"You don't love life now?" I ask him, understanding how that feels, to be stuck in sadness and unable to find a way out. It took me a long time. His loss is fresher than mine.
"I love my job, but there are times when I'm alone, and I have nothing else. It's just me and my job. It can be a lonely world."
Poor guy. I know how it feels to be surrounded by people and yet feel completely alone. I can relate to that. I can understand it. I like understanding Ace, I like being able to respect his pain and know exactly where it stems from. I think it connects us on a level other people simply couldn't understand.
"What did you do for fun, before you lost Miranda? Surely there was something you enjoyed?"
He thinks about that, and then his eyes swing to me. "I loved fishing. We used to go out most weekends, up to the mountains, to the lake, and we'd fish and camp."
"Why don't you do that anymore?"
He shrugs. "Life got busy, never had time."
"I understand that," I admit. "I know how it feels. Sometimes I'd rather stay cooped up, and never go out. It seems easier to just forget life keeps going on after you lose someone."
"Yeah," he murmurs.
"Tell me more about Miranda." I smile, studying him. "I like hearing you talk about her."
Ace nods, those lips tipping up just a little at the sides. God he'd be beautiful if he smiled. "She was crazy. She kept me on my toes, that's for sure. I'll never forget one time we were walking down the street and there were these dancers, two of them, trying to earn some money. There was a group of teenagers picking on this couple, and so Miranda kicked off her shoes and joined them, encouraging everyone watching to do the same. Soon enough, she had about a dozen people dancing, and laughing, and giving the couple money. She shut those teens up. She was good like that. She just had this edge about her, this light."
I smile. "It sounds like I would have liked her."
"You would have, because you're exactly the same."
I roll my eyes. "Come on, I wouldn't have danced in public with a group of strangers just to get back at a group of rude, bitchy teenagers."
Ace snorts. "Yeah, you would."
"I can't believe she did that."
"That's the kind of person she was. She always wanted to make people laugh, and if she couldn't make them laugh, she'd just annoy the ever lovin' hell out of them."
"Good for her, there aren't enough people left like that in this world. People who just stick it to the man and do what they feel is right."
Ace agrees with a low "Hmmm," then continues, "She was special, that's for sure. She would have traveled the world and put a smile on everyone's face if she had half the chance."
///
I smile at him.
"What about you?" he asks, changing the subject. "What kind of man was Raymond?"
"He was sweet," I tell him. "Sweet as hell. He did little things every day to make me smile. He would leave a note, or just turn the washing machine on with a load of clothes-anything to make my life easier. He was always trying to make me happy."
"Not many men left like that in the world," Ace murmurs.
"No, there aren't. I was lucky. I am lucky. I got to experience the very best kind, even if it was for such a short time."
"Me too."
"Do you think you'll ever love anyone again?" I ask him, and his eyes flash, true emotion showing through for a second.
"I don't know. It's hard to think anyone could compare," he tells me in a low tone. "But I don't believe there is only one person for everyone out there, either. I think it's possible to love again. It might not be the same, but that doesn't mean it won't be just as good."
I nod thoughtfully. I agree with him.
"Do you think it's possible?" he asks me.
"Yeah, of course. I mean, no love is the same, but I think everyone has more than one, without a doubt."
"Mmmm," he murmurs, staring at my lips.
"You're staring at me," I laugh softly. "How the tables have turned."
"That's because you're beautiful."
I flush and rub my hands together. "And to think I didn't like you when we first met."
He shakes his head, those lips twitching again. "Not many people do."
"You said you've always been like that. Did it get worse after you lost Miranda?"
He nods. "I didn't cope all that well, and instead of dealing with it, I just shut down. It was hard to get myself out of that place. It became … second nature so to speak."