Over and over, Hannah's voice echoed in her head. You're pregnant. You're pregnant. You're pregnant.
"Holy shit." Rachael finally said when she could speak again but there was no fire behind the words. They were spoken softly, everything insider her overwhelmed by the panic that those words had conjured inside her.
She looked up at her sister. "Well, it could be cancer. I've heard that cancer can sometimes cause a false positive. It could be cancer, right?" Rachael asked hopefully.
Hannah sighed before taking a seat next to her on the curb, after a moment she put her arm around Rachael's shoulder and leaned in. Rachael's mind was full of white noise. She knew she should be thinking of something, anything, trying to figure out what to do next but it was like she couldn't hold on to them. A thought would come and then slip away before she could grasp a hold of it.
Rachael stayed like that, her sister's arm around her. No matter how crazy her perfect sister drove her sometimes, Rachael still loved her, and right now, she needed that love more than anything else in the world. Shock filled her. And alongside that shock was pure terror. She was going to be a mother.
"Do you know who the father is?" Hannah asked gently, and Rachael shot her an indignant glare, her heart still thudding in her chest.
"Of course I know."
"Who is it?"
"I … I don't want to say," Rae said after a long moment, "I don't want anyone to know. Not yet. I need … I just need a little time. To figure out what I'm going to do."
"You have to tell him, Rae. Whoever it is has a right to know."
"I know that, Hannah." Rachael bit off, her voice trailing off as she thought of Johnny, her Jackrabbit. The president of an outlaw motorcycle club. And apparently, now a father to be. The thought had her fears once more writhing inside her, strangling her. "Damn it, Hannah, I know."
Chapter 4
"Here's your double shot latte." Rachael placed the steaming cup of coffee across the counter. It spilled a little and Mrs. James gave her a dirty look but she just ignored it. Just like she'd been ignoring everything over the past week. Ever since D-day.
That's how she'd been thinking about it. Ever since that day a week ago, her world had stopped, and then been remade into a new place that she didn't know. She was walking in unfamiliar territory, and it terrified her. If there was anything Rachael Donohue hated, it was being afraid of anything.
She'd always been the first one to go head-first down the slide. She'd been the first one to jump off the water tower. She'd been the first to hop on Peter Tippen's new dirt bike. Sure, she'd broken her arm in three places and she still had the scar on her hip from the rocks she'd crashed into, she'd been fearless. Always had been. Full speed ahead. No fear. No doubts. No second thoughts.
In a single moment, that all had changed.
She didn't know what the hell to do about it. She glanced at the clock. Her shift was almost over, thank god. She didn't think she could take any more snarky comments from the inimitable customers of Mayville. Customer service had never been her strong suit but now it seemed even farther out of reach.
"Hey, Rae," Her manager Tom said as he started to close down the register for the day, "You seemed distracted all shift. Everything all right?"
She bit her lip against the urge to tell him to mind his own business, instead just forcing herself to nod and smile as best as she could. "I'm good, Tom. Just feeling a little off, you know? It happens. I'll get over it."
Liar. her inner voice cried. Liar, liar, pants on fire. You'll never get over it.
But her manager just nodded. "Why don't you go ahead and clock out for the night. I can finish up here."
"Really? Thanks Tom." Rachael had to fight back sudden tears at the kind gesture and hurried to leave before she started blubbering like a baby and really made a fool of herself.
"Have a good night." She said, throwing a wave over her shoulder as she grabbed her purse and headed outside into the balmy night air. Spring in Texas was as warm as summer in other places but it was a mild night and Rachael took a moment just to take in a deep breath, smelling the sweetly scented flowers on the light breeze.
Despite her best efforts, her thoughts circled back to one thing she'd been trying to avoid. She knew she had to tell Johnny the truth. It wasn't just thoughts of him she'd been avoiding, either. His phone calls. His texts.
She knew he thought it was because of that stupid fight at the club but it was so much more than that. And what was worse, she still had no idea how she was going to tell him. Just the thought of it had her throat closing as the nerves tried to sink in.
Only two other people knew about the baby. Her sister Hannah and her best friend Elsie. Rachael had made them both swear to secrecy on pain of an agonizing death. As far as she knew, they kept their word, and would continue to do so if they knew what was good for them.
Where is that fearless Rachael? Where the hell did she go? That damned inner voice was back and all she could do was shake her head. She didn't have an answer. The old Rachael would never have hesitated to do what she needed to. She never would have been found standing in a parking lot too scared to act, too scared to face her fears.
I don't want to be that girl. Rachael thought, trying to banish the nerves that had exploded like a hundred butterflies inside her. She fought them off tooth and nail as she made her feet move once more and climbed in her truck. She knew what she needed to do, damn it. No matter how much she didn't want to, she knew she had to face Jackrabbit. She had to tell him the truth. Because in the end, Hannah was right-like always. He deserved to know.
The drive to the Roadburners clubhouse was nothing but a blur. All Rachael could remember was the feel of her sweaty palms gripping the steering wheel so hard it turned her knuckles white. She practically had to pry them off one by one after she had parked in the lot outside the warehouse looking building that was the clubhouse.
She could hear the ruckus coming from inside. A mix of drunken shouts, raucous laughter, and rowdy music that mingled together in the evening air. Rachael took a deep breath, and another. It was time. No more stalling. She wasn't about to run away afraid with her tail between her legs. This was too important. Damn it. She hated feeling like this. So uncertain. So unlike her.
She was always confident. She always knew what she wanted and she never let anything stand in her way, and she certainly wasn't going to let anything stand in her way now, not even herself.
With her resolve somewhat bolstered, Rachael slid from the jeep and made her way to the front door on legs that trembled like leaves.
"Get a fucking hold on yourself, girl. You're Rachael Donohue and you are fearless. And you can absolutely do this." She gave herself a little pep talk along the walk and all too soon she was at the door. There was nothing else for her to do but reach out, grasp the handle, and pull it open.
The noise hit her first. Even louder than the muffled din that had reached her outside, it was nearly deafening as she made her way through the crowded bar. Or at least she tried to. Rachael found herself have to push bearded, leather clad bikers out of her way just to take a few steps and every few paces she would get jostled as some drunk asshole bumped into her.
She was gritting her teeth by the time she made it to a small clearing right beside the wooden bar itself and scanned the crowd, hoping to spot Jackrabbit but it was just a sea of black leather and rowdy partiers.
"Damn it, Johnny. Where the hell are you?" She muttered under her breath but the words were instantly lost into the noise of the clubhouse.
"What's a pretty girl like yourself doin' in a place like this." Rachael turned to cast a look of disgust at the drunken pick up line and found herself looking at a very big, and very drunk leather clad biker. He leered down at her with alcohol glazed and bloodshot eyes.
"Not interested." Rachael said with another scathing look before turning back to her perusal.
"Hey, thasss not very nice." He slurred again, this time reaching out and grabbing her shoulder, hard. Rachael didn't think. She just reacted, every instinct inside her firing at once. She whipped around back to face the idiot who kept trying to hit on her and at the same time her right hand balled into a fist and came up swinging. It landed square on the man's cheek and pain radiated from her fingers all the way up her arm.
"Leave me the hell alone!" She shouted, cradling her injured hand close. She'd just started to turn back around, the man already forgotten when she felt it. The hands on her back, the sharp pressure and he shoved her into the edge of the bar.
Those instincts must have still been in full gear because she reacted faster than she could thing. Her arms wrapped protectively around her middle, her fear for herself forgotten. All that mattered was keeping her baby safe. She rounded on him like a feral animal, ready to keep fighting if she had to.