“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mikey. Your mom and I are just good friends. I promise. Three.”
“Oh bravo, fucknut. That really told me.”
If he says “fucknut” one more time, I’m going to reach through the phone and strangle him. “Two.”
“I wouldn’t be so quick to shoot your mouth off if I were you. It’d pay for you to listen to me.”
“You keep talking, but you keep not answering my question. I don’t have all day. One.”
“Alright. Fine. No beating around the bush. I can appreciate that. The short of it? Stay the hell away from Claire. Drive her off, make it obvious that you’re not interested. You don’t deserve her.”
I laugh. She doesn’t even want to talk to me right now. Driving her off seems to be something I’m particularly good at. That doesn’t mean I’m going to let dickless here boss me around though. “I’ll do whatever I want with Claire. Was she a screamer for you too? Man, I thought the whole office was going to hear.”
There’s silence at the other end, and I can almost feel him seethe through the phone line. “Do you really want to know? Because here’s the deal. I’ve got some footage that would answer that question for you quite well. If you don’t back off and leave her the hell alone, I’m going to send it everywhere I can, starting with your dad.” The glee in his voice is sickening.
I can’t imagine straight-laced Claire doing anything blackmail-worthy. “What is it, drunken karaoke?”
“Yeah, sure. Except instead of singing, she’s moaning, and instead of a teleprompter, it’s my dick. Are we clear now?” In the background I hear what sounds like porn, but my gut tells me it’s private vintage.
“And you think I care because? So what if you mess up her life? I’ve had my go with her. Take your threats to someone who fucking cares.”
He laughs, high pitched and nasal. “Oh, I think you care. You act like you’re so cool, but you keep showing up to get in my way. I saw how you two kissed. Do you think I’m a fucking idiot?”
Fuck, am I that transparent? “An idiot, yes. And a moron, a dimwit and a fucking monkey, shit-for-brains.”
“My finger’s hovering over the send button right now. One little click, and this private gem goes to your dad, to Stanford, to her mom, to anyone who’s ever known her. You can prevent that. Just step back and I’ll take care of the rest.”
“I’ve got a better idea. How about we meet up and I break your face? I can’t make it much uglier, but I think knocking out your teeth would be an improvement.”
He tsks me. Fucking tsks me. “Now, now, Mr. Big Shot. That’s not going to make this any easier. Attack me again, and all that’s happening is that you’re going down for assault. I’m sure that’ll thrill your dad. He was so happy to hear about your fuck up at the party. I’m sure he’ll love it when I tell him about round two.”
Of course. “So you’re the fucker who called to tattle on me, huh?”
The shitty thing is, that while I don’t really care what he does with me, he might actually fuck things up for Claire. Maybe he’s just fucking with me, but can I risk it? I’ve got my job here, even if it’s... well, what it is. She’s just starting out, and doesn’t deserve to get dragged through the mud.
Fucking hell, am I about to make a goddamn mature decision? “Alright, so say I believe you’ve actually got something on her. I still don’t see why you’re calling me about it.”
“I told you, you’re going to do your damnedest to drive her away. Whatever you have to do to convince her you’re done. The end. Finished. If you so much as touch her again, I’ll ruin everything. Hell, if you play nice, I’ll send it to you as a bonus. It’s almost as good as the real thing.”
I very much doubt that.
Every fiber of my being tells me to hang up on the fucker, but I don’t. Will I go along with his messed up request? Hell to the no, but maybe I can buy some time. If I can find out what he’s up to, I can fix it before things get messy.
Or I could just go and rearrange this guy’s face, and maybe the rest of him too. It’s seriously tempting, but not an ideal solution.
In the long run, at least.
Look at me, thinking ahead. Dad would be proud. “And if I do this, you’re going to destroy that video, right? Permanently? Because if you don’t, I won’t have anything to lose.” I put all the menace I can into my voice. “And if I don’t have anything to lose, I will come for you. Is that fucking clear?”