Bless Me, Ultima(65)

I thought Andrew was at home but Narciso set off down the street, in the direction of the river. If Andrew was in town, he would be at Allen’s store or at the Eight Ball shooting pool. Concerned for Ultima’s safety and feverish with the cold, I struggled to keep up with him because in the thick snow a person quickly disappeared from sight. I followed the stumbling figure ahead of me, and between the blasts of wind I could hear him talk to himself about Tenorio’s threat and how he would warn Andrew.

He turned on the church road and went towards the bridge, and I believed that his intentions were to go to my father’s house anyway, but when he came to Rosie’s house he paused at the snow-laden gate of the picket fence.

A single red light bulb shone at the porch door. It seemed like a beacon of warmth inviting weary travelers in from the storm. The shades of the windows were drawn but light shone through them, and from somewhere in the house a faint melody seeped out and was lost in the wind.

“Cabronas putas—” Narciso mumbled and walked up the path. The snow quickly covered his footprints.

I did not know why he would pause here while delivering such an important message. I did not know what to do. I had to get home before the storm got any worse, but something held me at the gate of the evil women. Narciso was already pounding at the door and shouting to be let in. Without thinking, I ran up the walk and around the side of the porch. I peered over the porch wall and through the screen.

The door opened and a crack of light illuminated Narciso’s face. His face was puffed and bloody from the fight, and the wet snow made the blood run in trickles down his face. He would have frightened anyone, and he did. The woman who opened the door screamed.

“Narciso! What has happened!” she cried.

“Let me in!” Narciso roared and pushed at the door, but it was held by a chain inside and would not budge.

“You are drunk! Or mad! Or both!” the woman shouted. “You know I allow only gentlemen to visit my girls—”

Her face was painted red, and when she smiled at Narciso her teeth were shiny white. Her sweet perfume wafted through the open door and mixed with the music from within. I could hear laughter inside. Something told me to flee the house of the naked women, and another thought whispered for me to stay and know the awful truth. I felt paralyzed.

“I did not come for pleasure, whore!” Narciso roared. “I have to see Márez! Is he here?”

My ears seemed to explode with a ringing noise. I felt as if I had stood for an hour with the cold wind drumming at exposed nerves. I felt free, as if the wind had picked me up and carried me away. I felt very small and lonely. And in reality the realization of the truth discovered swept over me in a few seconds.

“Which Márez?” I heard the woman cry out, and her laughter was echoed by a burst of laughter from within.

“Don’t play games with me, whore!” Narciso shouted, “call Márez!” He reached through the opening and would have grabbed her if she had not jumped back.

“Hokay! Hokay!” I heard her shout. “Andrés! Androooooo!”

I did not want to accept the knowledge of her words, but I did. I think I knew now that I had followed Narciso and that I stood with the wind whipping at my back because I had expected to hear my brother’s name called. For a while I had even dreaded that the Márez at the house of the sinful women might be my father, because I remembered the way he and Serrano had whispered jokes about the women here when the bull was humped over the cow.

“Androooooooooo…” The wind seemed to taunt me with the name. My brother.

I felt very feverish now. I felt weak and useless. I remembered the day my brothers left for the big city, how they shouted about coming here before they left. And Andrew always lingering here, not telling my mother who his girl was, all seemed to fit. And I remembered my dream. Andrew had said that he would not enter the house of the naked women until I had lost my innocence.

Had I already lost my innocence? How? I had seen Lupito murdered… I had seen Ultima’s cure… I had seen the men come to hang her… I had seen the awful fight just now… I had seen and reveled in the beauty of the golden carp!

Oh God! my soul groaned and I thought that it would burst and I would die huddled against the evil house. How had I sinned?

“¿Quién? Who? Ah, Narciso, you!” It was Andrew. He threw open the door. “Come in, come in,” he motioned. One arm was around a young girl. She was dressed in a flowing robe, a robe so loose it exposed her pink shoulders and the soft cleft of curving breasts.

I did not want to see anymore. I pressed my forehead against the cold wood of the porch wall and closed my eyes. I wanted the cold to draw all the heat out of my tired, wet body and make me well again. The day had been so long, it seemed to stretch back to eternity. I only wanted to be home, where it was safe and warm. I wanted to hate Andrew for being with the bad women, but I could not. I only felt tired, and older.