A feeling of relief flows through me when the waiter returns with our food balanced in each hand. My stomach quietly rumbles as the rich aroma fills my nostrils and he sets the plates down in front of us.
"Anything else, sir?" the waiter asks.
"No, thank you," Lucian's quick to reply.
"Enjoy," he says. And with a flash of a smile, the waiter's gone.
Grabbing my heavy fork, I take a bite of the tender meat dipped in sauce, and my eyes widen as the sweet tangy flavor fills my mouth. Damn. Lucian is right.
"This is delicious," I remark, waiting for Lucian's gaze to meet mine. "Thank you." I hope he knows how serious I am.
Lucian grins. "I knew you would like it," he says confidently.
"So how did you become the CEO of your company?" I ask after a few more delicious bites. Having read the article about his rise to success, I pretty much know what Lucian is going to say, but I'd like to hear him tell it. I figure now is a good time as ever to hopefully turn this date around and focus on something that will lighten the mood.
Lucian eyes me. "How did you know I was CEO? Much less own my own company?" There's a bit of humor in his voice. I'm sure he knows I cyberstalked him.
I freeze mid-bite, my mind racing with an explanation other than the obvious. Fuck. Lucian never told me what he did, and I never asked. Nor was there any mention of his occupation in the contract. I open my mouth to say, "I just assumed that," but then snap my lips shut, feeling a bite of shame. It's one thing to tell a lie because you're hiding something too personal to share, it's another to tell one to cover something harmless.
A blush reddening my cheeks, I sheepishly admit, "I looked you up on the net."
I brace myself, half expecting Lucian to go into a rage for my intrusion on his privacy, but he just chuckles. "I was sure you had, my sweet treasure," he says. "I'd do the same thing if I were in your shoes. Hell, it's the smart thing to do. I would never advise anyone to enter into a contract with a stranger without knowing something about them, especially someone you'd be entrusting with your safety."
I'm relieved that Lucian hasn't taken offense to my prying. For some reason, I keep waiting for him to punish me for any blunders. It's like the line is blurring between Dom Lucian and real Lucian. I don't know which one I'm talking to. "One thing the articles I read kept going on about was how young you were to head a successful startup," I add. "That's impressive."
Lucian nods. "I had some help from a friend. He's a silent partner now."
"What about your family?" I ask. "Did you come from," I wave my hand in the direction of the other guests, "this?" I don't know how to word it.
"No," Lucian says simply. "I'm from a blue collar family." The ease in his voice is gone, and I can tell I've struck a nerve. "They're dead to me now," he says quietly.
I sit there awkwardly, frustrated that we somehow keep making each other upset, but not quite knowing what to do. The anger in Lucian's voice... it's raw. There's pain there. And pain is an emotion I'm well accustomed to.
Moved by emotion and instinct, I swallow back a lump in my throat, and reach over and place my hand atop of his. His gaze drops to where our hands are joined, and my heartbeat slows. For an instant, I fear I've crossed the line. But he surprises me by giving me a glimpse of a smile and running his thumb gently over the back of my hand.
I tell him softly, my voice filled with empathy, my eyes finding his, "Sometimes family can do you worse than a person on the street would."
Trust me, I should know, I think to myself as those dark images threaten to come back. Nausea twists my stomach, and I'm angry at myself for even thinking about them right now.
My words seem to have a profound effect on Lucian because he visibly relaxes in his chair. "Thank you," he says warmly to me. He pauses and takes a deep breath, then lets out an explosive sigh. "And there's something else, too."
My heart jumps in my chest. Maybe he's about to reveal something. "What's that?"
"I was going through a divorce at the same time," he forces out.
I raise my eyebrows, surprised he would bring this up, but I'm hopeful that I'll find out what caused it and maybe find out what kind of man Lucian is.
Lucian nods, his eyes burning with anger and a hint of sadness. "It wasn't pleasant."
I lean forward slightly. "Did it have anything to do with … " I trail off, but I know he gets my meaning, though I feel like I'm once again walking on the edge by prying where I shouldn't. Yet, I can't help myself.
Lucian is quiet for a moment, digesting my question. Finally, he shakes his head. "No. My ex was into the same lifestyle, actually. We both enjoyed it." He huffs out a dry, humorless chuckle. "She craved the money more."
Damn. Why do I keep bringing these things up? "I don't know what to say," I say slowly.
"There's nothing for you to say," Lucian says dismissively. "I'm the one who's sorry."
"Well, I feel awful for even having brought it up. Sorry I asked."
Lucian waves my apology away again. "What's done is done." He looks at me, his eyes assessing me in a way that makes me feel fuzzy inside. "I'd rather focus on the here and now."
Unable to take his gaze, a blush comes to my cheeks and I lower my head.
"Look at me," Lucian commands.
I raise my eyes, my cheeks burning all the hotter. "Sir?" Crap. Why do I keep doing that?
"Lucian," he says firmly.
"Lucian," I repeat.
Fingering his wine glass, Lucian studies me, a slight smile on his lips and my skin pricks at the emotion that grips my chest. I recognize the feeling and it makes me nervous. Lucian said this was all for show, but why do I keep feeling like it's something more?
I need to just focus on the sex, I repeat to myself, because that's all this is. For thirty days.
"Would you like to go for a walk after dinner?" Lucian asks, his beautiful eyes still focused on me. "There's a cobblestone trail that leads to a bridge overlooking the water. On a night like this, I'm sure you'll love it." He pauses a moment, glancing at my blouse before adding, "I'll have a coat brought for you."
I pause, thinking, No, what I want you to do is take me back to your place and make me beg for that big fat cock, but I only feel more confused. I'm not sure what's to gain from taking a walk as a couple, if it's not supposed to be real. I thought he just wanted to show me off in public and then whisk me back away into privacy.
I part my lips, feeling an urge to decline. I'm already having trouble separating my sexual energy from my emotions and Lucian is sending me mixed signals, making it worse. But at the same time, I'm scared of angering him. He's a man that won't be denied, and I still feel like I'm his Sub, even out in public. "Yes," I reply dutifully, flashing a weak smile, my cheeks turning red yet again. "I would love that."
I don't miss the satisfaction that flashes in Lucian's eyes. "Good."
We continue eating our meal, our conversation turning to lighter things, and despite my nervousness, I find myself relaxing. Lucian's charm makes me feel at ease and he's showing a tender side of himself that I didn't think he possessed. Several times throughout the meal, I have to go back to reminding myself that he's just doing this for show and that he doesn't care one way or another about me, except for being his paid sex toy.
Still, I'm so charmed by his behavior, I find myself wondering if it would be better to just tell him the truth. Outside of the playroom, he seems like such a nice guy, and I feel guilty about lying even more now after hearing the story about his ex. Maybe disclosing the truth would improve my experience as his Sub instead of negatively impacting it.
If only I had the courage to find out.
Seeing my distressed expression, Lucian asks, "Something you want to tell me?"
Anxiety crushes my stomach as I look into Lucian's eyes. He's been so gracious to me tonight, even if it wasn't real, revealing things that he didn't have to share with me. But as much as I want to, I don't think I can bring myself to tell him. I feel like he wouldn't understand. How could he? Being a Dom is just a lifestyle to him, but being a Sub is a need for me.
Feeling sick to my stomach, I shake my head, plaster a fake smile on my face, and answer, "No … I was just thinking I didn't save room for dessert."
Chapter 17
Lucian
I lean back in my chair, facing the large window at the back of my office. From here, the skyline is quiet, moving slowly underneath me. Nothing at all like the reality of being on the busy streets of the city. From up here, it's calming. The steel and glass shine with a sleek beauty that radiates a sense of power.