Bleeding Heart (Captured Miracle Book 2)(56)

“What do you mean?” Calix asked and his voice was deep. “Slow mover?”

“In relationships,” I paused. “I’m - well, I’m cautious, I suppose.”

“Cautious.” He spoke the word as though tasting it and I waited for him to continue. “I could see that.”

“You could?”

“Yes.” I felt him nod. “You were always somewhat standoffish toward the men who approached you - and there were many.” His hands formed into fists against my belly and I covered them with my own hands, which were much smaller than his.

It captivated me, how this man was my husband. He was so drastically different from me. I was short and tiny and he was tall and large. We were polar opposites - I mean, if there was a difference to be noted, it could be found between Calix and I. Yet, we were the perfect balance. I evened out the rough edges he possessed and he encouraged discipline to my soft soul.

“I was never interested in any of them.” I said quietly, informatively, honestly. “No one has ever made me feel the way you do, Calix.”

“So you’re not cautious with me?”

“Not nearly as cautious as I should be.”

“You think you should be cautious with me?”

I twisted in his arms again. “You don’t think I should be?” I raised a disbelieving brow. “I mean, Calix, really?”

“I’ll never hurt you.” He vowed and I didn’t bother explaining that so many of the things he had already done had hurt me - destroyed me, even. Calix thought that because he hadn’t beat me to a pulp, that he hadn’t hurt me. What he didn’t realize was that emotional pain was a thousand times more torturous than physical. Physical pain could heal. Emotional pain festered like a gaping wound in a dirty compound. For a man as smart as Calix, I truly didn’t understand how he didn’t know this.

I pulled myself from his arms so that I was facing him. Staring deeply into his eyes, I explained. “I love you, Calix. I’ve told you this, countless times, these past three weeks. Every time I’ve said the words, I’ve meant them with my entire heart and soul. I’m telling you now that I never want to have to live without you.”

He caught my chin, his thumb smoothing over the red of my bottom lip. “You will never live without me, Nova.” He promised. “I’ll never leave you and you’ll never leave me.”

I pressed my finger to his lips. “I’m not done.” I announced. “Can I finish?”

He nodded. “Finish.”

“I love you.” I announced again, just in case it hadn’t made its way into his thick skull the past billion times I’d told him. “I want to have everything with you, Calix. I know how we began was wrong - I know it was twisted and I know I shouldn’t want my life to be with you.” His eyes darkened and a flash of pain tore through his expression, but I continued quickly, because I needed for him to listen to me - to hear what I had to say. “But none of that matters to me now. All that matters to me is that we are together, and that the life we build from this moment on is beautiful and pure and right.”

“What,”

“Shhh.” I warned. “I’m not finished yet.”

He smiled soft and slow. “Go on.”

“I want it all with you, Calix. I want a family - at some point. I’m not saying I want it soon, because I don’t. But I do want to one day, when everything is settled and calm, begin planning to build a family with you. But I don’t want to do that unless the family I build with you can be shared with my family. Jaylah would make a kickass aunty,” I felt tears brim my eyes. “Amy would adore a little one running around. She loves to babysit and teach. She’s a soft soul - like me. And mom, mom aches to be a grandma.” The tears that threatened to spill from my lashes only a moment prior were now streaming down my cheeks in determined rivers I couldn’t find it within myself to be ashamed of. I was passionate about this and I needed Calix to understand that this wasn’t a fight I was willing, in any part, to stand down on. “Please, try to understand where I’m coming from, Calix. I need you. I don’t just want you now - but I need you. But I also need my mom and my sisters.”

“And your father?” His voice was tense but it wasn’t cold.

I remained quiet for a moment and then I cried. “I need him too. I don’t know him well, and I don’t know what he did to your family or why he did it - but he’s still my dad. He’s still the only dad I know and he gave me life, Calix.” He pulled me against his chest and I didn’t know if it was to comfort me or to hide the pained rage that crawled into his expression at the mention of my father, but I didn’t pull away.