“The man looked like your dad. He was a man from Paris who made the mistake of touching you in a way you didn’t want. He looked similar to your dad. You didn’t kill him, I did.”
“Oh God. I’m an animal.” None of it feels real. None of it makes sense. “Did I really kill cats?” He nods slowly as my entire world falls apart. “I’m an animal.”
He walks to me, dropping to his knees on the hardwood floor in front of me. “You are a sweet person. A good person. If you were awake and fully conscious, you wouldn’t hurt an innocent person. Trust me.”
“Why did it start when you erased my memory?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t know. I exhausted the research on it, but there is no way to specifically answer questions about the brain and the subconscious. We are more than we know. Layers are in there, in our minds. We can’t always see inside the layers. We can’t stop being who we are in there.”
“Like you with the killing?” Did I just justify his being a killer? Does it matter, with the track record I have?
He lifts me up, scooping me into his arms. He kisses the side of my face, breathing me in. “I love you, Jane. I loved you when you were Andrea, I loved you as Sam. I will love you with whatever name you choose for the next time. I wasn’t lying to you when I said we found each other in the dark and we made light. That’s what you are for me. You are possibility and light and love and everything I never had before I met you.”
Andrea? I wrap my arms around him. “I don’t know how to be a normal girl. I just want to be normal.”
He shakes his head. “What’s normal? We were raised by the normal people out there in the world. Every house has secrets, even if it looks normal on the outside. Every house has a notch hole, Jane. Look what normal made us.” His eyes are more green than gray, shining with what might be the light we make together.
I press my face into his, letting my forehead rest on his cheek. “Can we just be the people we are in here?”
He nods, carrying me to a bedroom with no lights on. It’s dark, and in the shadows I see things. There are hands reaching for me, monsters slithering about in the blackest places, and sharp teeth awaiting me under the bed. But I am the scariest monster in the room, so I’m not afraid of them. It dawns on me then that the reason I don’t need a night-light with him isn’t because I feel safer, it’s because I see the reality of the situation. He is my dose of perspective. He makes me see that I don’t need to fear the other things in the room. They need to fear me.
He pulls my shirt off, tossing it into the oblivion made of shadows. His warm hands trail along my skin as he dips his face, sliding his tongue into my mouth. I suck it, caressing and waiting for the storm I know is coming. Every movement and caress is too soft. He slips a hand down my body to my hip. His finger traces along the front of me slowly, pressing into my abdomen as if it were a massage. He touches nothing but the safe places, making my nipples and pussy desperate for affection. I run my hands up his taut body, dragging his shirt off too. He dips a hand between my thighs, brushing either side of my legs but still avoiding the one place I want touched so badly. Not waiting for him to come around to my way of seeing things, I undo his pants, sliding my hand down into his boxers, gripping his rock-hard shaft. He sucks his breath, still tormenting me with his fingers and lips.
I change my grip, stroking him softly, twisting with my hand at the top. He growls into our kiss, biting down on my lip. It makes me grin to be in control of his pleasure.
He doesn’t struggle for the control back, he just takes it, slipping a finger straight into me. I’m soaked from the anticipation of it all, so his movements are well lubed. He exits, sliding a second finger into me. I moan, feeling him stretch me. My grip on his cock tightens, jerking more than caressing.
He moans into my mouth, but I can’t continue the kiss. My head falls back as we kneel on the bed, chest to chest, stroking each other.
He takes advantage of the position and pushes me back onto the bed as he slides down my body, kissing his way to my mound. He slides between my thighs, spreading them wide and placing soft kisses on the inside of my legs. I tremble with excitement as he lowers his head farther, licking my entire slit. His tongue drags along the lips teasingly, before plunging inside me. I cry out, writhing my hips so I take more of the penetration than he perhaps intends. He fucks with his tongue, in and out, while rubbing my clit with his thumb. A finger joins his tongue inside me, moving with the rubbing of my clit. Sounds leave my lips, but he shifts positions suddenly, sliding his body over mine and sticking the head of his waiting cock in my parted lips. I open my mouth, letting him slide it as far as I can take it. He tries to push it farther at the exact moment he speeds all his movements up. I cry out in a gargled moan as my body twitches against him with the greatest release I’ve ever had. His hips continue to thrust into my mouth, nearly assaulting my face as the flood continues to wash over me, and his hands slow. He starts spanking my clit, driving the finishing orgasm home with vibration.