Okay, enter more awkward ex-girlfriend talk. Maybe I should change the subject?
"Do you enjoy your job?" I ask. "It must be tiring as well. I hear lawyers work some long hours."
He nods. "Yes. Mandy, my ex, she didn't like it. She said she hated that I got called out all the time, but it's a demanding job. I work more than I enjoy life sometimes. And she just couldn't seem to understand that, you know?"
Oh dear.
He's hung up on his ex.
Sigh. Might as well scrap this one as a potential person to date and just go with the flow. I have nothing else to do tonight, and I dressed up. Besides, I love a good story. So I settle in, sip my drink, and go for it.
"What happened with Mandy?"
His eyes sadden. Here we go. I'm going to need a double shot. I can already tell by his expression that whatever she did to him, really hurt.
"She cheated on me. It broke my heart. To be honest, I'm still recovering. I thought dating would help."
Poor guy, that's the absolute worst. I can handle a lot of things in a relationship, but cheating … I don't think I could live with that. It's awful.
"I'm really sorry. That must have been awful. I agree dating might help, but probably not until you're ready."
"I don't know if I am, you know?" he agrees. "I loved her. I wanted a future with her, I just feel like I'll never love anyone again … "
For the next three solid hours, I comfort Richard over his breakup with Mandy, who sounds like an absolute bitch. During this time, I nod, give him advice, and even pat him on the shoulder every so often. He's a good sport, thanking me over and over and apologizing for leading me on. He even pays for all the drinks. I can't deny that, as horrible as the story was, it was nice to talk about someone else's problems and not focus on my own.
It also makes me realize there are so many people out there struggling, and I don't want to always be seen as one of them. I lost my husband, and it still hurts daily, but I also have a chance to make something of my life. Seeing Richard, and seeing his pain, only makes it clear that I can't reflect that on other people for the rest of my days. I have to move on eventually, and I want to, for the first time in what seems like forever, I actually want to consider what it might be like to live again.
Maybe Taylor was right, maybe these dates are good for me, even if I don't actually walk away with a partner out of it. Maybe they're just a good way for me to see that I've been living in a shell for four years, and I need to find myself and get back out there. I know Raymond would kick me right up the backside if he knew I was still holding onto him and not making something of my life. He would want this for me-that much I'm sure of with a hundred percent certainty.
For the first time in a long time, I don't feel the crushing guilt at the thought of moving on.
Yes, maybe Taylor was right. Brat.
Once Richard has gone, I get a cab back home. I call Taylor the second I get in the car. I'm not unhappy about my evening, but this woman seriously needs to start paying more attention to the men she's picking for me. I can only imagine what she's going to present me with next.
"So?" she answers on the first ring, her voice all chipper and excited. "You were gone for a while, can I assume it went well?"
I snort. "You would be assuming wrong. The man was hung up on his ex-girlfriend, and I spent three hours comforting him. But outside of that, he wasn't a bad guy and it was entertaining, but no more dates like this one-please."
"Comforting him? Seriously? That's a little funny."
"Yes, seriously. I honestly felt sorry for the poor guy by the end of it."
"You at least made a friend out of him, right?"
"I'm not going on another blind date if they're all going to be like this," I say to get my point across once more. "As fun as it is to get out, and as much as I don't want to admit you were right in pushing me, there is only so much I can handle doing it this way."
She exhales, long and dramatic. "Give me one more. I promise you he'll be good, I'll make sure of it."
I make a dissatisfied hmmm sound in my throat. "I don't believe you, considering the other two were meant to be good, and turned out not to be. I'm starting to think you're finding this more entertaining than I am."
She laughs again. "I know, I'm sorry. Please, one more. I promise it won't be awful."
I exhale with a groan. "One more, but I swear, I swear … if this one is bad, I'm setting you up on three dates myself so you can endure this too."
"Deal."
I mumble a curse under my breath. "I'm about to enter my building, I'll call you later. Make the last one good, Tay."