"No thanks needed. That's what you are to me. You're very important to me, to both of us." I wrap my arm around Carys's waist and draw her in.
"Yes, you are," Carys adds.
"Thanks, guys." Anna pulls back, a bit uncomfortable but still smiling. "I've got to get ready for class. Eat as many muffins as you want, Evan."
We spend the rest of the day together. I've cleared my schedule to be with Sweetness, both for my sanity and also for her comfort. As the clock rolls past five thirty, it's time for me to get a move on. We're meeting at HC to go over the plan and pack up our gear.
"I gotta go. Don't wait up-I'll wake you when I come in." Leaning in, I press my lips to hers. She grins at me, her eyes glittering with determination.
"I'm coming with you."
"No, you're not," I immediately counter, as I head to the door.
Close on my heels, she defiantly says, "Yes, I am."
"Dammit, Carys, you're not!"
The air stills as we stare intently at each other. She knows I mean business. I can see the wheels turning in her head as she contemplates what to do.
"I need to go."
"I can't have you there. You are my only weakness." My voice cracks as I grip the sides of her head firmly but gently.
Pulling her forehead into mine, I inhale her scent and gather my thoughts. I need to get through to her. This isn't an option. She simply can't come. Like mine, her breathing is heavy, and her warm breath tickles my face.
"You are my only weakness," I repeat. "I can't have you there. I know this about myself. Whenever you're in the room, no matter the circumstance, you're the only thing I can think about."
"Evan … " Her hand trails over the side of my face. "I'm scared to death of losing you again. We spent much of our lives leaving each other and I don't know how to be okay with you leaving now. I know you're coming back, but I don't know how not to have this kneejerk reaction that I need to hang on to you for fear that I'll never see you again."
Tears fill her eyes and her voice wobbles. Her fear is palpable and it breaks me to know I'm putting her through this, even though we both know it must be done.
"I can't fathom just getting you back only to lose you again. It would break me," she cries.
Tugging her into my arms, I hold her tight and make us both a vow.
"I swear to you, on everything, on my life, I will come back to you. There's no fucking way anything is stopping me from coming back to you. I swear to you, nothing will tear us apart. Everything will go as planned."
"I'm going to hold you to that. You better come back to me, because if not, Evan Hart, you will wish that you never met me."
"Not possible," I jest.
"Oh, yes it is."
"I'll never regret you, ever." My voice is low and raw. "And as for coming after me, I would expect nothing less from you."
"You're supposed to be shaking in your boots, scared of me, not all lovey dovey." She playfully shoves at me.
"Never. You all fiery and angry only turns me on," I confess, my voice heavy with desire.
I refuse to even consider that this might be our last time together, even with her fear right in my face, reminding me that fate hasn't always been on our side, reminding me of all the times we were separated. I truly believe it won't happen this time.
Now
Carys
AFTER EVAN LEAVES, I'M stir crazy, even with Anna, Tommie, and Tripp here-yes, Evan arranged for a posse to babysit me. I'm not sure if that's because he didn't want me to be alone or if he feared I'd go after him. Either way, I appreciate it. If I were alone right now, I'd be climbing the walls.
Tripp doesn't know all the specifics because he can't, but he insisted on being here and keeping me company. We both know there's a high likelihood that what they're doing is illegal and could implicate him if things go to hell in a handbasket. As FBI, he'd have an obligation to stop them, or worse, arrest them, if he knew what was going down.
"Here you go." He hands me a glass of wine and sits down beside me.
For the past fifteen minutes, I've been watching Tommie with avid fascination. She's with the team, sort of, watching and listening with an earpiece and her laptop. She refuses to let any of us look at what's happening and while I hate it, I also get it.
As I observe, the courage to say what's been on my mind for some time now rises within me. It won't change anything, but I want the affirmation, if nothing else.
"You knew, didn't you?" My deliberately vague question makes her head snap up, her expression confused. I was intent on getting her attention, and I succeeded.
"Pardon?"
"You were the only one who knew Evan was still in the city, weren't you? You helped him set up his cover and watched me when he couldn't, didn't you?"