“Fuck,” I muttered. So far everything Lily and I had done had been risky but untraceable. But this, this could destroy Lily’s reputation and even start a war. Taking Lily’s virginity was a selfish thing to do. I knew better. I’d learned to make reasonable decisions over the years, to make decisions that were good for the Famiglia. But today I’d ignored my duty and my promise to Luca.
Lily sighed in her sleep and turned around. The blankets moved with her and the pink spot on the sheets became visible. I closed my eyes. Fuck. This was supposed to happen in her wedding night. But I knew that Rocco Scuderi would never give Lily’s hand to me in marriage. I was only a fucking soldier. Respected and honorable, but a soldier nevertheless. Despite my guilt over having taken Lily’s virginity, I knew I would do it again. I’d wanted to make her mine for so long, and this was the only way I could. At least now a part of her belonged to me, at least she’d never forget our night together, but I also knew it wasn’t enough. I didn’t want Lily to have only the memory of our shared night for the rest of her days, I wanted to remind her of the pleasure I could give her every night, I wanted to taste her, smell her, feel her every fucking night. I wanted to have her fall asleep in my arms and wake up next to me in the morning. I wanted to make her mine for everyone to know, but there was no way in hell I could do this without betraying Luca and the Famiglia. Luca treated me like a brother but if I did this, if I went against the Outfit by claiming Lily officially, he’d have to put me down like a rabid dog for the good of the Famiglia.
With a sigh, I walked toward the bed and bent over Lily. I brushed her hair away from her face. “Lily, you need to wake up,” I whispered.
Her eyelids fluttered and she turned on her back. The blankets slipped away, revealing her perfect breasts. Her nipples puckered at the cool air in the room. My cock stirred in response. I leaned over her. She even still smelled like me. Fuck. I was already getting hard again. She opened her eyes and gave me a sleepy smile. Happiness and trust shone on her face. Didn’t she realize that I’d destroyed her life last night?
A light blush appeared on her cheeks. I kissed her forehead. “You need to leave,” I said.
She froze, eyes filling with insecurity. “Did I do something wrong last night?”
Good Lord. I wanted to stab myself with my fucking knife. I was such an asshole. I should have never let it come this. Lily was a good girl and I’d ruined her. I kissed the spot below her ear, then her cheek. “No, you did nothing wrong, honey.”
She relaxed. She lifted her hand to the back of my head, looking hopeful. “Can we snuggle a bit?”
She sounded fucking vulnerable. Of course she wanted closeness after last night, and I wanted it too, but it was getting light outside. But the way she was looking at me I couldn’t tell her ‘no’. I slipped under the blankets and she pressed up against me. Her naked skin brushed mine, and all of my senses sprang to life. I pushed my lust down. This wasn’t the time. I stroked her hair. “Are you okay?”
She nodded against my shoulder. “I’m a bit sore.” She sounded embarrassed.
I pressed a kiss against her temple. And I wasn’t sure why I said it because it definitely didn’t make things easier but it slipped out, “I love you.”
She sucked in breath before whispering, “I love you too.”
I was digging my grave and hers too, only because I couldn’t control my dick, my heart and my mouth.
She let out a small happy breath. She didn’t seem to realize in how much trouble we were. I couldn’t stop feeling guilty. I wished I could say I would have acted differently if I got the chance, but I knew I’d sleep with her again. I’d wanted her, still wanted her.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Liliana
I couldn’t believe Romero and I had actually slept together. I didn’t feel regret. Maybe it would come at some point but I couldn’t imagine it.
It had been painful and yet it was the happiest moment in my life so far. And afterwards when Romero had admitted he loved me, I’d wanted to tell everyone about it. Let them get angry, let them call me names, what did I care? I was happy, and that was all that mattered. But I knew better. Romero and I needed to keep it a secret. Maybe one day we’d figure out a way to make it official without causing a war, but right now I only wanted to enjoy our time together. The summer was drawing to a close but Father didn’t seem to want me back. Maybe he’d forget I existed and I could move to New York for good.
The first time I’d faced Aria and Gianna after losing my virginity, I’d worried they’d see something was different, but of course they hadn’t. Nobody suspected anything.