There was no doubt in my mind I’d lost myself around him - beneath him - to him.
As I felt my body bow, my climax rising to the peak, he spilled himself inside me as I shattered around him. I cried, “I love you.”
And he buried his face in my hair, inhaling deep, he replied. “You’re mine.”
Chapter 17
Three weeks had passed.
I’d been in Greece, with Calix, for three weeks. Soon, our wonderful honeymoon would be over and I would be forced to face the light of the real world once again. I wasn’t ready to return to Canada. I wasn’t ready for our blissful, romantic time in Greece to be over. I wasn’t ready to return home - to Calix’s home. Since being in Greece, things between Calix and I had evolved into something wonderful and I simply didn’t know how we were going to maintain what we had found once we returned to the place where Calix obviously ruled over me. I wasn’t ready to lose the playful Calix I had come to know and cherish so deeply.
Calix and I had made love every day. Sometimes, sex with Calix was heated and quick, raw and punishing, while other times it was slow and sensual. To my surprise, Calix had gotten over my not wanting children with him much faster than I thought he would. I found this peculiar, but I also didn’t find it odd enough to push for answers to a question I didn’t want to have to ask. So, I let it slide, preferring to let it go rather than adding tension to a conversation that obviously didn’t need to happen.
I still hadn’t been allowed to contact my family. Calix had held firm on the fact that he didn’t think I possessed the ability to make my mother believe I was happy, which truly stumped me, because I was happy with Calix. Was it not obvious that I had found happiness with the man who, only a five weeks prior had unraveled every shred of the emotion I knew? I mean, Calix had taken me from everything I had known, to introduce me to a very different life where, although I lacked any and all control, I had him. I accepted him. I let him inside me. I agreed to marry him - and not only because I had no true choice in the matter. I married him because I couldn’t imagine a life without him. I had realized, from the very beginning, that Calix was poison. He was the essence that possessed the ability to seep into my veins and alter every ounce of my well-formed perceptions. Because of Calix, I was a different person - but despite that fact, I also knew I would never, even if it were possible, go back to the girl I had once been.
However, although I might not wish to reintroduce my new self to my prior self, I still longed for my family - for my sisters and my mom. I missed them terribly, and as messed up as it was, I ached to tell them about Calix. I ached to tell them about all the wonderful things he had shown me and all the beautiful moments I had captured in my mind at the result of his actions. Calix might not be the prince I had always dreamt of, but he was still my prince.
Over the last three weeks, I had talked endlessly about my family to Calix. He had listened intently, with both interest and patience. I appreciated his kindness, knowing he probably wasn’t as interested as he made himself appear. I didn’t talk much about my father to Calix - and it wasn’t because I was treading safe waters - it was merely because I didn’t have much to say. The man had never worked close to home, and we rarely saw him more than twice a year. Although he was the man who owned my mother’s heart, he really had no place in mine, or my sister’s lives.
The more I spoke of my family, the more I sensed I was breaking down Calix’s resolve to keep me from them. I suspected, deep down, that Calix longed to give me everything I desired - even if it harmed him. This thought made me think about his admittance that I was his one and only weakness. I wondered - could that be the truth? Could I, someone who was so simple, so soft and warm, be the one weakness of someone so strong and controlled as Calix McKnight?
Shifting in his arms, I gazed up into his face. His square jaw was set and I knew he was deep in thought, like he always was when I spoke of my family. This was proof, well, more proof, that I was getting close to acquiring the permission I needed to make a call - or send an email - or even a text message. I just wanted to make contact - any kind of contact.
“Mom raised us girls to want for our family.” I stretched myself to kiss the underside of his firm jaw and he tightened his arms around my belly. We were sitting on the chaise lounge chair and the boat was moving. I was between his long legs with my back settled snuggly into his front. We were watching the rippling waves spilling from behind the boat, an erratic pattern crafted by the spinning of the propellers.
I continued to talk when Calix didn’t reply. “About a year or so ago, she started pressuring me to date a little more than what was normal.” I felt his body stiffen beneath mine and I hurried to explain. “I think she wanted grandbabies. A few of the women she worked with at the vet clinic either had grandbabies, or had one on the way. I think she was a little jealous. Mom’s always adored babies and I was the oldest of her girls. She knows I’m a slow mover - or I was a slow mover until you.”