I hated that he was being considerate. I hated that he wasn’t acting like a total asshole, hated that hating him wasn’t as easy as I’d thought. If he wasn’t an asshole, then somehow Sid’s death was even more my fault, because my running away was unnecessary and selfish and unfounded.
I gripped his shoulders. “Stop holding back.”
Matteo’s brows drew together but he still didn’t move faster.
I dug my fingers into his skin and jerked my hips despite the soreness between my legs. “Stop holding back!”
This time he listened. His eyes flashed and then he slammed into me harder and faster. I closed my eyes as I held onto his shoulder. I probably left marks with my nails. I didn’t care and Matteo didn’t seem to mind if his quick breathing was any indication.
The pain felt good, gave me something to focus on beyond the crushing guilt. But there wasn’t only pain. Soon the stretched feeling turned into an exquisite pressure, a low hum of pleasure I’d never felt before. Matteo lowered himself, changing the angle in which he pushed into me, hitting an amazing spot deep inside me. Matteo’s mouth found my throat and then he bit down on my skin lightly. A moan slipped out of my lips. My eyes shot open, meeting Matteo’s intense gaze. I couldn’t look away. I wanted to pull him closer and push him away at the same time, wanted to hide and open up to him, wanted and not wanted. “Are you going to come?” Matteo rasped.
I shook my head ‘no’, not trusting my voice. Maybe I could have come. It felt increasingly good, but I needed to bring space between Matteo and me, needed time to get a handle on my emotions before they overwhelmed me. I was confused and tired and sad.
Matteo raised himself on his arms again and sped up even more, slamming into me over and over again, and then he tensed above me, his face twisting with pleasure, and damn he looked magnificent, like something even Michelangelo couldn’t have created better. Matteo’s movements became jerky and then he stilled, eyes closed, a few strands of dark hair stuck to his forehead.
My fingers itched to brush them away, to touch his lips and jaw. Instead I dropped my hands from his shoulders and rested them on the bed beside me where they couldn’t do something stupid, something I’d regret later.
Matteo’s eyes peeled open slowly and I sucked in a quiet breath. Why couldn’t he stop looking at me like that? He didn’t smile, only pierced me with his dark gaze.
I pushed against his chest. “You’re getting heavy. Get off.”
The corners of his mouth twitched, then he slowly pulled out and plopped down on the bed beside me and reached for me as if he was going to embrace me. Panicking, I sat up and slid off the bed. If he hugged me now, if he acted like we were a real couple, one that cared about each other, I’d lose my shit. I headed for the bathroom, not bothering to cover myself. Matteo had seen all of me already, and I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of thinking I was embarrassed to be naked in front of him.
I didn’t hear him coming after me but suddenly Matteo grabbed my hand, stopping me from disappearing into the safety of the bathroom. Our eyes met. His were almost…regretful. “I shouldn’t have gone so hard on you, but you know how to push my fucking buttons, Gianna. Did I hurt you?”
Concern, there it was again. Damn it. Why couldn’t he stop acting like he was a normal guy? Did he really think that would make me forget who and what he really was? “Don’t pretend you didn’t like it.”
“I don’t. I loved every fucking second of it. I’ve waited a long time for this moment. I’ve spent almost every waking moment of my search for you imagining having your hot body under me. But in my imagination you were moaning my name and having multiple orgasms. You definitely weren’t in pain.”
That arrogant bastard. “Keep imagining that. It won’t happen.”
Matteo braced himself against the doorframe, trapping me between his arms. “Your body reacted to me, Gianna, even if you don’t want to admit it. Next time you will come when I fuck you, trust me.”
“What makes you think my body was reacting to you? Maybe I was imagining I was with someone else. The mind is a powerful tool.” I tried to slip away under his arm but he pushed me against the doorframe. “Maybe I was imagining it was Sid and not you fucking me.”
Matteo didn’t even blink. He didn’t believe a word I was saying. Damn it!
“If you’d really wanted Sid to be your first, you would have let him fuck you. So why didn’t you?”
“Because you killed him!”
Matteo smiled. “We both know that’s not the reason why, but let’s just pretend it were true. Then I’m glad he’s dead. That wimp didn’t deserve the privilege.”