No reason.” He held out a hand. “I’m Rich. I manage these things.”
She shook his hand. His palm was warm, his grip surprisingly gentle. “This is Meg, and I’m Ruby.”
He closed his eyes and took another deep drag off his cigarette. Then, with his lids still shut, he began to sing “Ruby Tuesday.”