Bound For Me(39)

He paused, drew breath. Sighed. “But you know that mountain meant everything to me. It was dangerous and beautiful and the challenge of my life. Until you.” Speaking slower now, he reached out and touched a few strands of her hair, running his fingers the length of it. “You arrived. Dangerous and beautiful and the absolute challenge of my life. And you had no idea who I was. I looked a mess, was tired and grumpy. But you wanted me anyway. It wasn’t ’til you found out who I was that you decided you weren’t going to be interested. But despite me being your ‘enemy’, you still wanted me. Me. And the more time I had with you. The more I wanted.”

Savannah sat still as still, to scared to breathe in case she missed something.

“I doubted you because I got scared and I reverted to that pathetic boy again—I guess I was using Summerhill to hide.” He smiled a lop-sided half-smile at her. “We each have our armor, right?”

She nodded, finally moving, but still unable to speak. Her heart ached. She felt so vulnerable which was crazy given he was the one doing all the talking.

“It wasn’t for corporate goodwill that I liked to help out,” he said. “I did it because it made me feel good on the inside. And then you made me feel so good, I couldn’t believe in it. I’ve never experienced anything like it. Sex, sure, sometimes. But not sex like that. Not laughter and fun and challenge. You’re so vibrant. So smart. And I had no idea how lonely I was until I met you.” Connor reached out, gripping her shoulder to twist her to face him, forcing her to meet his eyes. “But I fucked up. I admit it. The first hint of doubt… that there was a threat… it was a complete brain fail. I said the most stupid things. I hurt you. And I’m sorry for that. So sorry.” He looked right at her, in that old ultra-intense way… like she was the freaking Rubik’s cube conundrum again. “But here’s the thing, Savannah. You were already running away. You were running well before I lost it. Why was that? What were you so afraid of?”

She couldn’t speak.

“Why am I here, Savannah?”

She touched her tongue to the corner of her very, very dry lips. Her heart pounded.

“For you,” he said simply. “I’ll always be here for you, if you’ll let me.” His words tumbled. “Do you understand? I’m here because I can’t stand that I hurt you. Can’t stand it without you. I want you to come back. I love you.”

That pierced. Hard. “You can’t love me.” She finally spoke—total croaky voice.

“Why not?”

“It’s too quick.”

Something flashed in his eyes. “Does that mean you don’t love me?”

He had her there. And he knew it.

“Savannah, I hurt you so badly that you ran away. You, the brave, never let the bullies get to you, courageous woman, ran away because of some dumb things I said. You know what that tells me?”

She shook her head.

“Apart from the fact that I’m a first class idiot…” he winced. “That tells me that you care.”

“You’re wrong.”

His eyes widened.

“I’m not courageous.” Her eyes filled with burning tears. “That’s been my biggest problem.”

“But—”

She pressed the backs of her fingers over his mouth. “I’m afraid of myself,” she whispered. “Of being so desperate I’d do anything to try to get my guy... Of giving up everything I have or want to keep him no matter what…” Her parent’s choices and actions had scared her. She didn’t want to be as extreme as they’d seemed.

“Sugar.” He gripped her hand, briefly kissed it, before lowering it and pressing her palm against his chest. “You’re not going to lose yourself in loving me. You can be yourself with me more than you can with anyone else in the world. Because it’s you that I love.”

For a long moment she stared hard into his eyes—like he was the cube conundrum. And as he smiled at her, the pieces slowly clicked over, the colors lined up and locked into place.

She smiled too. “You love it when I talk tough?” That was her armor, and they both knew it.

“Adore it.” His mouth quirked, his grin going wicked.

“I think my views got a little warped…” she said, determined to match his honesty. His courage. “I talked to Dad yesterday. He said he was using his ‘love’ for Mom as an excuse to hide his gambling. That he hurt her for years. And he hurt me too. That he lied to both of us.” It still made her shrivel a little on the inside, but Connor sensed it, squeezing her hand in support. She tried to relax. “He doesn’t blame Rex. Or you. He’s owning his addictions.”

Connor nodded, but frowned. “I’ve told Rex to stop with the speaker circuit.”

“You have?”

“I told him he was dragging the great Summerhill brand down.”

“How’d he take that?”

“As well as expected. But I don’t give a damn.”

“Did you tell him about Jack?”

He nodded. “I don’t know what’s going to happen there but I don’t think Jack’s gonna back down. So he’ll meet Rex sometime. Jack says he doesn’t want anything but to get to know us so I’ve invited him to stay at Summerhill as long as he wants to. And to meet Logan, Xander and the guys. I also told him he’d be getting whatever else he was entitled to. Including shares or money or something.”

“That’s… good.”

“I’m not paying him off. It’s only what’s fair.” He looked to her, questioning. “Give and take? Compromise?”

“Yeah.” She got that.

He sighed. “I apologized to Cynthia as well. You were right about my… paying people off. It wasn’t how I meant it though.”

“I know. And I didn’t mean to come across so, judgmental.” Or seem so unforgiving.

“This thing between us?” he said, leaning that smidge closer. “Unstoppable. Unbreakable. We belong together. We’re better together. But you tried to hold part of yourself back for so long… Don’t be afraid. We get out what we put in, right? If we put in everything, we get everything back.” He reached out with his other hand and traced a gentle line down her jaw. “You don’t want to give everything up, I get that. But I’d give it all up for you, Savannah.”

“No,” she whispered.

“Working this out between us, is more important to me than anything. You’re it. You’re everything. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

“I’d never ask you to leave your mountain.”

“Why not?”

“Because you love it. And I…”

“You what?”

“Want to see if this could work…” Still a little lame. But truthful. She’d missed him. So much.

“Luca is desperate for me to bring you home.” He chuckled. “Krista too. But,” he drew in a deep breath. “I know you might not want to come back to Summerhill. You said you’re not so fond of snow, right?” He sent her a sideways look. “So I’ll go where ever you want to.”

She smiled, remembering her tart, untrue put-downs of that gorgeous town.

“Well,” she pondered thoughtfully. “Summerhill is beautiful.”

“It is,” he agreed cautiously.

“And you do have a house there already.”

“I guess you could call it a house. But it’s cold. And you might get bored.”

“With you around?” She shook her head and laughed. “I’m not going to be cold. Besides, I’ll be working for the competition… whipping your restaurant’s ass.”

“You think?”

“I know.”

He shook his head. “I don’t want you to put off doing whatever it is you want to do… I don’t want you sacrificing your goals for me.”

“I won’t. I want to study—part-time, while on the job. You did it, so can I. And maybe I’ll have my own Lodge one day.” She grinned cheekily. “Really beat you at your own game.”

“You do like to challenge me, don’t you?” He laughed. “Do it often. Do me often.”

“You offering yourself as sex-stud again?”

“Offering everything this time.” He lifted her hand to his mouth again. “But it’s up to you whether you take it…”

She really believed it now. He was here. For her. He’d apologized, told her such beautiful things. But it was only now when words failed him, when he was done and just looking at her, his expression open, vulnerable, loving… only now, that she felt free enough, brave enough to be utterly honest with him.

“Do you have any idea how much it means to me that you came after me?” she whispered.

He didn’t answer.

She cupped his jaw, loving the raspy feel of his stubble beneath her fingers. “You’re so loyal. So strong. I want to be strong too.”

“You are.”

“No. I was running away… because what I feel for you? Scares me more than anything in my life. But do you know where I was headed just now?”

He shook his head.

“Bus station. Airport.”