I wrapped my arms around her, burying my face in her hair. “I don’t think I can be happy here.”
“Because you don’t want to marry a killer, because you can’t live with what Matteo does.”
“No,” I said quietly. “Because I can see myself being okay with it.”
Aria drew back, pale brows drawn together. “What’s wrong with that?”
I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time because I had a feeling that Aria wouldn’t have asked that question before Luca. “Are you okay with what Luca does? Don’t you ever lie awake at night feeling guilty for being married to a man like him?”
“We come from a family of men like him.” She stepped back, her arms dropping to her sides. “Do you want me to feel guilty?”
“No. But normal people would feel guilty. Can’t you see how messed up we are? I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to spend my life with a man who carves up his enemies.”
Aria stared but didn’t say anything. She looked so horribly sad and hurt that I wanted to kick myself hard for ever opening my stupid mouth.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to make you feel bad. I just…” I trailed off, not sure how to explain my conflicted emotions to Aria. “I know I have to risk it. I have to try to get away from all this and live a life without all the violence and messed up morals. I’ll always regret it if I don’t.”
“You know you can’t ever come back. There’s no going back once you’ve run. Even if Matteo would forgive you for insulting him like that, the Outfit would be responsible for your punishment until your marriage. And running away from the mafia is betrayal.”
“I know.”
“The Outfit punishes betrayal with death. Because you aren’t a Made Men they might decide to go easy on you and throw you into one of their whore houses or marry you off to someone far worse than Matteo.”
“I know.”
Aria gripped my shoulders. “Do you really? Few people risk running from the mob and there’s a reason for it. Most people get caught.”
“Most people but not all of them.”
“Have you ever heard of someone who escaped the mob successfully?”
“No, but I doubt anyone would tell us about them. Neither Father, nor Matteo or Luca have any interest in putting ideas in our heads.”
Aria sighed. “You are really determined to go through with this.”
“Yes.”
“Okay,” she said. This was the perfect moment to ask her for help but I realized I couldn’t do it, couldn’t ask that of her.
Of course Aria being Aria didn’t need to be asked.
“You can’t do it alone. If you want any chance at succeeding you’ll need my help.”
I stared at my sister, my beautiful, brave sister. I’d often thought we were twins who’d been born apart by some cruel twist of fate. She was the one person I’d die for. And if she’d asked me to stay, told me she couldn’t live without me, I wouldn’t even have hesitated. I’d have stayed, would have married Matteo. For her. But Aria would never ask that of me. Aria was the one thing that reminded me that there was good in our world too, and I hoped she’d never let the darkness around us corrupt her. “No,” I said firmly. “I can do it on my own.”
But Aria ignored my comment.
“If I help you to run, I’ll betray the Cosa Nostra and by doing so my husband,” she said with a distant look in her eyes.
I shook my head. “You are right. And I can’t let you take that risk. I won’t let you risk it.”
She linked her fingers with mine. “No, I will help you. I’m your only choice. And if anyone can make it, then it’s you. You never wanted to be part of all this.”
“Aria, you said it yourself, what I’m doing is betrayal and the mob deals harshly with people who betray them. Luca isn’t the forgiving type.”
“Luca won’t hurt me.” There wasn’t the hint of doubt in her voice. Sadly, I didn’t share her conviction. I opened my mouth to object but she raised her hand.
“He won’t. If Salvatore Vitiello were still alive, things would be different. I’d have been under his jurisdiction, but Luca is Capo and he won’t punish me.”
How could she trust that cruel bastard like that? What must it be like to love someone so much that you would put your life in their hands without hesitation? “Maybe his men won’t leave him a choice. He’s a new Capo and if he looks weak, his men might revolt. Luca won’t risk his power, not even for you. The Familia comes first to Made Men.”