Blind Item(30)

“Wait,” exclaimed Kara, “did he ask you to go to Vegas with him?”

“Nope,” laughed Billy. “He hadn’t mentioned it before. But it was so ridiculous, I just decided to play along. I got ready and put on these absolutely gorgeous clothes and we went to the parking garage and got into another dark limo and sped off to Van Nuys Airport. We landed at some private airport in Vegas, I have no clue where, and he took us to a gated community and we set up in this huge, kind of empty mansion. He wanted to blow me and cuddle all the time. He wasn’t particularly good at either.…”

“Good to know,” laughed Nicola.

“Anyways, that’s what we did, though it became more and more about the cuddling and less about the sex stuff. He started talking about how hard his life was and how his advisors were telling him to be straight for a couple years and how he hated them and he hated pretty much everything. It went from being Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous to a very special episode of 20/20 really quickly.”

“So of course you got bored,” said Kara. “And it’s your turn again.”

Billy played his hand so quickly that both Nicola and Kara locked eyes and laughed.

“Yes, it was boring, and also, I was in Las Vegas, so I started asking when we were going home. Wrong question! He started to cry, because apparently he wanted us to hide out for a week or so. I told him I needed to get back to LA, to get back to work. He offered me money, and you know what, I just couldn’t take it. I can joke about being a hooker, but when faced with the reality, I just couldn’t do it.”

“And that drove him back to drugs?” asked Nicola.

“Yeah, he seemed to have been sober the whole time we were there, but after I said I wanted to come home, he vanished for a while into the bathroom and he came back out and he was fuckin’ wired, he was bouncing off the walls and he wanted to fuck, he wanted to talk, he wanted to do everything all at once.”

“Meth!” said the girls at once.

“Jinx!” Kara said rapidly.

“Fuck your jinx,” laughed Nicola. “I’ll make you a drink, though.”

“Deal,” said Kara, playing her hand.

“Yes, meth,” said Billy, rolling his eyes. “I knew I was fucked at that point, so I started trying to look at flights and rental cars on my phone. He saw what I was doing and hit the roof. It was decidedly unpretty. I was a prisoner. The place was totally locked inside and out. I tried to talk to him and he was crying and yelling and he went back into the bathroom, and that was it. I guess he tried to calm down by taking downers, but he took too many so he did a bit more meth, and boom, unconscious superstar on bathroom floor.”

Billy paused to see if that had derailed the game.

“Fuuuuuuuuck,” said Kara, setting a tray of drinks down. “And it’s your turn again.”

“Really?” said Billy. “This story isn’t good enough to derail the game?”

“We’ve kind of heard it already, dear,” said Nicola. “Not that it’s not exciting, but we already know the ending.”

“Well, that’s where we are now. I grabbed his phone, and used his finger to unlock it, and I called that bitch Crystal. She hardly batted her lizard eyes. She was so matter-of-fact that it was clear this is pretty much a weekly occurrence, but she was not happy that we were in Las Vegas. She has a team here in LA but nothing in Vegas. She had me throw cold water on him and sit on top of him and force-feed him pills from a bottle in the cabinet. Benzos, I guess. Anyways, by the time I got that happening, there was a knock at the door and these two HUGE guys barged past me with a stretcher; they got him up and strapped and wheeled out in fucking seconds. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do, but one of the goons fucking grabbed me by the shirt and dragged me into the van with them. Then you know the rest. Locked in a private corridor of a hospital while the world’s press waits outside. They brought in some slutty girl to pretend she was with him—I overheard that her payment will be a pilot for AMC—and I waited for Crystal. She got so insane on the phone that I actually escaped just before she arrived. I booked into a fucking suite at the Wynn and got as drunk as I could and the next day I rented a car and drove my hangover home.”

“That’s awesome,” laughed Nicola, “and it’s your turn again.”

“Wait—neither of you have any questions?”

The girls pretended to be surveying the vintage popcorn-textured ceiling for a few seconds before they both shook their heads.

“My turn,” announced Kara. “I’m engaged!”