Oh shit! This can’t be happening.
I moved to the toilet. I hiked up my housecoat, removed the cap and shoved the stick between my legs. Then I peed.
Oh shit! Oh shit! This can’t be happening.
I couldn’t seem to find the courage to remove the stick from between my legs when I’d finished peeing. For a long moment, I just stared at the wall opposite me. Then, as though kicked into gear, I replaced the pink cap, wiped, flushed and walked to the vanity. In the mirror, I found myself staring at a frighteningly pale version of myself. Then I washed my hands. And then I glanced down at the stick.
Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! This really can’t be happening.
Pulling the stick from the countertop with numb fingers, I moved back to the toilet where I sat on the lid and I studied the stick long and hard.
Two. Pink. Lines.
I was pregnant?
How?
I’m on birth control. I took precautions. I did what I was supposed to do...
Could it possibly be a result of my being with Calix twice before having the shot? I mean, I knew it was possible - but was it really that likely?
Holy shit! This can’t be happening.
“Love?” Calix was moving across the room - I could hear his feet against the floor - but I couldn’t look at him.
When he moved nearer, I felt his fingers hook around the stick, pulling it from my grasp. A sharp intake of breath sounded from him, but I still didn’t look up at him.
Somehow, I found the strength to mutter. “How?”
“Love?” He knelt on the floor in front of me, catching my face in his hands to force my eyes to his. “Are you alright, Nova?”
“No.” I answered honestly and his eyes darkened with pain.
“You’re not happy?”
Oh shit! “Calix,” I shook my head. “I’m confused.”
“We’ve been having sex, Nova.” He said simply. “This is the result of sex.”
“But I’m on birth control.” I said stupidly. “You don’t get pregnant on birth control.”
“Tons of women become pregnant while on birth control.”
“When they don’t use it correctly.” I defended in small tones. “I used it correctly.” Decidedly, I added. “The test has to be faulty.”
“It’s not.”
“You can’t be positive.” I said, suddenly confident that this test wasn’t accurate. “I’d like to see Dr. Kendrickson.”
“I am positive, love.” Calix informed me point blank. “The test is accurate.”
“But,”
“You’re not on birth control, Nova.” Calix said bluntly. His face was hard and his tone was factual. I, however, was confused.
“I’m sorry?” I didn’t understand. I was there - I felt the needle. “I don’t understand.”
“It was a placebo shot.”
Oh shit...
This really can’t be happening.
“This can’t be happening.” I whispered.
“I told you I’d never let you go.” Calix said quietly in response to my words and my head shot back as though I’d been given whiplash.
“You what?” My voice was cold, tense, vibrating. I stood abruptly and Calix stumbled to rise with me as I spun around on him. “You tricked me into having unprotected sex with you?” My voice was rising. “I told you I wasn’t ready yet!” I screamed, shocking myself and Calix.
“Nova,”
“I fucking married you!” I screamed again. It was no surprise, I’d lost a little of my mind. “You still think you need to trap me - to force me to be with you? Are you fucking insane?”
I was pacing the bathroom floor, screaming at him, whipping back and forth and stomping. My hands were flailing this way and that and my eyes were wild - I knew this, because I couldn’t focus on a thing. I was enraged.
“Nova,” Calix spoke darkly. “Settle down.”
“Settle down?” I roared. “Are you fucking insane?”
“Enough!” He bellowed so loud, so final, that I stiffened mid-step. “I made the choice to trick you, as you call it, and I would make the same choice again because this is the result.” He lowered his voice. “You are carrying my child, Nova. You will not excite yourself to the point of harming yourself or my child, do you understand?”
No. I didn’t understand. “This child I’m carrying isn’t yours, Calix.” His eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched so tight, I was nearly certain his teeth were going to crack. “It is our child. But this body,” I pointed to myself. “Is my body, Calix. And you’ve taken advantage of me, manipulated me, to an extreme that I don’t know if I can ever forgive.”