The car is like a trap, preventing us from moving much beyond the caressing and kissing, but I can tell we both feel the need to move. He lets go of me, jumping out of the car and rushing to my side. His footsteps on the gravel beneath us are intense. When he drags me from the car it's rough, but I fight a moan over the violence of our sudden outburst. He pushes me to the hood of the car, bending me across it, face down and writhing. My pants are ripped down, baring my ass to the garden. I hear him spit. It makes me cringe until he pushes his erection inside me, bringing instant pleasure with it. Then I ignore the way it got there. He thrusts hard, sliding his hands up my back and into my hair. He drags my head back, lifting my upper body. His other hand slides across the front of me and into the top of my shirt. He dips his entire hand into my bra, rolling my nipple as he drives his cock forward, bumping my thighs and hips off the hood and bumper.
It is not love we make. His fingers grab too hard, his cock enters too roughly, and when his teeth find my back I cry out. But none of my responses are in pain or injury. When I orgasm he can hardly move with the tension inside me gripping him. But the second I'm done quivering all over his erection, he's back to jackhammering me into the car. He pushes my face back down, sliding my cheek and lips up and down the gray car. Words leave my mouth, words I don't comprehend at all. They're mutterings to my ears but to my brain they're the true sound of bliss.
When he's about to come, he grips my ass cheeks hard, pulling me back onto him as his balls slap against me.
I cry out again, shocked by the eruption inside me-a second orgasm. I don't suspect it's coming, but the moment it hits he loses himself, coming at the same time. His orgasm drips from us both as he collapses on top of me, pushing me into the metal hood harder.
"God damn, I missed you, Sam." He kisses my back, and instantly I am unsure how turned on I should be by the events that have transpired in a stranger's yard.
Sam?
I don't know the appropriate response to the name, and my trembling vagina isn't going to be any help on the matter. She's convinced we need him, forever.
11. SEE JANE DIE
There is no way to go back when we enter the airport. The passport in my hand is a lie. The place we are going to do the surgery is a mystery. The act we are about to commit is a crime.
"She's coming, right?" I ask, scanning the area for the one face I need to see in the crowd.
He kisses the back of my hand, an act from before the truth came out. It is an act old Derek would have done, not the man he's been since my father's house. I have moaned through that version of Derek's affection several times in the last twenty-four hours. "I told you she is, three times already. Stop asking, Jane."
And we are back to Jane? Maybe he's back to being old Derek.
I don't understand so I don't pry. I don't know where to go with all of it. The emotions and confusion have taken up enough room inside me. I decided to trust him when I saw the house of horrors, and I'm not changing my mind. Course I said I'd never trust him once I saw the video old me made. Maybe making guarantees is a bad plan for me.
All I know is every time I close my eyes I'm back there, and I need it gone-need my father gone. I need to be free of all of this. Derek is the only person who has ever made me free. It was a short freedom, ending after only three years, but it was the happiest I have ever been since before my mother died. I know that as a truth inside me.
"No more sleeping with the light on as of Wednesday." He kisses my hand again.
I nod, hating the fact I have completely reverted back to the sleepwalking, assaulting him sexually in his sleep, all the while crying and whimpering, and needing the light on. It's disturbing me.
We walk past the airline counters toward the security area. When I see her my heart lights up. I don't wave or smile, I just glow on the inside.
She acts as though she doesn't know us and walks to the bathroom. I want to scratch my wig and adjust it but I don't. The bright-blonde hair is my only chance at getting onto the plane. I leave his side, walking to the bathroom with her passport in hand. She knows to go to the American Airlines gate and ask for the ticket that's been left there for her, the new her. When I get in the bathroom she hugs me, breathing as if she hasn't since I left her house. "Thank the gods you're all right."
I pull back. "Why?"
She shakes her wrinkled face. "There was a man, the one who was at the house with you the first day. He brought me this, this morning. He said he needed you to have it and that it was the same as last time." She hands me a scratched-up pale-pink phone. I scowl, taking it.
"Did they follow you?"
She shakes her head. "No. I took a bus, a cab, and then walked through an older area before catching another cab. It would have been impossible. I brought nothing with me but what is in this carry-on."
"Okay." I hand her the passport. "You're a Canadian named Martha Jane Anderson. You're from Toronto and were here to see an old friend, but now you're leaving on vacation. Make sure you memorize the address and stuff."
"I can do that." She nods. "See you wherever we end up, I guess."
It makes me grin, knowing she's coming this time. I'll have someone who's mine. I wish I could bring Angie. I hate that I'm leaving her behind. She and Binx are my family too. I already miss them both, even though it's only been days. I can't wait to get Binx back. His stay in the kennel is going to make him extra cranky. I almost grin, thinking about how sassy he's going to be.
My aunt kisses me once more before leaving the bathroom and heading for the airline counter. Once I'm alone the weight of the phone feels like the gun he gave me did.
I press the power button on, knowing full well he's tracked my aunt here. I dial 911 and wait for it to ring.
"Why are you trying to make me crazy? This isn't even funny, Sam," Rory answers, sounding desperate. "We are moving in to bring him down. We need you to stand down on this one. Please, for me."
I close my eyes, letting the things I need to fall from my lips. "If you ever cared about me, even a little, I need you to imagine your father made you do the things mine did. Imagine for two seconds how you would feel knowing you woke in the night and killed animals like you once saw your father do." He tries to interrupt me but I keep going. "Imagine for one minute how it feels to know someone took everything from you and left you a shell. How would you manage all of that baggage?"
"Don't do this. Whatever his plan is, don't do it."
"I want this to go away. I need to be free of it all."
His voice cracks. "Don't leave me again."
I shake my head as if he can see me. "I want you to go away, and I never want to see you again."
"He isn't the person you think he is. Trust me, you had to have had a plan. There's no way you let him brainwash you without there being a method to your madness."
A heavy sigh leaves my lips with my next sentence. "Let me be dead, Rory. Let me just be dead. This is me begging you to let me be free of this. Don't be the person who traps me in the world my father tortured me in." I hang up the phone, leaving it in the garbage can, and walk from the bathroom. My eyes are filled with tears, but my mind is certain we are doing the right thing.
I walk back to Derek, trying to hide the fact I've been crying, but he sees it immediately. "You all right?"
I nod. "Just a little sad still. My heart hurts, ya know?"
He wraps an arm around me. "I do." We walk to the security check. It's there I discover we are headed to Austria, which makes me excited. I know I've been there before. I saw the pictures, but I don't recall it.
We walk to the gate for the plane, sitting next to each other on a bench. Earlier I told him I thought coming to the airport and taking the same flight was a gamble, but he said he picked the flight for a reason-it was overbooked.
He kisses my hand again, muttering, "I'll be right back."
I nod, waiting for him. Everything is clicking into place. I watch him walk down the long corridor of tan carpet, past the gates of the departure area. He's crazy, there's no doubt, but he wouldn't ever hurt me. I know that. He's the only way I'll ever be rid of the haunting details of my childhood. I wish he could just take away the last two weeks but leave me with everything else. I was never scared before, except when I worried he would eventually see what a plain Jane I was. Plain Jane. The words ring in my head. Plain Jane.
I open my mouth, whispering the words, "Plain Jane."
It acts likes a trigger. A darkness covers my face, like a bucket of blood has been poured over my head, making my vision turn red and cloud out my view. My eyes flutter like I'm having a seizure, only I'm not making them do it. A thousand images wash through my head at once, like a flood filling my brain.