But along with patience, another thing she’d learned was that ruminating over what was done was a waste of time.
She exited the garage onto State Street and headed back to the office. She still had a ton of work to do.
She ditched her pumps and blazer in her office, throwing on a lab coat and tucking her hair up into a cap as she hurried to the lab. She’d long ago gotten over how goofy she looked; this was basic attire for her.
“How’d it go?” Richard asked her.
“Great.” She beamed a confident smile. “They asked some really good questions.”
“And you had really good answers.”
“I did.”
She touched base with her teams, the one she’d met with that morning and a group working on secreted proteins. Then she spent a couple more hours in her office writing a paper for the American Journal of Health Research. The building was quiet by the time she left at seven o’clock.
Her stomach growled as she walked to her car in the now empty lot. She patted it with a rueful smile. Damn, she’d forgotten to eat again. She stopped at EVO, a favorite mostly vegetarian fast food place not far from work, and picked up a black bean burger with guacamole, salsa, and chipotle sauce, and a side of sweet potato fries. The smell made her stomach rumble again on the drive the rest of the way home.
She dropped the paper sack onto her coffee table and sat on her couch to dig in. She flicked on the TV with the remote and found a news channel, popping a fry into her mouth. She moaned with pleasure.
Then she blinked. She never moaned when eating. Yeah, EVO’s food was good, but damn, she was sitting alone in her living room sounding like she had when Beck licked her…
She sighed. Her shadowy living room with only the TV news to keep her company suddenly seemed sad. This was more often than not how she ended her long workdays.
But it was all worth it. She believed in what they were working on, the huge impact they could have.
She really did.
But after yesterday’s laughing and playing and sexy times, she found herself missing that.
She took a big bite of her burger. Closing her eyes, she let the tastes explode in her mouth, the heat of the salsa, the bite of chipotle, the cool creamy guacamole a perfect counterpoint. The bean patty was deliciously seasoned, the bun fresh and squishy. She chewed slowly, savoring it like she never had before.
Eating was a chore that had to be done, something she’d easily forget to do when she was busy. But how much pleasure had she been missing? “So good,” she murmured, opening her eyes to reach for a crispy sweet potato fry.
Her mind went back to tasting the tequila and Beck’s guidance. His urging her to take the time to enjoy, to use all her senses.
Her stomach tightened. This was crazy stuff. Scary stuff. She wasn’t used to all these…feelings.
She wasn’t a robot. But in her experience, feelings just led to getting hurt. There’d been all those times when she’d been mocked as a child because she was a little different. She’d been quiet, shy, smart, and not always interested in the things the other kids were. When she tried to play sports it was humiliating. Chess wasn’t her thing and debate club had been excruciating. She’d been so wary of Carrie’s overtures at first, afraid to believe someone actually wanted to be friends with her, afraid to open herself up to being rejected. She’d experienced it again as a teenager, when boys had totally ignored her, or after the few times she’d been asked out, when there’d never been a repeat invitation. She’d had a painful crush on fellow science geek Phil Chang, and even he’d awkwardly rebuffed her when she’d tried to ask him out. While she was in high school, her dad had died a slow, painful death, followed not long after by her mother’s. Those had been the most excruciating losses of all.
Then in college, she’d fallen in love…with research.
Yes, if she focused all her caring on her work, it was much safer. Sure, there were disappointments and failures in research. But those she could handle.
She trusted her aunt and uncle to be there for her, because they always had been. After Mom and Dad died, she’d been alone in the world, except for Carrie, and they’d made sure she was okay. And she trusted Carrie to be there for her. But caring about anyone else was risky. She was better off cocooned safely in her lab, or eating takeout alone in front of her TV, than thinking crazy thoughts about a man with beautiful eyes, perfect muscles, and sexy tattoos.
He’d bought her ten pairs of panties. He was ridiculous. They were pretty, mind you. Prettier than anything she’d ever bought herself. She felt she shouldn’t accept them from him, but what was she going to do? It wasn’t a big enough deal to make her go to Conquistadors to find him and return them. They were just panties.