Bond of Hatred(38)
Now she had to live with the knowledge that Alex had invaded her bed purely because he saw that as his right. For some peculiar reason, best known to himself, Alex did find her physically attractive. But that was her only appeal and not something she could even feel marginally good about in the light of his subsequent behaviour. Alex was still seething over the fact that she had demanded that he marry her and only a very stupid woman would have let her guard drop to the extent she had.
Alex thought she had used an innocent baby to trap herself a very rich husband. He didn't believe that she loved Nicky. He didn't believe that his brother had told such outrageous lies... in fact, he didn't much want to hear anything about what had motivated her before their marriage. He didn't seem to believe a single thing she said. Indeed, he fondly imagined she was putting on some silly act to try and impress him and bring him round to the idea that their marriage might have a real future.
She couldn't win against odds like that. She would be damned if she was a bitch and damned if she wasn't. In anguish, she thought back painfully to her hideously mortifying response to his lovemaking. Even though her experience with men was severely limited, she had forgotten the one fact she did know. Men always wanted sex. Men were just programmed that way. And just be-cause Alex was gorgeous and rich and spoilt for choice when it came to satisfying his sexual needs it didn't mean Alex was one whit different from any of the other men who had tried to pounce on her.
No, she thought sickly, the only thing different about Alex was that he had succeeded where the others had failed. Succeeded effortlessly, too. Her swollen face burned hot. And then he got out of bed, the conquering hero, the gentleman that he wasn't, and he tore her apart and he made her feel cheap and stupid and outstandingly naive because she had actually believed that he had changed towards her in some way.
Nothing had ever hurt so much. Her pride, she told herself. He had ground it to dust. Well, he would never do it again, she swore to herself. She had married him to be a mother to Nicky and nothing he could do was going to prevent her from carrying out that role. She sniffed, scrabbled for another tissue. Alex was a cruel, heartless bastard and she would never ever forget what he had done to her tonight!
CHAPTER SEVEN
'Who is the most handsome boy in the world? Who has the most gorgeous brown eyes and silky black hair?' Sarah whispered, lying on her stomach on the carpet, as smilingly intent on Nicky, who was kicking and waving his arms, as Nicky was intent on her. 'And you're not going to grow up and kiss the girls to make them cry, are you?' she sighed. 'I want you to be sensitive and loving and romantic. It takes a real man to be those things... don't you ever listen to anybody telling you different-----'
'Is this a private indoctrination session or can anyone join in?'
Sarah froze, her head jerking up to focus in horror on Alex's hand-stitched Italian leather shoes. Dear heaven, how could it be that time already? She always made sure she was well out of the way during Alex's visits to the nursery. And as a rule she was very efficient in her timing. In the past two weeks, she had actually gone forty-eight hours twice without even laying eyes on Alex in the distance. With a little effort, it wasn't difficult. Alex was a creature of habit and routine as regards his working day, and the hours he set aside for becoming acquainted with his nephew were equally regular.
Feeling dreadfully ill at ease, her face hotly flushed, Sarah lifted up on to all fours and then back on to her heels. Then she discovered that squinting up at Alex from that angle merely made him more intimidating and she hurriedly sprang upright, skimming taut hands down over her jean-clad hips, tugging at the T-shirt, still dampfrom Nicky's bath, conscious that it was clinging to her braless breasts.
'If you turn him into a sensitive, loving, romantic guy,' Alex drawled with lashings of sarcasm, 'he'll be a pushover for every gold-digger in Europe.'
'I don't see why,' she muttered helplessly, staring at his scarlet silk tie. 'Those kind of p-personality traits do not exclude intelligence and caution-----'
'They do in my book.' Alex released his breath in a sudden hiss. 'Look at me...'
Sarah swallowed hard and did so. And that ghastly weak-at-the-knees sensation took over just as she had feared it would. She connected with dark golden eyes and the world started to spin and her mind went terri-fyingly blank. Worse, every quivering skin cell went shamelessly on red alert. She had worked incredibly hard at willing these things to stop happening to her, but so far she could not feel that success was within reach. It was gruesome... all her life to have rejoiced in supreme self-control and then to be presented with Armageddon in the shape of a mere male.