He winks. "And your little cat too." I blink, realizing he's told a joke and I'm meant to be laughing. He sighs and takes a bite, moaning into his fork. "I don't care what you say all night, nothing can ruin this moment. You are wearing my ring, meeting my mother, and this food is ridiculous."
My evil stare-down doesn't last when I start eating. He grins at me from across the plate. "You glad we got a backstory now?"
I lift my middle finger into the air. "Shhhhh. Don't wreck this."
He shakes his head. "You're getting it after dinner."
I grin back, desperately hoping I am getting it. We both look down at my hand resting on the table. A goofy smile crosses his lips, forcing one across mine. He sighs, and I can see there is some kind of bliss going on behind those eyes and I'm the one who put it there. That has to be some sort of miracle. I took it each day at a time for a year and still ended up here, in a committed place where there is no doubt that one day we will be those golden-retriever people. We'll have a boxy SUV and a house with grass all around it. Because that's the sort of monster he is. The worst kind, really. I almost can't wait for tomorrow when I take a mind ride into that unconscious girl. I can't wait to free the other girls. It will be my last time doing something dangerous, my last trip down into the gutters.
And then I will try very hard to be like him. I suspect even if I can't be exactly like him, he won't care. I got one thing right about him in the mind rides where I created his alter ego. He has one tremendous trait in common with Derek, my made-up version of him. He will love me for who I am, because that's who he is. So if I only offer an inch, he'll take it and wait for me to give more. He's generous with his love and feelings, in an awkward way, and he's patient with me.
His eyes see through my grin. "Tomorrow I will be at your side the entire time, okay?"
I nod. Just a little bit excited.
We do dishes, flicking each other with soap and laughing as Binx earns himself a bubble cap. He paws and shakes until it's gone and then struts off indignantly.
We make love in our way that really has nothing to do with making love, but it works, especially in the dark where we aren't accountable for the things we want.
We go to bed.
It's the makings of a very beautiful life.
I sleep cocooned in him, safe from the world out there where we have to make choices and be strong.
When I wake, it takes a second for the haze to slip from my mind. I nearly forgot I was doing a mind ride today. I shower and get dressed into something comfortable. His eyes don't leave me, stalking me throughout the house. I know he's worried, but I'm not. When we arrive at work, he's tense. He gives me a peck on the cheek and whispers, "See you in the dark."
It makes me grin. I look back at him as I enter the room where the petite brunette is sleeping on the bed next to my vacant one. I offer a subtle wave and kiss.
"Don't forget your triggers."
It makes me smile wider. "Don't forget to tell your mom I like Italian food."
He scoffs, seeing how seriously I am taking everything. I close the door, looking at him through the glass. He waves and walks into his side of the room, behind the glass.
When I get inside I lift my left hand up to the glass. "Angie, look." I know she's screaming in the doctors' room. She's always shouting about everything.
Rory comes strolling in, closing the door behind him. His eyes find the ring. He nods. "Finally nailed you down then, eh?"
I shrug, lying back on the bed so he can sit down and we can start. Rory leans in, whispering, "Does he know just how long you've stalked his ass?"
"He does."
"Then I guess he's as crazy as you are." He sighs and looks over at the girl. "Who am I this time, Jane?"
I glance at her too. "My brother, Rory Hamilton. We're twins."
"Good idea; stick close to the storylines for our reality. Did you add some spy stuff to justify your natural skills and skepticism?"
"Yup." I fold my arms over my chest and lie back. He wraps me in tightly, sitting next to me, like he always does.
"Okay, work fast. We need to find where this nutbag is keeping these girls."
I glance up at him as he tucks me in snug as a bug in a rug, like his mother always did for him. "You know me, I like everything fast."
He winks. "Apart from love. The good doctor would agree to that, I'm sure."
I shake my head. "Don't get him started. He doesn't need encouraging."
Rory blows a kiss at the mirror. "Ahh, my sweet Angie had the same troubles as he does. She was chasing me all over hell's half acre, trying to nail me down."
"Oh my God, you're a dork. She's going to kick some ass later for that one."
His wicked grin matches the one she gets at times. "God help me, I hope so."
I close my eyes, grateful for everything and ready to help someone else find their freedom. Everything is a mess in the world I am about to enter, so having my world in order makes it easier.
I lie back, reminding myself of the triggers.
The purple scarf my mother was wearing when she died. I still have the picture of our family the day the accident happened. The purple scarf was so tight around her neck it still bothers me.
The wooden box with the four-leaf clover in the lid that I made with Andrea and Mom. I still have it.
The saying that my master chief always said in training. Loss of love, loss of limb, and loss of life are all equal tragedies. He was a genius.
Dash-or Derek, as I call him here so I don't confuse the two of them in real life-he's the light in the dark and the voice that brings me home.
Binx. The black-and-white cat who will forever have my heart.
Twins, because I once shared something with a person that can't ever be taken away from me, even in death-creation. I shared a womb, and I shared my life with a person who will always be with me.
Rory, because he always has my back and he's hot in a naughty way.
Angie, because she always makes me laugh.
Pink roses, because they're my favorite.
Shredded paper, because once upon a time that was the only solitude I had.
Noisy kitchens, because they remind me maybe I was an orphan but my life was still amazing. I had food and shelter and love and support.
And now the ring on my finger, because it means forever, and for the first time in my life that word makes sense.
I take deep breaths, ready to take on whatever this young girl named Ashley Potter has to throw at me.
Because I am a survivor.