I had a feeling that even if I were to find bodily release from Calix, I would never be free of him. The man was a part of me now. As much as I wanted to fight that fact, it was the truth. He had taken so much from me - stolen so many of my firsts - things I was saving for only one man. I doubted, that before my time with Calix McKnight was through, I would still own my innocence. I mean, what kind of monster would my captor be if he didn’t steal the one thing I valued most?
Looking up from the stone, my eyes travelled over the man who held me firm in his inescapable grip. Seeing him here, in front of me, leading me to a lake as though we were lovers out for a night swim made my heart throb in aching beats. I couldn’t help but think of the last time we were together. I had been so close to giving him everything. I had been so close to allowing this monster of a man inside my body, begging him to take me, body and soul, as he had once predicted so confidently that I would.
And then he had shattered everything inside of me. The little hope I had held onto fled when he admitted his reason for stealing me. Then he’d left me - going away to work after he’d only just come home. He’d left me alone with only our last moments to chew over, for six days. Yes, he’d called, but I hadn’t wanted to talk over the phone. I was saddened by the history that led us to this place. My father had murdered Calix’s parents. In my mind, there was no hope for us. Even if I did spend my entire life as Calix’s wife, loyal to his forcible ways, he would never love me. Even if I allowed my heart to walk its own foolish path and fall for this man - I just knew there was no way he could love me in return.
How could someone love the child of the man who killed his parents?
I knew the answer. They couldn’t. And I knew, even though I didn’t know my father well, that if Calix killed him as he vowed he would, I would never forgive him. I could never love after such a crime.
I couldn’t imagine the torture it would be to spend my days with a man my soul loathed as deeply as I knew I would loathe him if he remained true to his word, and murdered my father.
That’s when I realized what I had to do, as impossible as it was. If it killed me - if it robbed me of every ounce of pride - if it abolished my dreams and slaughtered my future - I had to make Calix McKnight fall in love with me.
I knew that in order to find success in my mission, I would first have to lose my own heart to the dark monster within the haunted man.
Lifting my chin, I decided that I would really try with Calix. Fighting him had gotten me nowhere, but I knew I would have to take my time. In order for him to fall for me, I really would need to fall for him and that wasn’t going to happen at the drop of a hat. However, I was done pushing away his touch, fighting his kisses, dismissing the desire that bloomed in my body when he was near. I was done fighting him. I was hoping, with my entire soul, that in my love for him, he could find forgiveness for past actions. And if not forgiveness - than acceptance.
Calix had lived with revenge’s poison for far too long. Despite the fact that I didn’t agree with his actions in taking me against my will - or the ever-constant threat to my family looming over my head, I ached for him. I ached for the pain the little boy he’d once been had endured. Although he was a dark and haunted man, my heart bled for him and my soul wept for him - for all that was lost in the name of revenge for an action I would never comprehend.
Calix turned at the end of the dock to face me and I felt my heart race. His cold blue eyes were fastened determinedly on me. He didn’t say anything as he dropped his towel to the floor of the dock, exposing his navy blue swim shorts. I literally could not move as his eyes remained on me. My pulse was beating so violently, I could feel it.
Reaching out, Calix caught the tie of my wrap between his fingers. He tugged, opening the bathing suit cover to expose my pink bikini. I didn’t take my eyes off him - not once. At the sight of the bikini, the corner of Calix’s lip twitched into the formations of a grin and a little of the ice in his cobalt eyes melted away to a heat I was more familiar with.
My pulse raced.
His hands moved up to my shoulders, pushing the fabric of the cover from my body, it fell in a heap to the floor of the dock.
“You’re a very beautiful woman, love.” His voice was deep and smooth. It was surprising how smooth it sounded, actually.
I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing at all.
Calix seemed to expect my lack of reply, because this time, he did smile. “Are you ready for a swim?”
“No.” I hated the choppy uncertainty that sounded from my lips when his voice had flowed so smooth, without even a minuscule hitch. “I don’t want to swim.”