Bold Tricks(11)

I swallowed with effort, stifled again by the memory of seeing her at the party. “Yes, my mother. I’m just here for them. That’s the only reason I’m going after Travis.”

He opened his eyes, narrowing them slightly. “I figured as much. You know, you’ll change your mind when you see Travis again. And I’ll be the one handing you the gun to finish the job. Then you’ll have your people back. And then, with his blood on your hands, you’ll finally have your peace. Don’t forget what you were prepared to do earlier. Don’t pretend like you weren’t going to drop that poison into his meal. Don’t act like you weren’t fully prepared to kill the very man that ruined our lives.”

“Our lives?”

He blinked a few times. “Your pain has been my pain.”

“I call bullshit on that.”

“And I call bullshit on you. You know what you mean to me, angel. You know the lengths that I’ll go to, all to make sure you get justice.”

I took in a deep breath, so conscious of how close his face was to mine, so mindful of his lips that looked ready to come crashing onto mine again. I had to say what I needed to say and had to say it right. Being straight was the only way out.

“Javier. I appreciate you saving us. And I do want to get your sister someplace safe. And if you can really help me get Gus back, then I owe you everything in the world. But what we shared, what we had, is over. It was over the moment I found out your true intentions. It was over the moment I realized I was being manipulated like some fucking puppet on a string. And it was over when I realized you and I are as toxic as the poison you put in my necklace. That has always been the truth and that will never change. The us that was is gone. This is the new us. We can help each other and if we can’t, then we shouldn’t be in each other’s lives. If you’re going to have your own agenda and your own plan other than helping me get to Gus, then we should part ways, right now, tonight, and never look back at each other. Never look for each. Move on and forget. Do you understand?”

My heart was beating so hard I could feel it in my lips, in my fingers. I had no idea how he was going to take this.

He stared at me stone-faced, as if he didn’t even hear me. He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and looked up at the ceiling. “I think I understand. Yes, I think I hear you.” He cleared his throat and straightened up, still straddling me but at least my face was free from his lips and grasp. His eyes still focused upward and he said, “Angel, angel, angel,” while shaking his head back and forth. “I thought I knew you. I only knew the … fetus … compared to the woman you could be.” He looked at my sharply. “What a fucking disappointment you are.”

Then he quickly got up and marched over to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. I sat up, rubbing at my face. He hadn’t hurt me but his touch still lingered like aftertaste. The thing was, a part of me still wanted that revenge on Travis. But now that it was his idea, I wasn’t about to give him credit. Javier had the advantage when it came to tricks, to contacts, to the plan. But I felt like I had the emotional upper hand. I didn’t know how long it would last and I didn’t know what kind of man it would make him – this would be the second time I’d spurned him after all. He was a loose cannon, a wild card and it was the moment I underestimated him that he’d totally pull the rug out from under us.

I thought back to Camden, wondering if he was in his room or outside the door like he’d said. It hurt like hell that he’d asked me to stay with Javier. I wanted Camden to be protective, to be my shield, especially now when I needed him the most. Instead, he was distant and becoming more distant by the moment. I knew he’d never let anything happen to me, that he would do his best to make sure I was alive, that he’d help me get Gus back, that he’d return me to California all in one piece. I just didn’t know how deep his wounds went either. When he was gone, Javier had been the person I relied on, whether that was a smart decision or not. But now with Camden in the picture, I felt myself naturally gravitate toward him.

Screw Javier and what he thought of my nature. My real nature, my real self, wanted that person to believe in me, to see the good, ignore the bad, and make me feel like I had a future. Camden was my future – though now that he was closer than ever, I felt that future being taken away from me. All because I made a foolish mistake. All because I had no faith.

The fact was, when I really looked at it, when I really searched deep inside, I was still in love with Camden. It was a love I had to bury for the last few weeks, a love I thought I could never have, that I’d never deserve. But I felt it, hidden underneath the layers, like the center of the sun. It was blinding when you had a glimpse of it but it was enough that you knew it was there, shining down on you. I’d let myself get burned if I could.