Bond of Hatred(56)
'You like flowers in the garden but not flowers I give you. You can chatter endlessly to my servants but you can hardly bear to tell me your favourite colour. The message isn't subliminal, is it? The only place I feel even marginally welcome is our bed and why is that?'
Shaken by the storm she had ignited, the roughness of his strained intonation, she stared at him, devoured by pain.
'Why?' Alex repeated fiercely.
Because I love you...'And you're all over Nicky at every hour of the day. He coughs and you can't get there quick enough!' Alex slung from between gritted teeth. 'In spite of the fact that we have a nanny with several willing supporters, you install a baby alarm and you get out of my bed to go to him!'
Very much taken aback, Sarah surveyed him with shocked eyes. Evidently the baby alarm in their bedroom was viewed as some kind of ultimate insult. Did he think she was smothering Nicky? Was that what he was saying? That she was threatening to turn into one of those ghastly suffocating mothers one read about? She reminded herself that Alex had probably been raised more by nannies than parents and possibly he did consider the amount of time she spent with Nicky excessive.
'I'm sorry if you think I'm taking my responsibilities too seriously.'
'If you're that obsessed with babies, why should we wait until next year to extend the family?' Alex demanded with sardonic bite, bis eloquent mouth twisting as he absorbed her consternation. 'Now isn't that a wonderful idea?'
'I don't think we're ready for another child,' she blustered, wondering what on earth was the matter with him.
'You're not thinking clearly, pethi mou.' Alex unleashed a wolfish smile on her. 'Instead of lying there in stony silence, tolerating my regrettable sexual demands, you could maybe develop a little enthusiasm, say my name, touch me, shock me to death... After all, it would be for a higher purpose!'#p#分页标题#e#
Sarah was chalk-pale with mortification. 'I didn't realise... that you were dissatisfied,' she practically whispered.
'How could you? You're probably too busy reciting the multiplication tables or anticipating the excitement of Nicky's next feed!'Without a further word, Alex vacated the table, his long stride carrying him from the room within seconds. The door thudded on his exit, and Sarah's cup of coffee blurred out of focus. She looked down at his empty seat and swallowed hard. He had noticed the difference, the difference she had been too self-conscious even to admit inside her own mind. She felt different with Alex now, hadn't realised in her naivete that he would feel it too. No longer secure in the belief that Alex found her rav-ishingly seductive, she was more shy, more tense, more inclined to... just let him get on with it, the admission slunk in, and she reddened miserably.
She accused him of trying too hard and he accused her of not trying at all. 'I can't do anything right with you, can I?' There had been very real pain and frustration in that statement. He believed that she was concentrating too much on Nicky, not enough on him and therefore not enough on their marriage. Was that true? It was certainly true that she had been cowardly, too busy saving face to risk her shattered pride by making any advances of her own, forcing Alex to make every move. No wonder he was fed up to the back teeth with her. She had been so afraid of him guessing that she was hopelessly in love with him, so sunk in self-pity, she had been selfish and unresponsive.
Tonight she would be different, she swore in desperation. Tonight she would forget all those silly, self-indulgent insecurities which she couldn't afford to harbour if this very shaky marriage was not to fall apart at the seams. Then where would she be? she asked herself. She loved Alex. The prospect of life without Alex filled her with horror. It was incredible how fast her priorities rearranged themselves when she was faced with that threat.
She had a couple of glasses of wine to bolster her courage. By the time she had finished perfuming andpreening herself in the bathroom, she was feeling wanton, daring, and the very last thing on her mind was Nicky's next feed. She even disconnected the baby alarm. Then, slipping on the satin peignoir that matched her slinky nightgown, she went off to find Alex.
He was on the phone in the room he used as an office, his back to the door, and he was laughing, so he didn't hear the door opening.
'Yes, Elise. But... it would be a little awkward if you came here... Yes, I'm glad you understand the situation. The ice is very thin right now. Yes, I know it's my own fault but do you really have to keep on reminding me?' he groaned. 'No, she still hasn't mentioned it. Why not lunch tomorrow? No, not a restaurant, definitely not. We can use my apartment. No, of course it won't make her suspicious... how could it? Sarah doesn't even know I have an apartment in Paris...'